Dr. Martin Ellingham quotes from Doc Martin

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I'm going to refer you for more tests.

Ah. Referrals, otherwise known as covering the arse.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No, otherwise known as offering specialist treatment.

So you're not going to give me anything for my throat?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No. And I'm not going to give you anything for the chip on your shoulder either.

What do you do when you're not working?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I'm always working.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Elaine, what's happened to you?

Elaine Denham

It's tan.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's orange.

Is it me or do you not understand plain English?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's you.

I read you on blocked carotids.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Don't suck up.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Has the surgeon been in?

Yes. And I thought *you* were a smug bastard.

You probably want to keep that quiet.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Ironically) Yeah, I wouldn't want the village to fall out of love with me.

Your secret's safe with me.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Well it's not like you're going to be able to tell anyone anyway, is it?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Had any family in?

Grown-up daughter. Decided not to call her, she stopped needing me a long time ago. Has a TV set of her own. You?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No. Only child.

Parents dead?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No. Retired. Portugal. Gone.

Nice.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Vile. We don't speak.

You are a miserable bugger.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Taking this as a compliment) Thank you.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Hello, Fenn, how are you?

Louisa Glasson

Don't you think it's a little late for the concerned GP routine?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

What in God's name are you...?

Louisa Glasson

When you have precisely one patient I'd think you'd want to visit him in hospital. No, Roger, don't try and speak.

(Very hoarse) He *did* come and see me. Depressed the hell out of me.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It was mutual.

Louisa Glasson

Well...

Louisa Glasson

You could've told me.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I tried, but that woman shushed me.

Can I come up and talk to you about chemo...

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Sh, sh, sh. Rest that voice. I'll see if I can squeeze you in.

(Interviewing the Doc on the radio) What was your first impression of our village?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's windy.

And the people?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

The people?

The people of Portwenn.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

What about them?

Well, the people of Portwenn are a rich and diverse culture - I bet you've been struck by certain individuals?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's early days yet.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Elaine. It is *not* your job to give medical advice over the telephone.

Elaine Denham

It was bellyache. That's not medical advice, it's common sense.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Can *I* please decide who comes to my surgery?

Elaine Denham

No.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No?

Elaine Denham

If they have bellyache or diarrhoea, I have them wait. If they've got something serious I get them in straight away.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Thank you, I'm familiar with triage.

Elaine Denham

Right, so I want an apology. If is wasn't for me you'd have had a dozen diarrhoeas since yesterday.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

How many?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Have you noticed an increased demand for diarrhoea remedies lately?

Mrs. Tishell

Yes - in fact you could say there's been a *run* on them.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

You know, when I told my father that I wasn't going to follow him into the navy, we didn't speak for three months.

Bert Large

Yeah, but now you're older, you can understand his point, can't you? I mean, that's what I was trying to say to Al.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No, we still don't speak actually.