[Josh is sanding his Catapult while Drake is trying to work on a song]
Josh! I'm working on a song here. Do you have to make all that noise? [he unplugs the Sander] Dude, I can't concentrate.
[shouting] I can't hear you! I'm wearing earplugs!
Oh. [Drake rips the earplugs from Josh's ears, and Josh screams in pain] Dude, can't you build your mechanic dork machine somewhere else?
It's not a dork machine. It's a one of a kind scaled working replica of a Medieval Catapult.
So, when I'm done, this baby's gonna be able to fling stuff over 50 feet through the air. [he launches the Catapult]
Impressive. Oh, hey, hey. Why don't you climb in and fling yourself out of my room?
Alright, let's compromise. We could- [Drake strums his guitar a first time] I was going to say- [Drake strums a second time] But I just wanted- [Drake strums a third time] Headaches!
[Drake comes home from his concert and finds Josh hanging from the gutter]
Uh, yeah, my gig got cancelled. Can you tell me what you're doing up there?
It's a long, sad story. Could you put the ladder back up?
Okay. [starts to get the ladder] Hey, where's the baby?
Um, possibly... on the roof.
You put the baby on the roof?!
No. It's conceivable though that he was flung there, via catapult. Oh, Drake, I ruined everything. The baby's missing, the house is destroyed, and my dad's gonna get fired.
I don't know. I haven't-I haven't seen her since the baby disappeared.
Uh-huh. I think I might know where the baby is. [leaves to go get help from Megan]
Okay, I'm coming down. [the ladder falls down again] Aw, come on!
[Drake comes into the garage and finds Megan looking through a storage box of toys]
I think he's dangling from the gutter.
What makes you think that I would have the baby?
Because you're a devious, twisted little girl.
[laughs] Why thank you, Drake.
[picks Megan up by her shirt] Where is the baby?
SScotty
Can you believe it? We made it backstage.
RRina
This is not backstage!
PPaul
This is practically jail.
RRina
Yes. Scary cops who are going to arrest us for having fake tickets, Scotty.
SScotty
Guys, the tickets are not fake.
SScotty
I photocopied them myself. [everyone looks upset] What?
You can't photocopy tickets.
SScotty
Yes, you can! You just put them on the glass, close the liddy thingy and press copy. Any moron could do it.
No, not just any moron. It takes a special moron, like you!
Why are you so mean to Drake?
GGrammy
Because I know his type. I dated 12 musicians like him before I dated your gramps.
I don't think I want to know about you dating a dozen musical men.
GGrammy
Then I won't tell you what happened last Saturday night.
[jokingly] Uh-oh, am I going to see you on a commercial for "Grammys Gone Wild?"
[Megan comes home all soaked, since Drake and Josh were too distracted to pick her up]
Hello? [the boys don’t response, so she walks up to them] HELLO?
Oh, yeah. This is for you. [gives her an umbrella]
Hi. [notices Megan soaked, becomes frustrated] Drake! Josh!
[Audrey snatches Drake's bag of chips]
[Audrey takes the remote and shuts off Josh's game]
[gasps] What up with THAT?
One thing! I asked you guys to do one thing for me! Look at Megan! [the boys look at Megan]
She's wet. [Audrey groans in annoyance]
Everyone can see I'm wet, you boob.
You were too busy to go get your sister, but you weren't too busy to play video games all day!
...Or to sit around, swallowing 20 pounds of junk food!
I keep telling you they're bad people!
Well, you have anything to say for yourselves?
Well, mmm... you see, I view this whole incident as a learning experience.
Ugh! Upstairs! Both of you, you're grounded tonight.
I'm supposed to meet Brian Horowitz at the magic palace!
Go apologize to your sister, and then, both of you, upstairs!
DJDrake and Josh
[sigh; walk to Megan] Sorry. [Megan shakes her wet head all over them]
[Drake and Josh are in their room when they both got grounded by their mom]
You do realize this is your fault.
No, I do not realize that!
You couldn't stop playing your video games for 10 minutes to take her the stupid umbrella?
Hey, number 1, that umbrella is not stupid. My uncle bought it for me at SeaWorld!
Oh, just face it, Josh. You're addicted to video games.
I am not addicted to them! [smiling] I am in love with them!
Not as sad as being addicted to junk food, which ya are. Man, do ya know how bad that stuff is for you?
[throws bag of Cheese Balls and picks up video game controller as he acts like Josh] “Ooh, look at me, I'm Josh! I play video games all day long! Girls? No, thank you, ma'am! I got me a video game!”
[stuffs a fistful of Cheese Balls into his mouth as he acts like Drake] “Ooh, I'm Drake! Nutrition? Not for me! I'm just gonna eat me a big ol' bag of Cheese Balls!” [shoves more Cheese Balls into his mouth]
Which you're allergic to. [Josh frantically spits out the Cheese Balls, uses a Dustbuster on his tongue, and spits out the Cheese Ball crumbs] Besides, food is a necessity. Video games have no value.
Video games teach hand-eye coordination, which is why I now have CAT-LIKE reflexes.
[throws a baseball which hits Josh on his head] Yeah. Dead cat-like reflexes.
I wasn't ready! Besides, I can quit video games a lot easier than you can quit junk food!
Oh, really? [sniffs] You smell that, Josh? It smells like a bet to me.
No, I smell [sniffs] you losing a bet!
Okay, hot pants, it’s on. You give up video games, I give up junk food. First one to cave loses.
Okay, what happens when you lose?!
When you lose, you have to, uh, dye your hair pink.
Okay, loser has to dye his hair pink.
So we're starting right now?
Yeah, we're starting right now! [they tried to start but they changed their minds] Or we could start in the morning.
[Dr. Glazer is looking at Drake's rash]
GDr. Glazer
Well, this is gonna sound a little odd, but... the recent change in Drake's diet probably caused the rash.
Wait a minute. You're saying that he got that rash from NOT eating junk food?
GDr. Glazer
Sure. See, his body was so accustomed to all the fat, sugar, and sodium, that when he suddenly stopped, it resulted in this hideous facial rash. [Drake glares at Dr. Glazer] No offense. [Drake becomes relieved]
Well, we really appreciate you coming by, Jeff. It's nice to have a doctor that lives across the street.
GDr. Glazer
Yeah, nice for you. Here's your bill. [hands Walter the bill]
Wait, wait, wait! What about my hideous facial rash?
GDr. Glazer
Well, I normally advise my patients to stay away from junk food, but in light of your face, I suggest that you eat some, perhaps a doodle cake. [hands a note to Drake and points to Walter] $300. [grabs his bag and leaves the house]
I can't believe this. I mean, it makes me... almost unattractive. What am I gonna do?
Well, you heard the doctor.
YEAH! Bring in the junk food! WHOO! [starts singing and dancing] Joshie won the bet! Drake's gonna have pink hair! La-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la!
[walks in with a package for Josh] Hey, spaz! [Josh stops dancing] This package just came for you.
[takes the package] It's a- it's a present from Grammy! This day just keeps getting better!
[opens up the package and gasps] It's a GameSphere!
No way, the GameSphere doesn't come out for another 3 months.
Never underestimate Grammy!
Only the most sophisticated gaming experience ever created by humans, and it's Spherical! SPHERICAL! Oh, man! I gotta plug this in! [sets his GameSphere on the table]
Good. 'Cause the second you do, you lose the bet.
Oh, but... but... [holds a mirror in front of Drake's face.]
You gotta eat some junk food right now! Doctor said so!
Oh, no way, man. Ain't gonna happen. Now go ahead. Play your ultra cool new GameSphere!
[holds the GameSphere in front of Josh's face] It's spherical...
[whines] I know! [comes to his senses] But I ain't playing it!
And I'm not eating junk food! [Josh holds the mirror in front of Drake's face again] Oh! [turns Josh's face towards the GameSphere]
Oh! [they repeat this process]
This is the greatest day of my life.
[Drake uses a book to hide his rash-covered face at school]
Why don't you, uh, put that book down, Drake? [Drake slams the book on Josh's finger] Ow!
[satisfied] There! I put it down. Ya happy?
[rocking on the couch, desperately wanting to play his GameSphere from his Grammy] GameSphere, GameSphere, GameSphere, GameSphere....
[looks at his rash in a mirror] Oh, my face... My face!
GameSphere, GameSphere, GameSphere... [Audrey and Walter notice them and walk into the kitchen]
Ha! I know! There's no way Josh can keep this up. Drake's gonna win this bet easy.
Are you kidding? Drake's rash is spreading, he'll cave first.
You are so on. What d'you wanna bet?
[the next day, Audrey and Walter have dyed their hair pink, much to Megan's amusement]
Drake. Josh. You’ll be late for school.
[Drake and Josh appear also with pink hair]
Okay, I was wrong. This is the best day of my life.
So, when do you think this pink will wear off?
I don't know. A few weeks. Months.
Nah. I'm going to get some breakfast. I’ll just meet you at school.
[reveals he wore a pink wig and takes it off; to himself] Idiots. [he goes to the kitchen as the episode ends]
[comes in his and Josh's room] Where's the guitar?
See ya. [walks out of Drake and Josh's room]
I uh, I uh, I put it away.
You wanna leave it out and let it get all dusty and gross. Have you heard of mildew?
So where'd you put the guitar?
Uh, in the case. In the guitar case. Why you hassling me?
Who's hassling you? [he walks up to his guitar case and finds it locked by Josh] It's locked.
Yes, some people care about safety.
Just calm down and give me the key?
FOR TO OPEN THE LOCK! Why are you acting all freakish?
Uh. Uh, dude, I lost the key bro. [snaps his finger]
Uh. Don't worry. Alright. I'll get you a new one. I-I have a locksmith.
Yes. I-I have a lot of locks that, you know, need smithing.
And you're sure you don't know where the original key is?
[mumbles] Uh, that key, yeah, that key's all gone.
KKid
[from outside] Look, mommy! A key on the sidewalk!
[yelling out the window] KEEP IT DOWN, WOULD YA?! THERE'S PEOPLE SLEEPING IN HERE!! [closes the window and stares at Drake with his arms crossed]
[while walking downstairs] Josh?
Drake! Um, it's not what you think! See I plugged into the-
I know. Megan told me everything.
Megan! Look, Drake. Please don't hate me. I just wanted to do-
You. For spending your entire life savings to get me a 64 fender strat? Josh that is like the coolest thing anyone's ever done for me. [pause] Holy snot! That's Devin Malone!
Yeah, it is! Come on! Come on! [he grabs Drake and takes him to Devin] Devin, this is my step brother Drake. Drake, this is-
Oh, believe me I know who you are. I've learned everything I know about guitar from watching you.
Uh yeah, but I'm nowhere as great as you are.
He's amazing with the guitar. He can really bring the funk!
DDevin
Uh, just take good care of this one. She's special.
Dude, don't even worry about it. I'm guarding this thing with my life baby. Yeah! [he slams the guitar case on Devin's hands which causes Devin to scream]
MManager
What happened? Are you hurt?
MManager
Is it your hand?
MManager
[holds up his fingers] How many fingers am I holding up?
MManager
Get me a doctor! Somebody get me a doctor!
[to a security guard, sarcastically, guilt-ridden] Would you mind taking me into the back alley and beating me until I lose consciousness?
