[B.P. Richfield overhears Earl having Grapdelites for his 20th anniversary and orders him to come to his office]
You wanted to see me, my captain?
B.P. RichfieldI hear you got your 20th anniversary coming up, Sinclair!
How suspiciously cordial of you to take an interest, sir.
B.P. Richfield
And the wife's probably lookin' forward to that Grapdelite dinner, right?
B.P. Richfield
Yeah, a little wine, candlelight, and those Grapdelites gonna taste so sweet and satisfyin'! Mmm-mmm! You and the wife will probably look each other in the eye and tell each other how very much in love you still are, and who knows? Maybe you'll take a little trip upstairs and... [they both crack up laughing until Richfield bangs his desk, resuming his serious mood] THAT'S NOT HAPPENIN'!!!!
B.P. Richfield
I WANT THOSE GRAPDELITES!!!
B.P. Richfield
They're my favorite food, Sinclair! Everybody's out of'em, you got'em, I want'em! You don't give'em to me, I'm gonna bite off your head!
B-b-b-but I can't give them to your, sir. They're for my wife. If she didn't get them, she'd be very unhappy.
B.P. Richfield
How much is your wife's happiness worth to you, Sinclair?
Well, I see what you're getting at there, sir... uh, Mr. Richfield, but no amount of money is worth taking this away from my wife. My wife's happiness means the world to me.
B.P. Richfield
Here's $50.
It's a small world after all. But with all due respect, you know, there is the matter of my own personal dignity, sir. You only get one 20th anniversary, and if I sell you by Grapdelites, how much is my personal dignity worth?
B.P. Richfield
I got another $23 for your personal dignity.
That should cover it. [takes the money] And what about my self-respect?
B.P. Richfield
I think we've taken care of that.
B.P. Richfield
What?!
There's someone I'd like you to meet.
B.P. Richfield
[looks out the window of his trailer and sees Monica] Well, you brought me a female, eh, Sinclair?
BPB.P. Richfiend
That's mighty nice, but I already got a wife. Nice gesture, though.
Oh, thank you, but, she's here for the... [very quickly] tree-pusher job.
B.P. Richfield
[jumps in shock] WHAT?! A FEMALE TREE-PUSHER?! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!! IT'S LUDICROUS!! YOU'RE A LAUGHINGSTOCK!!
Just as I predicted! So, should I tell her to go away?
B.P. Richfield
It's too late now. We're an equal opportunity employer. We got strict guidelines about this sort of thing. We can't just send her away. [looks into manual] Let's see. Ah, here it is. "Interviewing a female obligate: smile a lot, compliment her handbag, then send her away."
Well, she can't ask for more than that.
[As Monica has her interview with B.P. Richfield]
B.P. Richfield
My, that's a lovely handbag.
B.P. Richfield
I was just complimentin' your handbag.
I don't have a handbag. I don't have hands.
B.P. Richfield
Well, then, let me compliment your lovey... [Earl points to Monica's necklace] Neck! [Earl makes a small sign] Small. Neck-small. My, my, that's a lovely neck-small.
[a bit offended] Thank you.
[Earl points to his ears]
B.P. Richfield
Uh, sounds like a... [Earl points to himself] Moron? [Earl groans in frustration] WHAT?!?
B.P. Richfield
Necklace! Necklace! M-m-my, that's a lovely necklace!
Excuse me, but what does my necklace have to do with getting this job?
B.P. Richfield
It's just that you're such a dainty little thing, and tree-pushin' requires such strength, and a large degree of technical knowledge.
I'm sure it's way over my head, but hypothetically, will I be knocking down trees like those outside?
B.P. Richfield
Aw, come on! I already said you have a nice necklace, now take it own outta here!
Oh! [shakes her head, causing the entire trailer to shake]
B.P. Richfield
When can ya start?
[about Monica] We need someone to discredit her. Know anyone?
B.P. Richfield
[roaring into the camera] SINCLAIR! IN HERE, NOW! [Earl, watching at home, promptly panics and runs for the courthouse]
[bursting into the trial out of breath] You called, sir?
B.P. Richfield
Sinclair, we need you to testify.
But I don't know what to say.
B.P. Richfield
Aw, just say whatever comes into your mind. [hands Earl a sheet of paper] Here's what's gonna come into your mind.
[Earl has been sworn in to read a fake speech in order to discredit Monica]
[reading the speech] "And let that be known that Foreman Harris is a great guy. Monica's been a troublemaker as long as I've known, and I'm pretty sure she cheats on her taxes. Stop here, look up, smile." [does exactly what the paper says]
B.P. Richfield
Thank you for your candor, Mr. Sinclair.
Oh, and another thing: I don't see why she ever needed a job. A female's place is in the home, taking orders from her husband. In the Sinclair household, when I say jump, my wife says how high. [realizes Fran is standing behind him] Hi!
B.P. Richfield
[as Earl and his co-workers are clocking off] And where do you think you're going, you walking mounds of refuse?!
Err, home, sir. The whistle blew.
B.P. Richfield
The whistle?! That wasn't the "time to go home" whistle, you leaky bucket of animal droppings! That was the "keep working or I'll fire your lazy butts" whistle!
Good morning. Last night's massive aerial springs have succeeded in destroying all of the cider poppies. Unfortunately, it also killed all other forms of plant life on the planet.
SStan
[sadly] Well, there goes breakfast.
...and so it seems the task force solution to the cider poppy problem, has caused an environmental calamity of catastrophic proportions.
[happily] Good morning, everyone! Isn't it a beautiful day?
[angrily] Earl, have you looked outside? That spray of yours killed every plant on Earth!
D'oh, pish-posh, Franny! Given the operation of this magnitude just bound to be some unfortunate casualties, but let's not giving the wild hunt purply. [Earl sees the valley with dead plants; Earl gasps in shocked] Duh... maybe we went a little overboard with the poison.
[shocked in anger] A little? [furious] Your stupid spray killed all plant life!
Hey, what are you complaining about? You never liked salads anyway!
[angrily] You've destroyed the global food chain! No plants means no food at all!
Nonsense! There's a wide variety of commercial snack foods which have virtually no natural ingredients.
[Robbie groans in anger]
[furious] Earl, we can't live on Ho-Ho's!
[reassuringly] Hey, let's not get panicky. Our Task Force Technical Advisor will know exactly how to bring back the plants.
[Earl's statement of reassurance is immediately trashed as the scene cuts to WeSaySo's office.]
B.P. Richfield
How the heck should I know?! I'm a captain of industry, not a gardener!!!
[Earl is on phone with B.P. Richfield after their latest attempt to correct nature ended up causing a global ice age and the inevitable extinction of the dinosaurs.]
B.P. Richfield
What are you whining about now, Sinclair?
Sir, I think we may have gone just a teensy bit too far this time.
B.P. Richfield
I don't know what you're talking about. Why, this sudden cold snap is a godsend! Dinosaurs are flocking to stores, buying WESAYSO heaters, WESAYSO blankets, and WESAYSO old-fashioned hot cocoa mix. [Laughs briefly] We're going to have the best third quarter in history.
Uh, sir, I think this could be the last third quarter in history.
B.P. Richfield
Oh, don't turn into one of those environmental doomsayers, Sinclair. [Fake whines] Boo hoo, it's raining acid! There's a hole in the ozone! You're hurting Flipper! Bah, bunch of tree hugging pantywaists! They're always standing in the way of progress, and it's our job to pave right over them!
I think you're missing the point, sir. The world may be coming to an end!
B.P. Richfield
Well, that's a fourth quarter problem. We'll drop a bomb on that bridge when we come to it. Right now, my biggest problem is trying to figure out what to do with all this money!!! [Laughs maniacally while tossing around the money on his desk.]
Dinosaurs · 66 quotes
