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15 SEASONS

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E.R. quotes

1,278 quotes · page 16 of 86

S3 E22One More For the Road

I saw your belly-button ring is infected. What did you do, a do-it-yourself with a rusty nail?

I don't feel so good.

Yeah, well, we pumped your stomach. Found more chemicals in there than a toxic waste dump.

[to Dr. Anspaugh] I admire surgery, but it's not the type of medicine I want to practice. I can be a competent surgeon. I can learn the techniques, the mechanics, but I'll never be a great surgeon. Dr. Anspaugh, I can be a great doctor, a doctor who spends time with his patients, who's there for them. I'm good at it. Really good. I can make a difference in people's lives. Don't make me give that up. Please don't make me waste it.

S4 E1Ambush

[to documentary film crew] Actually, it's a myth about doctors and nurses dating so much. I know more nurses who date cops, fireman, paramedics...

[Doug comes from behind and cracks his neck and everyone laughs]

I'm sorry, I need a nurse in three.

[smiling] What?

Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do. What's all this about cops and firemen?

Huh, jealous?

Jealous? I just want to know what you're doing for them that you're not doing for me.

Ooh, I'll tell you later if you bring the cuffs.

I thought I was going to get some sleep tonight.

Don't count on it.

GGeorge

You'll get a lot of thank-yous from the female population over at Riverview. I don't wanna brag, but...

Yeah? You a pretty popular guy over there?

GGeorge

Well, I seem to be... I never was much of a Casanova in my day. I didn't go in for all the wild positions and so forth. Ladies need that, all the positions.

So I've heard.

GGeorge

And the sweet talk. I was never much for that either. I was mostly meat and potatoes. But now, I'm 82, I'm a man, I'm breathing. The odds are 12-to-1 in my favor. I'm getting it any time I want. Not too bad, old age.

I'm glad to hear it. Glad to hear it. I tell you, it feels good to save a man who's performing such a service to society.

GGeorge

Stud service!

[to documentary film crew] Sometimes I hesitate with a family before I give the news. I know I'm going to say something that will change their lives forever.

You think that if you don't say it, it'll be okay for a little while longer.

I told this one mother that her son had been killed, and she said, 'Is it broken?' I'm looking at her, I don't know what she's saying. I'm just staring at her. So, she said, 'His arm, is it broken? He's pitching tomorrow.' She just walked away.

Did you just let her leave like that?

No, no. I called Carol and had her take care of it. [looks at camera] That's a true story.

[Doug and Carol talking to each other]

DDirector

Stewart, stay with them on their mic.

[Doug and Carol continue to talk]

[Looking at the camera] Look at him, I bet he wishes he can read lips.

[Carol laughs]

Hi there dumb ass!

[Doug and Carol laugh]

Doug, he's waving.

You gotta mic?

[Gasp] Oh my god, do you think he can hear me?!

Turn it off.

[Doug and Carol both walk away]

Time of death is 9:56.

Call an attending when there's a full arrest. You get help. You don't try and play the hero.

I've run them before.

That was up in surgery. You work here now.

S4 E2Something New

Ketchup or Tabasco? On your scrambled eggs. Do you want something some people consider a vegetable or do you want to go with something a little more daring? You thought I left, didn't you?

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did.

No, really, I didn't. Okay, I did. But you kind of did leave technically.

Well that doesn't count. If you had gotten up a little earlier you would have seen me here sound asleep.

Some habits die hard.

You sleeping in.

Like you not being here in the morning.

That's an old habit!

I've got to talk to you about something

Oh, Doug. Not another serious conversation.

You used to say we didn't communicate, so --

I know, but now you're communicating a little bit too much.

I know, but this is important. Can I have a drawer?

[laughs] What?

A drawer. Something you keep your clothes in. Something that I would keep my clothes in.

You never wanted a drawer before.

Well, that's because I always got up and left. If I'm going to stay here, I thought about maybe having some place to keep one shirt and a nice pair of socks. I'd settle for underwear.

You know, you could always wash your boxers in the sink and drive by in the morning.

You don't mind if I step in and take over a little bit?

Praise Allah, no! I don't mind telling you, sometimes I have felt like a sheriff with no posse. Like a general with no grunts in the field. Like a lone shepherd, high up on a hill, with no sheep dog.

I completely understand how you feel. You know, I'd like to take -

[interrupting] Everywhere you look, there's sheep, sheep, sheep!

You're in early.

Yeah, I wanted to be in before my med student.

Ah, your very own scut puppy.

Somebody to pick up my labs. Do a patient history. The occasional obligatory rectal exam...

Someone to abuse.

No, no, no, this is about teaching. This is completely about teaching.

The way Benton taught you?

Or even better.

S4 E3Friendly Fire

Carol. Hey! I know what you're thinking and you're wrong.

I'm busy.

I'm just going to follow you around until you hear me out.

Why follow me? Why not follow her?

If I didn't have to do this secrecy tap dance I could have told her --

I think this secrecy thing works just fine.

I didn't flirt with her!

Oh, no. She asked you out for a drink because she likes the way you hold an ice pack.

I told her that I was attached. I didn't say with whom I was attached. I didn't say Carol Hathaway was my --

What? I'm your what?

Come here. I want to be with you and I want to be here with you because I want to be with you. If you don't trust me then this doesn't work.

[is surprised by Carol kissing him] I had prepared a very elaborate argument. Does this mean I don't need it?

I already had the argument. With myself.

I hope there wasn't any name calling involved.

No, it was very civil. You won.

Oh, so I do better when I'm not there?

[laughs] This time, yeah.

So do you trust me?

This time.

Are you keeping score.

Yep. You're ahead.

[grins] I'm sorry, what?

S4 E4When the Bough Breaks

How did you ever go out with that guy?

What guy?

Ross. Didn't you used to date him? I mean, if he's that patronizing to me, I can't imagine what he's like with the women he goes out with.

He's seen that patient before. Mrs. Landetta is just comfortable with him.

Yeah, because he's a man.

Well, some people are old fashioned.

Doug has difficultly dealing with strong women.

I don't know about that.

If he can't charm or vilify you, he's lost.

Now that's not true.

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