Joan Norton quotes from Doc Martin

Joan Norton

I always hoped you wouldn't grow up looking like your father but there you go. Are you stubborn as he is too?, yes course you are

Joan Norton

I'll send the Large boys 'round, they'll fix up your plumbing. But I'll tell you this for nothing, no woman will ever fix up your plumbing if you go around looking that pale. You've need to eat.

Joan Norton

If you wanted a chocolate-box village, go to the Isle of Wight. This is a real place.

Joan Norton

Please, Marty, don't apologise - it would give either one or both of us heart failure.

Joan Norton

The last time you were here you got a splinter in your finger on the beach and you cried.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I was seven.

Joan Norton

You were eleven. And you wet the bed.

Joan Norton

Her name's Louisa Glasson, the school teacher.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I know. We've met.

Joan Norton

But not successfully.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Why do you say that?

Joan Norton

You were skulking and nobody skulks after a successful meeting.

Joan Norton

You sacked a perfectly good receptionist.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Perfectly good? She made appointments before I was even open. She printed out prescriptions so inaccurate as to be potentially lethal. I had to go to the school to track down a child because she couldn't be relied upon to take down a phone number.

Joan Norton

Look, Marty, you do realise that the villagers are dusting off their pitchforks, don't you?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Yes. Exactly how many generations ago did the inbreeding start with these people?

Joan Norton

If he asks about me, tell him I'm not here. I've gone up to London.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

But he's already asked about you, and he's standing right behind you.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

All those times you brought me up here. Was it always to watch him sail?

Joan Norton

I'm sorry. Affairs taint everything, don't they?

Joan Norton

If you have a problem with my relationship, let's talk about it.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Sex on the kitchen table with a man fifty years your junior does not qualify as a real relationship.

Joan Norton

I'm going to continue to see Edward. It won't last forever and it certainly isn't true love, but it's what I want. So get used to it!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

(Shouting after her) Osteoporosis and sexual intercourse on kitchen tables don't mix!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

It's not my fault.

Joan Norton

Oh!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I mean it's my fault but not my fault. It's not my fault that you don't know. I didn't know until yesterday.