Doug quotes

Oh, why didn't you say so? Hello? Why, Mr. Buttsavage, how was your vaca- You thought it would be what? [to Doug] He saw the cartoon. You really are in trouble, mister. [to Mr. Buttsavage] Why, of course I get the joke. Ha ha, I thought it would be pretty funny too. Yes, I will, Mr. Buttsavage! Goodbye. [to Doug again] Well, young man. I just saved your fanny. Yessir, you can spend a long time in detention if I hadn't done some fast talking. In fact, I convinced Mr. Buttsavage to like your cartoon. So, just be grateful.

That's it? That's the monster? Look, you can see the zipper in the back. [laughs]

Patti

Boy, you guys should've told me earlier.

I know. I was embarrassed, I guess.

Patti

I could've given you another one to play with.

[shocked] Another one?

Patti

Sure. My dad gets these free from work. Here, take a whole box of them.

I wanted to see what a regular, normal person did on a date, but I had to settle for Judy.

Listen, was tonight supposed to be a...whatever?

Patti

I don't know. Are you saying it was a...you know?

No, I don't think it was necessarily a...whatever. Unless you think it was a...you know.

Patti

Me neither.

I can't believe everyone thought it was.

So Roger had to give all the money back and we started our fundraising drive all over again. And this time, we didn't even have to go door to door.

Did you see their faces?

Skeeter

Yeah man, I don't think I've ever seen them run so fast.

And we couldn't have done it without you, sir.

Well, I guess I learned a lesson. Get rich quick schemes sure are tempting but you just can't count on them. Better to stick with what you're good at.

Dad, I'm sorry I made such a big deal about Beebe's boat. It doesn't matter to me how much you spend on presents.

You mean you kids don't care about being rich?

Well I wouldn't go that far.

What I really want for my birthday is...is you. [they all embrace] And maybe a football.

[narrating] Dear journal, funny how on the best holiday, The worst thing that could happen, happened. The trouble started a couple of days before Christmas.

[shoos Porkchop to get him out of her way] Go away, porkchop, I'm busy! [rushes to get pinecone from Thin ice but was accidentally bitten when Porkchop tries to get her away from thin ice, yells in pain] Ow! My leg! Somebody help!

[runs to Beebe]

[points to Porkchop] I saw the whole thing.

[gasping to see Porkchop accidentally bit Porkchop]

[comforts Beebe] You poor thing.

[sees Beebe got bitten and was bleeding] What happened?

[angrily points at Porkchop] Porkchop attacked beebe.

[shocked] What? Porkchop. He what?!

Patti

Beebe, are you okay?

My leg! [moaning in pain]

[points to Porkchop] I saw the whole thing! He came up behind her and bit her.

[gets ticked and angrily screams at Porkchop] Porkchop, bad dog!

[whimpers]

[angrily scolds Porkchop for biting Beebe] Porkchop, how could you do that? You never did anything like this before. You don't bite people! Even if it is Beebe.

[barking about what happened]

[furiously screams at Porkchop] Quit clowning around, Porkchop! This is serious. [angrily sends Porkchop to his doghouse] You go in your Igloo and think about what you did.

[tearfully whimpers and sadly enters his doghouse]

[drives to the house] Doug! Come on, we're going to be late! Come on, Dougie. Only two more Christmas shopping hours Until mom gets home. Honestly, Doug, you're slower than Christmas.

When you're about to go someplace new, it can be kind of scary. You kind of want someone older and mature to tell you everything's gonna be alright. But I found out today that older, more mature person was... me.

Patti

Hey Doug! Catch up! We're all going to the Honker Burger to celebrate!

Dad was right. It was the most amazing thing we'd ever seen. And he was right about something else too. It really did bring our family closer than we'd ever been before.

Dear Journal. Remember Me? Doug Funnie. It seems like years since I've written but it doesn't since the beginning of summer.

Hopping Whopping Wieners turned out to be a stinky idea, so we bailed and went to Beebe's house.

Don't you remember when you were two? You cancelled it because of a dirty diaper, and then five the infamous trike, episode 6, the clown. Seventh, pony. Eight, Grandma Opal, ninth---

Okay, okay, you made your point!