Peter Benton quotes from E.R.

Benton

Hey, how are you feeling?

Carter

Ready to go.

Benton

Yeah? You know, I saw your MRI. Looks like you're recovering just fine.

Carter

Yeah, I should be able to get rid of these things in about a week or two.

Benton

Carter, take your time. Don't push it, alright?

Romano

Well, it looks like a P to me. Bisoprolol.

Benton

It's a C. Why would I order a beta-blocker for constipation?

Romano

What's that say, Carter?

Carter

Well, I-I can see how the pharmacy could have read it wrong, but, they really should have called.

Romano

Sure. Blame them, you coward.

Cleo

It could have been read both ways.

Romano

Hey, you, come here. I need an impartial observer.

Benton

Oh, come on, that's a fax copy. You can't even...

Romano

Quiet, Peter! Is that a C or a P?

Abby

It looks like a Q.

Romano

Someone else who can't read it.

Benton

I prescribed bisacodyl. That's what I ordered. That's what I wrote.

Romano

Then why is this patient currently undergoing an angioplasty for a life-threatening myocardial infarction?

Benton

You heard me say bisacodyl?

Cleo

Yeah.

Romano

Did you even bother to read the pharmacy label before you handed it out?

Cleo

There was a trauma coming in.

Romano

Oh! Oh, a trauma came in. Oh, well, that makes everything okay. When traumas come in we can just hand out whatever meds happen to be laying around.

Carter

Dr. Romano was...

Romano

Carter! What does this have to do with you? Nothing. So shut up.

Abby

Can I go?

Romano

The growing level of incompetence around here is frightening. It's a wonder we haven't been shut down.

Cleo

It was an honest mistake.

Romano

No, it was tag-team negligence. Okay, you are both prohibited from writing prescriptions until further notice.

Cleo

How are we supposed to treat the patients?

Romano

I'm sure Dr. Carter or one of the other colleagues will be happy to write them for you.

Benton

How long?

Romano

Until your penmanship approves and until you learn how to read.

Cleo

I know how to read.

Romano

Then do it!

Benton

Thank you, Carter. Thank you, Carter.

Benton

So you just gave him a bottle of pills without even looking at it?

Cleo

Peter, what you wrote wasn't legible.

Benton

I shouldn't be writing your scripts anyway.

Cleo

I didn't ask you to.

Benton

He was your patient. You always check the label before you give the drugs. They teach you that on the first day, Cleo.

Benton

We were uh... just discussing a patient.

Yosh

I could use a good discussion myself.

Go to hell.

Benton

OK, I'll take that as a yes.

Benton

Are you allergic to any plants?

Elizabeth

I don't think so.

Benton

You have a garden?

Elizabeth

I went camping.

Romano

Tell me you know what poison ivy looks like.

Elizabeth

Poison ivy... is that in Wisconsin?

Romano

Oh boy.

Benton

[about a patient] Last time, the man yelled into my stethoscope.

Cleo

And he grabbed my ass. Suck it up.

Benton

So, what is my position here?

Romano

You have no position here, Peter.

Benton

You're firing me?

Romano

No, no, no, no! You fired yourself.

Benton

You couldn't pay me enough to work for you, you arrogant little prick.

Romano

Fair enough. Keep working on those people skills, Peter.

Benton

I got a page. What surgical consult?

Weaver

A guy in curtain two has a beeper up his rectum.

Benton

What?

Weaver

He has it on vibrate. I can't figure out how he slipped it in there.

Benton

Never underestimate the elasticity of the anal sphincter.

Benton

I don't like being used.

Romano

Everybody is being used, Peter. It's what makes the world go 'round.

Chuny

Peter, Carter's on the radio and needs to talk to you!

Chuny

He's performing a double amputation by himself.

Benton

What?

Benton

[after picking up a cloth] Here. [throws it at the fraternity brother] Clean him up.

What?

Benton

You and your friends. You wrote this on him, right?

Yeah, but-but it was just a joke.

Benton

I hope you got a good laugh out of it.

I didn't know this was going to happen.

Benton

You're his big brother. You're supposed to look out for him.

Well, he drank volun...

Benton

[Cutting him off] Shh, shh, shh. Just shut up, alright? Now get over there and you clean him up.

Carter

Hey, Peter. I'm a good doctor because of you.

Benton

No, you're not. But keep trying.

Carter

Does anybody know when he's coming? How about a rough estimate? More than a minute, less than a hockey season? More than an hour, but less than the lifespan of a giant redwood tree.

Benton

Carter.

Carter

I'm so hungry, thirsty. I'm tired. I'm cold. My arm just fell asleep.

Benton

Stop being a baby.

Carter

Plus I feel like I'm hanging out of this thing. Can someone cover up my crotch please?