Earl Sinclair quotes from Dinosaurs

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Earl [to Charlene]: I don't think nature knows what it's doing. What I think you need is something to protect you from nature.

Charlene

You mean, like a father?

Earl

Well, actually, I was thinking more like a machine gun. But I guess a father would do in a pinch.

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Earl

How'd I do, Fran?

Well, "not the mama", but you'll do in a pinch.

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[B.P. Richfield overhears Earl having Grapdelites for his 20th anniversary and orders him to come to his office]

Earl

You wanted to see me, my captain?

I hear you got your 20th anniversary coming up, Sinclair!

Earl

How suspiciously cordial of you to take an interest, sir.

And the wife's probably lookin' forward to that Grapdelite dinner, right?

Earl

I'm sure she is, sure.

Yeah, a little wine, candlelight, and those Grapdelites gonna taste so sweet and satisfyin'! Mmm-mmm! You and the wife will probably look each other in the eye and tell each other how very much in love you still are, and who knows? Maybe you'll take a little trip upstairs and... [they both crack up laughing until Richfield bangs his desk, resuming his serious mood] THAT'S NOT HAPPENIN'!!!!

Earl

It's not?

I WANT THOSE GRAPDELITES!!!

Earl

What?!

They're my favorite food, Sinclair! Everybody's out of'em, you got'em, I want'em! You don't give'em to me, I'm gonna bite off your head!

Earl

B-b-b-but I can't give them to your, sir. They're for my wife. If she didn't get them, she'd be very unhappy.

How much is your wife's happiness worth to you, Sinclair?

Earl

Well, I see what you're getting at there, sir... uh, Mr. Richfield, but no amount of money is worth taking this away from my wife. My wife's happiness means the world to me.

Here's $50.

Earl

It's a small world after all. But with all due respect, you know, there is the matter of my own personal dignity, sir. You only get one 20th anniversary, and if I sell you by Grapdelites, how much is my personal dignity worth?

I got another $23 for your personal dignity.

Earl

That should cover it. [takes the money] And what about my self-respect?

I think we've taken care of that.

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[Robbie comes back from school in a bad mood]

[to the Grapdelites] Thanks for everything. I got an F. [throws his notebook close to the Grapdelites]

G2Grapdelite 2

Oh, careful!

Oh, sorry. I didn't see you.

G1Grapdelite 1

He seems distressed.

G2Grapdelite 2

I hope it's nothing we've done.

"Why dinosaurs ruled the Earth?" And I wrote a whole essay about what you guys said about how we're too wise to eat all the grapes. Look what the teacher wrote. [shows the Grapdelites his paper]

G1Grapdelite 1

"There'll always be more grapes. That's what 'more' means."

GGrapdelites

An F?!

G2Grapdelite 2

But just because the teacher doesn't understand doesn't mean you failed.

G1Grapdelite 1

Oh, no!

Stanly Kravitz got an A.

G1Grapdelite 1

Well, what did he write?

He wrote, "Because we're big." That was my answer! I had the right answer, and I let you guys talk me out of it! Why did I let you talk me out of it?

G2Grapdelite 2

Because it's wrong.

Yeah, but the teacher thinks it's right.

G1Grapdelite 1

Well, what if the teacher's wrong?

Yeah, right. "What if the teacher's wrong?" I tried that on my parents all the time and it never works. Anyway, the teacher said there would be enough grapes and there would always be enough of everything, then she called me a radical!

G1Grapdelite 1

But there's not gonna be always enough of everything?

Ah, leave me alone. I already flunked once, and that's what I get for letting food do my homework.

[the Grapdelites gasp]

G1Grapdelite 1

Robbie, we're the last two grapes!

What?!

G2Grapdelite 2

That's why they can't find anymore of us, they're aren't any.

G1Grapdelite 1

We're the last of our kind.

How can that be?

G2Grapdelite 2

Because we're delicious. [Robbie and the Grapdelites chuckle]

My parents are gonna eat you tomorrow night and there won't be anymore of you at all!

G2Grapdelite 2

Oh, boy. What a blow to your teacher.

You guys should try to escape or something.

G1Grapdelite 1

No, no, we need to help you with your paper.

G2Grapdelite 2

It's very important.

G1Grapdelite 1

Yes, very.

But this is your last night on Earth. Forget the paper! The assignment is over!

G2Grapdelite 2

No, it's not. Not if you don't the answer yet.

G1Grapdelite 1

No, no. Here, Robbie. Try it again.

Alright.

G1Grapdelite 1

Now, why do dinosaurs rule the Earth?

Why?

Earl

Robbie!

G1Grapdelite 1

That's your father!

G2Grapdelite 2

Happy anniversary!

Shh! [hides the Grapdelites under a blanket]

Earl

[steps into the room] Robbie, give me the Grapdelites.

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[Earl is watching television, dejectedly, after becoming disillusioned with his job]

TTV

Why are you stuck in a boring dead-end job?

Earl

I don't know.

TTV

Why does your boss always yell at you?

Earl

Can't figure it out.

TTV

Why is your life such a complete mess?

Earl

Will you stop pickin' on me?

TTV

Why ask 'Why'? Drink alcohol! Nobody likes a thinker! You may not be able to change your life, but you can change the way you look at it. Alcohol. The more you drink, the less you think!

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Earl, Monica needs a job, and there's going to be an opening down at work, right?

Earl

Right.

So...

Earl

So? So? Fran, will you stop talking in riddles?

I want you to take Monica to work and get her interview with Mr. Richfield.

Earl

A female tree-pusher? You can't be serious! It's ludicrous! I'd be a laughingstock!

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Earl

Mr. Richfield?

What?!

Earl

There's someone I'd like you to meet.

[looks out the window of his trailer and sees Monica] Well, you brought me a female, eh, Sinclair?

Earl

Well, I, uh...

BPB.P. Richfiend

That's mighty nice, but I already got a wife. Nice gesture, though.

Earl

Oh, thank you, but, she's here for the... [very quickly] tree-pusher job.

[jumps in shock] WHAT?! A FEMALE TREE-PUSHER?! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!! IT'S LUDICROUS!! YOU'RE A LAUGHINGSTOCK!!

Earl

Just as I predicted! So, should I tell her to go away?

It's too late now. We're an equal opportunity employer. We got strict guidelines about this sort of thing. We can't just send her away. [looks into manual] Let's see. Ah, here it is. "Interviewing a female obligate: smile a lot, compliment her handbag, then send her away."

Earl

Well, she can't ask for more than that.

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[As Monica has her interview with B.P. Richfield]

My, that's a lovely handbag.

Excuse me?

I was just complimentin' your handbag.

I don't have a handbag. I don't have hands.

Well, then, let me compliment your lovey... [Earl points to Monica's necklace] Neck! [Earl makes a small sign] Small. Neck-small. My, my, that's a lovely neck-small.

[a bit offended] Thank you.

[Earl points to his ears]

Uh, sounds like a... [Earl points to himself] Moron? [Earl groans in frustration] WHAT?!?

Earl

Necklace!

Necklace! Necklace! M-m-my, that's a lovely necklace!

Excuse me, but what does my necklace have to do with getting this job?

It's just that you're such a dainty little thing, and tree-pushin' requires such strength, and a large degree of technical knowledge.

I'm sure it's way over my head, but hypothetically, will I be knocking down trees like those outside?

Aw, come on! I already said you have a nice necklace, now take it own outta here!

Oh! [shakes her head, causing the entire trailer to shake]

When can ya start?

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Mr. Mason Dixon

[about Monica] We need someone to discredit her. Know anyone?

[roaring into the camera] SINCLAIR! IN HERE, NOW! [Earl, watching at home, promptly panics and runs for the courthouse]

Earl

[bursting into the trial out of breath] You called, sir?

Sinclair, we need you to testify.

Earl

But I don't know what to say.

Aw, just say whatever comes into your mind. [hands Earl a sheet of paper] Here's what's gonna come into your mind.

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[Earl has been sworn in to read a fake speech in order to discredit Monica]

Earl

[reading the speech] "And let that be known that Foreman Harris is a great guy. Monica's been a troublemaker as long as I've known, and I'm pretty sure she cheats on her taxes. Stop here, look up, smile." [does exactly what the paper says]

Thank you for your candor, Mr. Sinclair.

Earl

Oh, and another thing: I don't see why she ever needed a job. A female's place is in the home, taking orders from her husband. In the Sinclair household, when I say jump, my wife says how high. [realizes Fran is standing behind him] Hi!

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I watched on TV what you said about Monica, and it's not the Monica I know. She's an honest, responsible individual who would never mislead anybody.

OLMr. Otto Lynch

And we'd like to believe your testimony, Mrs. Sinclair. However, I have evidence that when you were just a young girl, you lived with this older man! [shows a picture of a male dinosaur] Without benefit of marriage!

That's my father!

[Earl dons a fake glasses and mustache]

Mr. Mason Dixon

All the more disgusting!

Earl

[in a German accent] Fran, is this true?

Are you all insane?!

OLMr. Otto Lynch

Oh, it gets worse, Mrs. Sinclair. I also have a picture of you sitting on his lap!

[Fran facepalms and groans in frustration]

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Robbie, you have feelings for this girl, but you're breaking up with her just because of a lot of rumors. Does that make sense? When I first met your father, a lot of my friends told me he had no ambition, he was lazy and he would stay a tree-pusher all his life! Now were they right?

[Robbie frowns and raises an eyebrow]

Well, that may not be the best example...

[sighs] It's over between Wendy and me.

[to herself] Why didn't I listen to them?

Earl Sinclair

Fine, son. Go ahead, ruin my life! But if you decide to end this important relationship, you should realize that somebody's heart may be broken. And you have to do the decent thing, and handle it face to face.

You expect me to go and talk to Wendy?

Earl Sinclair

Forget Wendy! Get your butt over there and apologize to Mr. Richfield! And take him some flowers!

Earl, he needs to talk to Wendy! A young girl's feelings are at stake here.

Earl Sinclair

A big, scary boss's feelings are at stake here! [to Robbie] You go and apologize to Mr. Richfield right now! Apologize to him profusely! And tell him that I tried to talk you out of it!

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Earl Sinclair

Well, gosh, sir. Now that the two lovebirds are back together, maybe we can rekindle the beautiful friendship that's grown between us these past few days?

I just lost my dinner, Sinclair. Don't make me lose my lunch!

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Err, listen dad - I'm sorry I challenged you. I thought getting to do everything I wanted would be great, but... this whole thing has taught me a valuable lesson.

Earl Sinclair

That with freedom comes responsibility?

No. That your life bites. No wonder you yell at me. I'll just stay out of your way from now on.

Earl Sinclair

Yeah, thanks. And you know something? I learned something about your life too.

That it's frustrating being under someone else's control all the time?

Earl Sinclair

No, that it's way better than mine.

Um... you're not gonna hold that against me, are ya?

Earl Sinclair

Oh, every chance I get!

Figures.

Earl Sinclair

You see, son, it is one of my responsibilities as a parent to wean you from life's joy, and prepare you for the relentless heartache that is adulthood.

Sheesh...