Charlene Sinclair quotes from Dinosaurs

Charlene

I'm used to being embarrassed by you guys on a local level, I don't know how I feel about being humiliated nationally.

Earl

As you can see, I have separated all known dinosaur wisdom into three categories: "Animal, vegetable, rocks."

Well, what about fire?

Earl

Vegetable.

Charlene

What about water?

Earl

Water is the opposite of fire, which we have previously established as a vegetable. What's the opposite of a vegetable? Fruit. So water is a fruit. Fruit is not a vegetable, so it has to be either an animal or a rock. We know it's not an animal. Therefore, fruit is a rock.

Charlene

Daddy, I asked you about water.

Earl

Could we hold all questions until the end of the lecture, please?

Earl

Charlene, you are now my son.

Charlene

Thanks Daddy. Can I have money for lipstick?

Earl

Of course, son.

Charlene

Mom, you said you were the last one in your class to get your tail. How did you handle it?

Fran

Oh, well... that was a long time ago, and I'm sure I handled it with grace and dignity.

Ethyl

She tried to throw herself off the roof.

Fran

Mother!

Ethyl

Of course, you weighed 2800 pounds, so the roof collapsed. She fell right through onto Grandpa Louie, who was cleaning his pipe at the time. We never found the pipe, but Grandpa Louie walked funny after that...

Charlene

You mean, like a father?

Earl

Well, actually, I was thinking more like a machine gun. But I guess a father would do in a pinch.

Charlene

Grandma, can you say something?

Look, I think she's coming around!

Earl

[pushing his way forward, holding a shovel] No, no, no, no, no! The hole's already dug, let's get on with it!

Ethyl

[grabs the shovel] Not so fast, fat boy! [she hits Earl over the head]

Earl

I knew I should have cremated her. [passes out]

Good morning. Last night's massive aerial springs have succeeded in destroying all of the cider poppies. Unfortunately, it also killed all other forms of plant life on the planet.

[sadly] Well, there goes breakfast.

...and so it seems the task force solution to the cider poppy problem, has caused an environmental calamity of catastrophic proportions.

Baby

Somebody's in trouble.

Earl

[happily] Good morning, everyone! Isn't it a beautiful day?

Fran

[angrily] Earl, have you looked outside? That spray of yours killed every plant on Earth!

Earl

D'oh, pish-posh, Franny! Given the operation of this magnitude just bound to be some unfortunate casualties, but let's not giving the wild hunt purply. [Earl sees the valley with dead plants; Earl gasps in shocked] Duh... maybe we went a little overboard with the poison.

Charlene

[shocked in anger] A little? [furious] Your stupid spray killed all plant life!

Earl

Hey, what are you complaining about? You never liked salads anyway!

Charlene

[shocked in anger] Huh?

[angrily] You've destroyed the global food chain! No plants means no food at all!

Earl

Nonsense! There's a wide variety of commercial snack foods which have virtually no natural ingredients.

Fran

[furious] Earl, we can't live on Ho-Ho's!

Baby

I can!

Earl

[reassuringly] Hey, let's not get panicky. Our Task Force Technical Advisor will know exactly how to bring back the plants.

B.P. Richfield

How the heck should I know?! I'm a captain of industry, not a gardener!!!

Earl

Could I have everybody's attention? There's something I have to say. [Sighs] First of all, Stan, I have to apologize to you.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

Earl

I now realize that building that wax fruit factory on your mating ground was wrong. Oh, sure, wax fruit's important, but... but so are bunch beetles.

Gee, that's big of you Earl. But I'm still feeling kind of blue. Maybe if there was someone holding me to her comforting bosom...[To Charlene] Hi.

Ooh! I'll take it.

Earl

And, I guess I owe the rest of you an apology too. You know, for bringing on the end of the world and civilization and everything.

Ethyl

I always knew you'd screw things up. I just didn't know how bad.

Fran

Mother, he said he was sorry.

Earl

And I know I put too much faith in progress and technology, and had too little respect for nature. [Sad music starts playing the background.] But, it's so easy to take nature for granted because it's always there. And technology is so bright and shiny and new.

Fran

We understand, sweetheart.

Baby

Understand what?

Earl

Uh... Well, little guy, what happened was... Daddy was put in charge of the world and he didn't take real good care of it. And now, it looks like there won't be much of a world left for you or your brother and sister to live in.

Baby

Are we gonna move?

Earl

Well, no. There's no place to move to. This is the only world we got.

Baby

But, what's gonna happen to us?

Earl

Well, I don't exactly know.

But whatever it is, nobody's gonna leave you.

Charlene

That's right, little guy. We'll all stay together.

Yeah.

Earl

Yeah. Yeah, and hey, I'm sure it'll all work out OK. After all, dinosaurs have been on this Earth for 150 million years. And, it's not like we're going to just...disappear.