[repeated line] Is she white?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Do you know William Henry Harrison?
Yeah. Wasn't he that guy who cleaned up that woman in My Fair Lady?
No, that was Rex Harrison.
Oh.
William Henry Harrison was the ninth President of the United States, and he gave the longest inaugural address in history, and guess what?
What?
Since you like to talk so much, you are gonna memorize that speech!
But I have to study for finals!
Not if you don't get that speech memorized because if ya don't, you're gonna get suspended, and then you won't be here to take final exams! You got a momma joke for that?
If I tell it, I'll get suspended right now.
TTallulah
My name is Tallulah LaFitte. I came in here the other day to get my hair dyed honey brown, and it come up like this!
Well, did you have color in your hair before you came in?
TTallulah
So, what if I did? I didn't want my hair to be orange! I look like Ronald BlackDonald!
Well, hair is like crayons, you know? You mix colors, you get new colors. If you don't know what you mixin', you don't know what you're gonna get.
TTallulah
I don't care about no mixin' colors, miss! You need to give me a refund!
You need to put those fingers away!
Um, we don't give refunds. That's our policy. Didn't you read the signs?
TTallulah
Then I need to speak to the manager!
She's just gonna tell you the same thing I just said.
TTallulah
How do you know that?
Because she is me! So I'm sorry, but no. Whatever happened to that head of yours, it's not our fault.
That's what the President of Hollywood said to Britney Spears.
TTallulah
Ah-ah! This is not over, miss! Until you give me back my money, I'm putting a mojo on you and yours. A hex on everything you touch and everything you do. So it is said, so it shall be done. [chants in foreign language, then leaves the beauty salon]
That was Barack Obama's middle name.
And Obama-lu to you, too!
[to Rochelle] Are you OK?
No, she's mad she can't slap soup.
It looks like Clay-Dough and grits.
Ugh, it tastes like Clay-Dough and grits.
It is Clay-Dough and grits.
After three days of studyin', I was a lot like William Henry Harrison: dead.
[on the phone] Hello. I have planted a bomb at Tattaglia High. Unless everybody is out of that building in the next 40 minutes... everybody will be out of that building in the next 40 minutes.
Back home, my dad's mojo recipes were layin' eggs.
Honey, I've done everything I can and things just keep gettin' worse. They've had over four glasses of the remedy, and their temperature just keeps goin' up.
Maybe that's because Clay-Dough is not the stuffy-nose, runny-eyes, scratchy-throat and knock-you-out-so-you-can-sleep medicine.
I didn't freak out like that again until Big Pun died.
Would you do that voodoo that you do so well?
The week before finals was the most pressure-packed time of the year. Kids reacted to the pressure in lotsa different ways. Some kids took it out on themselves, and some kids took it out on others.
In the '80s, makin' a bomb threat was nowhere near as easy as it is now.
CCop
Sir, unless the bomb is committing a crime, there's nothing we can do.
FFireman
Unless the bomb is up a tree and can't get down, there's nothing we can do.
I thought I'd finally got the right people on the phone, but I still couldn't figure out why the school wasn't bein' evacuated.
Don't we have a copy machine?
LLibrarian
We did, but it turned out to be a fake. It was a copy of a copy machine. The Xerox police confiscated it. If your hand starts to cramp up, use the other one.
I was quite familiar with that principle.
You know Miss Tallulah?
Yeah. What about her?
Well, she was unhappy with her hair color, so she seemed pretty upset, so I just gave her a refund.
REFUND?! What'd you do that for? I have a strict no-refund policy. You know that.
Well, Vanessa, she put a hex on me. A mojo!
A mojo? You let that woman come in and scam you for $40 because she threatened you with a mojo? She's been doin' that ever since she came in, 'Chelle. She's crazy! She's the reason I put the sign up there.
[to Chris] You got a way with words, which would be a good thing if this was... you-got-a-way-with-word-ology!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.