E.R. quotes

Doug

So, Natalie, you get a lot of ear infections, do you?

Can you just give me the Amoxicillin? I have a playdate.

You don't need to look! Just give me the antibiotic! Augmentin will be just fine if you're worried about resistance!

Doug

You know a lot of things about a lot of things, don't you, Natalie?

Yes, I do.

Doug

So do you want to tell Nurse Hathaway about Coulomb's law?

Carol

Ah, that's the fundamental law of electrostatics, which states that the force between two charged particles is directly proportional to the product of their charges.

Doug

And inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. Isn't that right, Natalie?

Doug

It looks like snow.

Carol

It smells like snow.

Doug

Carol, what does that mean?

Carol

You can smell snow coming. It has a smell.

Doug

It smells like burritos.

Carol

Look, what are we going to do about Mark?

Doug

Put him on a plane or have him killed.

Carol

I don't think I can take this much longer, you know? Maybe you should talk to him.

Doug

I talked to him once, he said he was okay. Ask him again, it gets a little weird.

Carol

Ohh, you'd be violating the guy code.

Doug

Guy code?

Carol

Yeah, of noncommunication.

Living with AIDS... that's nothing, but... knowing I gave it to you... there's no pill for that. I just have to face it. Every day. Hating me might feel good, but it won't change anything.

Jeanie

It doesn't feel good, Al. Nothing about this feels good.

Maggie

I think your jaw is broken. The antibiotics will keep bacteria from getting into your bloodstream at the fracture site. But, looking at your chart here, I guess you know the drill, huh? Humerus fracture, 1993. Nasal fracture, 1993. Multiple visits for sutures, 1994, and your first broken jaw was in December 1995. I guess hubby thought he'd go out with a bang this year too, huh?

It was an accident.

Maggie

Yeah. Your face got in the way of his fist.

Carol

[to Jeanie] I swallowed a bunch of pills a few years ago. When I got back to work, people either smothered me with kindness or treated me like I was invisible. If we aren't friends, maybe we should be.

Kerry

We're talking policy here, people. "Employee X" could be any one of us.

Jeanie

Excuse me. Just would everyone stop calling me "Employee X"? I am HIV-positive.

Carol

[Trauma patient won't let go of a cooked goose] You gotta give me the goose now so we can attach an EKG to your chest.

You want me to give you my Christmas dinner? Uh uh, Miss Thing!

Carol

Give me the damn bird.

Well, where you gonna put it?

Carol

With the rest of your personal belongings.

Well, you better, 'cause I don't want to wake up and find you *pickin' your teeth*!

Maggie

[after Jeanie puts a star on top of the ER's Christmas tree] It looks good. Where'd you get it?

Jeanie

My ex-husband brought it by. It came off our first Christmas tree.

Maggie

That's an heirloom. You should put it on your family tree.

Jeanie

[with a smile] I just did.

Carter

Benton was out of line.

Was he?

Carter

Way out of line.

I felt like punching out the bastard.

Carter

That would have been unwise.

Benton

I came by to see if you'd reconsider writing me a recommendation. I mean, you've always complimented my surgical skills and with a recommendation, I could get another Pediatric rotation.

And if I don't?

Benton

What do you mean if you don't?

Will you report my relationship with Dr. Carter?

Benton

You think I'm threatening you?

Are you?

Benton

Dr. Keaton, if your recommendation isn't based on my abilities as a doctor, I don't want it.

Mark

Shelly, if you do have meningitis and we don't treat you, you could die.

Die, cry, let me fry.

Mark

Do you know where you are?

In the hospital, talking to Dr. Greene with a head like a bean.

Mark

Do you know what day it is?

Thursday, January 16th. Bing! Correct! Alex Trebek. Next: "Stupid Questions" for 200.

Shelly, can you spell "world" backwards?

U-O-Y-W-E-R-C-S

Lydia

"Screw you." Backwards.

Malik

Whose beeper is that?

Benton

It's coming from the patient.

Malik

[looking at the beeper] Lydia, what number did you page Gant to?

Lydia

This room, 3376.

Malik

That's the number on this pager.

Maggie

[Takes the pager from Malik. Realizes] Oh, my God.

Carter

What?

Maggie

The patient! It's Gant!

Carter

[Beat. Carter takes a closer look at the patient's face.] Dennis? [Benton and Carter look at each other, horrified.] Oh, sweet Jesus.

Doug

How's your head? Any confusion?

Charlie Chiemingo

Yeah. What year is it? December '95, according to this hot magazine you gave me. Did you know that Michael and Lisa Marie are splitting up?

Carter

[to Benton] All he [Gant] ever got from you was harping and criticism. Now he's dead and you're going to have to face it.