I'm so mad!
Yes, I can tell by your violent banana-chewing.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
What's up, Nicholas?
TThronton
[finds Maria and Drake kissing each other; enraged] MARIA!!!
MMaria
Thronton!
Free popcorn???
TThronton
What are you doing, Parker!?
Kissin' a girl, what are you doin'?
[Maria tries to explain]
TThronton
You were kissing my girlfriend!
Oh, ya know, that reminds me of a funny story-
TThronton
What's the matter with you!?
MMaria
I'm sorry! He's just an awesome kisser.
Ah, no, he's not, no, he's not! Thronton, you're way better! Kiss 'em, kiss 'em right now!
TThronton
Not a chance! We are over!
Aw, c'mon, Thronton!
TThronton
And you, you are uninvited to my birthday party!
Wha- Hey! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! I didn't know she was your girlfriend!
Yeah, he didn't know she was your girlfriend!
TThronton
You, too! Uninvited!
[sobs] AUGH! THAT'S NOT FAIR!
Excuse me! No yelling in the theater area.
LLady
[taps Steve's shoulder] Excuse me, where's the ladies' restroom?
I AM TALKING TO PEOPLE!
UNINVITED!!! [storms away]
[Drake enters his and Josh's room]
Hey.
Well? Did you go to Thornton's house? Did you apologize?
Yeah, I went to Thornton's house, and I apologized.
Well, perfect, and?
He had his housekeeper kick me out, then he hit me with a broom, and I fell down some brick stairs.
[groans] I really wanted to go to that party. Why do you ruin everything?
Don't worry, alright? I'm gonna figure a way to get even with that Thornton.
I don't wanna get even. [whining] I WANNA GO TO THAT BIRTHDAY PARTY!
Bro, Thornton hates us.
Well, let's make him love us again.
I tried.
Well, maybe we can... [notices Drake's autographed Beatles Abbey Road album] Hey. Isn't Thornton a huge Beatles fan?
Well, yeah, but I don't see what that has to do-- [realizes what Josh means] Oh, no, no. No way. [hides it in his arms] Don't even think about it.
I'm telling you, if we give him that album--
Absolutely not.
I guarantee you he'll re-invite us.
Dude, I love this album more than I love myself.
Dude.
Okay, but I love this album a lot.
Can I bring a couple of guests?
GGuard
Sure.
[to Drake and Josh] No.
Hey, what are they doing here? They're not invited.
GGuard
Yes, sir. I was just telling them that.
Hey! Drake and Josh are not invited! I want them outta here!
(angrily) No! (Grabs a lightsaber prop) Not until I get my Beatles album back!
[after giving Drake's Beatles album as a birthday present to Thornton, but being denied entry to his party, Drake glares at Josh]
Will you quit looking at me like that?!
No! I'm gonna continue looking at you like this for several more minutes. [Drake angrily widens his eyes and glares at Josh harder]
[looks at his watch] It's time! [he steals old man's cane and starts chasing Josh] You ate my enchilada!
There was no note!
You ate my enchilada!
There was no note!
You ate my enchilada!
I thought we settled this!
[hears doorbell; talking about Helen and Lula] Walter, she's here.
Ooh. [walks before the front door]
Who's here?
Helen, with her grandmother.
[Drake, Josh, and Megan groan]
Hey! Can we have a better attitude about this? We're doing a nice thing for a sweet old lady. [Lula breaks the door in]
LLula
Where's the bathroom?!
Did you just break our door in?!
LLula
I rang the doorbell, I waited 25 seconds, nobody came, what was I supposed to do?
Maybe ring the bell again.
LLula
[to Helen] Who's that boy with a big head that looks like a tooth pick with a cantaloupe on top? [Megan laughs and Josh give her a furious look]
What, are we gonna pretend that wasn't funny?
Lula, that's Josh, he works with me at the Premeire. [introduces everyone else] That's Drake, I prefer him. That's Megan, Ms. Parker (Audrey), and this is...[forgets who Walter is]
Walter!
And uh, what do we call you?
LLula
Lula. Where's the bathroom?
Right there through that door.
LLula
Well, thank you for finally giving me that information! [walks into bathroom and slams door]
Is she always so--?
Buh-bye! [goes away]
I can't believe that lady is staying in our guest room for a week.
She's not, she's staying in your room.
What?!
You're gonna stay in the boys' room.
DJDrake, Josh and Megan
What?!
This is an outrage!
Where are we gonna stay?
[to Drake and Josh] Your room is huge. The three of you will be fine for a week.
Aw, this is horrible.
It's not that bad.
[Alan Kirm plays his auto-tuned made version of Drake's song after tricking Josh into signing away creative rights, the boys are displeased]
What do you think?
Uh, well....
I hate it!
[stops the song playing] You hate it?
Yeah, that's not even my song. What'd you do to it?
Uh, we just had our best mixers and producers work on it 6 days straight. It's great.
But it's not the song you said you like.
Yeah, it is. It's just been improved.
No, it's been ruined!
Drake...
Look, don't "Drake" me! They can't do that to my song!
Sure, we can. We have a signed contract that gives us complete creative control.
Look, no, you don't! I didn't sign any contract.
Your manager did.
[turns to Josh, who realizes his mistake] You signed a contract?
[meekly, feeling bad and nervous] Uh...
We'll let you guys discuss this privately.
[Alan and the others leave the room, while an enraged Drake gives a nervous Josh a bitter look]
Don't be mad...
[furious] OH, I AM WAY PAST MAD!
I made a mistake.
How could you sign away creative control of my song?!
I was mesmerized by a giant shrimp!
You didn't read the contract, did you? How could you sign a contract without reading it?!
He said it was the standard stuff.
OH my god!
[stuttering] M-M-M-Maybe I can fix this, alright? I'll go talk to Alan as your manager.
No, you won't!
Look, maybe I could fix--
No, you're not my manager anymore, alright?! YOU'RE FIRED! I mean it!
[Without another word, Josh sadly leaves the room, while Drake sits down and sulks]
Man, I have a headache.
[The boys sleep on the mattress; Drake wakes up to find himself hugging Josh's foot against his face. He yells, and Josh wakes up in alarm]
Why are you screaming?
'Cause there was a big, hairy foot in my face!
Fine, I'll tell him. Josh, Molly thinks you're cute.
MSMegan's Friends
Eww!
[Josh walks out of the room]
MMolly
Call me!!
MSMegan's Friends
Eww!
[Josh peeks his head back through the door]
Stupid big shrimp. This is all your fault! [take 1 shrimp in his mouth, and spits it out] Tell your friends!
[Drake arrives home]
Super Bowl's on.
I don't care.
Come on, the commercial's up in about 2 minutes. You gotta watch. It's your song.
It's not my song. It's horrible bubble-gum pop garbage-y badness. That 50,000,000 people are about to hear. I'll be on the roof.
Why?
Because you're not there. [walks away]
Drake! [runs after Drake]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Drake & Josh pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.