One plus one equals one on a bun.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Hit the road. [flicks a spider off the doorknob. It falls off, rolls across the floor and falls into a hole]
Tell me that didn't happen.
It didn't happen.
[repeated line] Sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.
[takes out a bottle of mustard from his jacket and squeezes it and a pencil pops up] Alley oop. Here's your mustard, Double D.
He asked for a pen.
He asked for mustard. Do you have corn in your ears, mister?
[Sarah and Jimmy enter Sarah's room]
After you, doctor.
Thank you, Nurse.
[The two catch sight of Edd slumbering on Sarah's bed]
AAH!
Double D, get out of my room!
I'm sleepy, sleepy, sleepy.
Hmm. A severe case of exhaustion, don't you think?
I'm the doctor, and I say he's dead. He's worser than I thought. Let's operate.
Let's drive to the city, fellas.
We're too young to drive, Ed.
My dad has a shovel.
If we can't get to the city, then let's bring the city to the cul-de-sac.
I suppose I'd better find some tape.
Not to mention a duck.
Pigeons don't go 'oink', Ed.
I'm a gazelle. Oink!
[Jonny's house is destroyed after Ed broke the support beam]
You guys are in so much trouble.
Tell me about it, I lost my money.
Let's just do the right thing, Eddy, and work for the rest of our lives to buy Jonny a new home.
Yeah, right. They'll never catch [rips his shirt off to reveal his trapeze costume] THE FLYING EDUARDO BROTHERS!
You're still wearing that thing?
A suit, annoying? I spent two hours counter-balancing chains, and all you can come up with is a suit?
What's with you? It was the most annoying thing I could think of.
My father wears a suit.
Exactly.
Well I suggest something a little more on topic. Anchovies. The person who invented this smelly salty fish dish should have been imprisoned for the rest of their life. [to Jonny] Open wide please.
I smell something fishy. [dodges]
Please, Jonny. [Jonny laughs and dodges again] Please, Jonny.
Plank says fish is– [Edd stuffs the spoon full of anchovies in his mouth and brushes his teeth with it]
I glued a block of wood to Jonny's foot.
Ed, why did you glue a block of wood to Jonny's foot? And why these chains? And why the suit? Why Jonny?
Jonny. People really like it when you say WHY ALL THE TIME!
They do? Why? Why? Why? Why?
And people really like it when you poke 'em on the head.
Cut it out, Ed.
See? Eddy likes it.
Eddy, Eddy, It’s DODGEBALL ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!
Okay. I dare you, Eddy, to sprout the wings of a bat and stomp like a zombie while whistling Row, Row, Row Your Boat through a car wash.
Ed, try a more reasonable dare, please.
Okay, I dare Eddy to be Double D.
Eddy act like me? Why, that's–
Stupid, Ed. You blew your chance to–
Y'know, Eddy. It could be quite intriguing. Why, I'd be flattered if you were to mimic me.
Let's see, where do I start? [mimicking Double D] The wind conditions are absurd. The lean is too steep for the fat.
Good Double D, Eddy.
[Double D chuckles]
[pretends to strain to budge the bottle, unable to move it an inch] Oh, dear. The unsanitary. My skinny arms cannot bear the weight. Oh oh I know. I'll move it with my brain.
[sarcastically] Ha, ha, ha. Very good, Eddy. [spins the bottle] Can we resume playing? [the bottle settles on him] Oh dear.
Ha! I dare ya to be Ed. Go on, flatter him.
Well, I suppose I could, but only if Ed will be Eddy.
I can do Eddy, I practiced. Can it, Double Dweeb!
Whaddya mean you practiced?
Shut up, Sockhead!
Please, Eddy. You're invading my personal space.
[The Eds laugh]
Well?
Do me, Double D.
We're waiting.
Very well. Uh, let's see now. [manipulates his face so his eyes are spread out across his face] Buttered toast.
[The Eds laugh again]
Hurry, as the raspberries beg to be squashed, Ed-boy.
EAEd as Eddy
Let's sell the squash for cash. Chicken! Pet the chicken, pet the chicken... The stupid bird stole my quarter. Flew away with it.
EAEddy as Edd
Excuse me, 'Eddy'. May I fuel inject? Chickens cannot fly, as they are mammals.
EAEdd as Ed
I love chickens, Eddy.
[The Eds laugh]
Ed-boy!
EAEd as Eddy
Wake up, Monobrow.
EAEdd as Ed
Oh right. Yes. Ahem. I am Ed.
You are not Ed-boy. I must have the large Ed-boy here now. So please, Ed-boy, raspberries to squash. Thank you.
EAEddy as Edd
Rolf said, thank you. Isn't it refurbishing to hear politeness?
EAEd as Eddy
Put a sock in it, sock in it. I got a plan. Hey, burnhead. I will now inflict pain on you.
EAEdd as Ed
What? [Ed knocks Edd into the raspberry silo] Buttered toast?
No butter, raspberries. Squish the fruit, slowpoke Ed-boy. Rolf needs juice for his great thirst.
EAEddy as Edd
Eddy, I too am thirsty. Quite partial, to be correct.
EAEdd as Ed
Parched. The word you're looking for is parched.
EAEd as Eddy
Yeah, right, Lumpy. Parched is a fish. [laughs]
EAEddy as Edd
Intriguing.
You are not Ed. You have cursed my raspberries to the life of salad dressing, impostor with tiny feet.
EAEd as Eddy
You know what they say, Double D. If you're thirsty, take a drink. Gee, Double D. You really let yourself go. Kids'll pay big money to ride a blimp. You're a genius, Double D.
EAEdd as Ed
You really think I'm a genius?
EAEddy as Edd
Hey, I'm Double D. I'm the genius.
EAEd as Eddy
I have caused discomfort 'cause I'm Eddy! [laughs]
[The 'Eds' laugh]
Rolf has never been so confused.
EAEdd as Ed
What in heaven's name is this? A ladle? Oh, my. IT'S A TUB OF GRAVY!!!
EAEddy as Edd
Oh, dear. Pain.
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