Pauline Lamb quotes from Doc Martin

Pauline Lamb

They shouldn't have kicked him out of the Army for snoring. They should have kept him in and used him as a weapon of mass destruction.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Pauline, I can't have patients' records filed under their first names.

Pauline Lamb

It was good enough in Newlyn.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Well, what kind of surgery was it? A vets?

Pauline Lamb

Still a surgery.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Did Mr. Rix bring a letter from the hospital about his ribs?

Pauline Lamb

I don't think so.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Perhaps it's filed under "L" for letter. Or "P" for piece of paper.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Who's next?

Pauline Lamb

Cameron Paris. (She shouts) Cameron Paris!

Dr. Martin Ellingham

All right. He's not deaf.

He is actually.

Pauline Lamb

Don't forget you've got the school thing today. If Louisa Glasson gets it there's a bit of a party later at the Crab.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

What happens if she doesn't?

Pauline Lamb

No-one in Portwenn will talk to you.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I can live with that.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Pauline, get PC Mark Mylow on the phone. Tell him there's a dangerous dog on the loose. I want it caught and put to sleep.

Pauline Lamb

Put to sleep?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Destroyed, Pauline. Killed. Sent to that big doggy basket in the sky.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Can you give me his phone number then, please?

Pauline Lamb

No. Don't have it.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Remind me what your job is again?

Pauline Lamb

He didn't leave a number. He left in a rush, looking like a frightened rabbit. Like all your patients, actually.

Three miles off the coast. Nelson's Point. You know it?

Al Large

Yes.

A Spanish trawler at half mile off Nelson's Point. Tell them that Terry is sending. Say: "Terry me manda a por el paquete."

Al Large

Oh, yeah. OK.

Say it! "Terry me manda a por el paquete."

Pauline Lamb

"Terry me manda a por..."

Dr. Martin Ellingham

No. It's "Terry me manda a por la paquete."

Louisa Glasson

No, no. It's "a por *el* paquete."

Seriously! Tick, tock, tick, tock!

Pauline Lamb

I just told him what it said on the website.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Which website was this, I-keep-forgetting-I'm-just-a-receptionist-dot-com? If anyone has a medical problem, refer them to me. I'm the doctor.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

I want a word with you.

Pauline Lamb

Let me guess. "You're fired".

Dr. Martin Ellingham

That's two words.

Pauline Lamb

But I am though, aren't I? That is so unfair. I told you...

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Phlebotomy.

Pauline Lamb

What?

Dr. Martin Ellingham

Phlebotomy.

Pauline Lamb

I don't know what that means.

Dr. Martin Ellingham

You clearly don't have a problem dealing with blood. I want you to go on this course. It's in Truro next week. They'll show you how to find a vein, how insert a needle into a patient, and how to draw blood for nurses. I'll tell you who to bleed, but, uh, you'll be in charge of the actual bleeding.

Pauline Lamb

Let me take you somewhere, right now.

Al Large

Where?

Pauline Lamb

To apologize to Louisa. You said she was fat.

Al Large

No, you said she was fat.

Pauline Lamb

No - I said she was obese.