Robert Romano quotes from E.R.

Romano

[while performing surgery on a patient] Why don't we give her a heart transplant while we're at it?

Elizabeth

Why don't you stop being such a prick?

Romano

I couldn't do it, work with family.

Elizabeth

Robert, you can't work with anyone.

Romano

What the hell do you think you're doing operating on my patient?

Benton

Saving his life. [to himself] You jerk.

Romano

Get me a gown and gloves now! And Peter get your hands out of my patient.

Benton

Okay, give me a little suction here.

Sucker's clogged.

Benton

Yeah, it's a cranberry.

Romano

Gloves Shirley, gloves. [Enters OR] Where the hell is she?

Benton

Who?

Romano

Who do you think? What d'you do, give her extra work to hang her up here?

Benton

I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

Romano

Step away.

Benton

Alright.

Romano

Who gave you permission to start without me?

Benton

He was going into septic shock.

Romano

You are a resident Peter, you don't take a piss without getting permission. And where the hell's Lizzie, off doing your scut?

Benton

She left an hour ago.

Romano

What the hell d'you use to make this incision, a chainsaw?

[to Benton, about Romano] He's been drinking.

Benton

What?

He's drunk.

Benton

Go, call Anspaugh now.

Romano

Just finishing up my disciplinary report, recommending that your residency be terminated for operating without an attending.

Benton

Hmm, if you turn that in I'll be forced to defend myself.

Romano

Hmm, well good luck Peter.

Benton

That'll mean I'll have to turn in these labs showing that your blood alcohol level was .12. You shouldn't have even been driving, let alone operating on someone.

Romano

Don't bluff me Peter. [rolling up his sleeves to show his arms as proof] You didn't draw my blood.

Benton

Not from there.

Romano

If Ms Knight actually helps you to finish early, i would like to ask you to assist this afternoon with a choledochojejunostomy.

Elizabeth

Choledochojejunostomy?

Romano

Oh, you can say it!

You two took it upon yourselves to cover up a serious breach of a federally funded program?

Kerry

We thought it was in the hospital's best interest to keep the incident from becoming public.

Well, it's gonna go public now. And in connection with a high-profile euthanasia case.

Where the hell did Ross get a PCA?

Mark

From the clinic.

God, what a fiasco.

Kerry

What about Ross?

Romano

Take him out back and shoot him.

Romano

What? You didn't think I had a mother, did you?

Haleh

Just trying to picture her.

Romano

The Chicago Gazette is sending over a reporter - mostly to do a fluff piece on me - but they also want to take a look at the ER.

Elizabeth

Why are you telling me?

Romano

Well, because you're gonna show them around. Let them see what heroes we all are. How we save kiddies' lives et cetera. You know? Blowing my trumpet?

Don't you do that better yourself?

Romano

Look at you. Look at me. Who would you rather spend an hour with?

You have a point.

Romano

Well, it's nice to see that when the cat's away, the mouse still jumps.

Benton

What's going on?

Romano

Just teaching Ms. Knight the finer points of an L-VAD implantation. You know, from now on, I think I'm only gonna do favors for people who come begging at my doorstep. Which leads me to ask, Peter, why wasn't it you?

Benton

I never even considered it.

Romano

O ye of little faith.

Lucy

Dr. Romano, I again just wanna tell you how much I appreciate you doing this.

Romano

Eh, that's enough sucking up, Lucy. Cut please.

Elizabeth

Robert, this is a dog.

Romano

Correction, Lizzie, this is my dog.

Elizabeth

I'm sorry, Robert, I just don't think it's proper to be operating on your dog.

Romano

I'm chief of staff, is that proper enough for you? Besides, what would you have me do? Leave her to some poodle surgeon?

Romano

OK, that's it, we've done everything we can.

Romano

Holding compressions.

Romano

[shakily] Oh, dammit... [tosses equipment across the room] Son of a bitch...

Romano

No. NO. NO. Let's give a minute for the last epi to circulate, come on. Charge to 30, let's go. [Elizabeth does nothing] COME ON, LIZZY, LET'S GO!!!

Elizabeth

[voice braking] Robert...

Romano

Call it.

Elizabeth

Time of death, 2:56.

Dave

Should I just, you know, maybe yank it out?

Romano

No, we gotta check for damage to the facial nerve. Not to mention the damage to my pen.

I've been stabbed, and you're worried about your pen?

Romano

Oh, shut up.

Romano

I came in here looking for jevity and a dubhoff tube. By the way, we need to discuss your supply management. And I find this girl's foster parent conspiring with DCFS and apparently with you to circumvent the state authority and perform an invasive procedure on a girl who has been a gork most of her life and has no chance of recovery. Did I understand this correctly?

Kerry

You're overstating it.

Romano

Am I?

Kerry

Yes. She has potentially life-threatening infection. All she needs is a central line and her so-called guardian has never seen her.

Romano

Well, I've seen her.

Kerry

We have an obligation to provide appropriate care. All I'm doing is exercising a safeguard that's built into the system.

Romano

You're letting your sympathy for the foster mother override your clinical judgement.

Kerry

I disagree but thank you for your input.

Romano

This girl is not to get a central line.

Kerry

She's my patient.

Romano

Feel free to hydrate her through her g-tube and keep her comfortable.

Kerry

I already have my second opinion.

Romano

I'm the final opinion. I'm not getting in a pissing match with the State Welfare Department.

Kerry

It's one bureaucrat.

Romano

And he is right, it's hopeless and exorbitantly expensive. Stop flogging her. Frankly I've come to expect a higher level of professionalism from you.

Kerry

I'm supporting what I see is a parental decision. Angie is essentially the woman's daughter.

Romano

She's her pet! Look at this girl, what kind of quality of life you think she has?

Kerry

Robert.

Romano

Kerry, I'm serious. No central line.

Romano

Well, it looks like a P to me. Bisoprolol.

Benton

It's a C. Why would I order a beta-blocker for constipation?

Romano

What's that say, Carter?

Carter

Well, I-I can see how the pharmacy could have read it wrong, but, they really should have called.

Romano

Sure. Blame them, you coward.

Cleo

It could have been read both ways.

Romano

Hey, you, come here. I need an impartial observer.

Benton

Oh, come on, that's a fax copy. You can't even...

Romano

Quiet, Peter! Is that a C or a P?

Abby

It looks like a Q.

Romano

Someone else who can't read it.

Benton

I prescribed bisacodyl. That's what I ordered. That's what I wrote.

Romano

Then why is this patient currently undergoing an angioplasty for a life-threatening myocardial infarction?

Benton

You heard me say bisacodyl?

Cleo

Yeah.

Romano

Did you even bother to read the pharmacy label before you handed it out?

Cleo

There was a trauma coming in.

Romano

Oh! Oh, a trauma came in. Oh, well, that makes everything okay. When traumas come in we can just hand out whatever meds happen to be laying around.

Carter

Dr. Romano was...

Romano

Carter! What does this have to do with you? Nothing. So shut up.

Abby

Can I go?

Romano

The growing level of incompetence around here is frightening. It's a wonder we haven't been shut down.

Cleo

It was an honest mistake.

Romano

No, it was tag-team negligence. Okay, you are both prohibited from writing prescriptions until further notice.

Cleo

How are we supposed to treat the patients?

Romano

I'm sure Dr. Carter or one of the other colleagues will be happy to write them for you.

Benton

How long?

Romano

Until your penmanship approves and until you learn how to read.

Cleo

I know how to read.

Romano

Then do it!

Benton

Thank you, Carter. Thank you, Carter.

Benton

So you just gave him a bottle of pills without even looking at it?

Cleo

Peter, what you wrote wasn't legible.

Benton

I shouldn't be writing your scripts anyway.

Cleo

I didn't ask you to.

Benton

He was your patient. You always check the label before you give the drugs. They teach you that on the first day, Cleo.