Ethyl Hinkleman Phillips quotes from Dinosaurs

And what makes you the Ancient History expert?

Ethyl

I was there.

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Ethyl

Television is responsible for the utter degradation of our society. We should write a letter.

Mom? Get a life.

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It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

Ethyl

Then you're the guy for the job.

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Charlene

Mom, you said you were the last one in your class to get your tail. How did you handle it?

Oh, well... that was a long time ago, and I'm sure I handled it with grace and dignity.

Ethyl

She tried to throw herself off the roof.

Mother!

Ethyl

Of course, you weighed 2800 pounds, so the roof collapsed. She fell right through onto Grandpa Louie, who was cleaning his pipe at the time. We never found the pipe, but Grandpa Louie walked funny after that...

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Ethyl

I can't believe they use that kind of language on television. Don't they know that kids are watching?

Mother, this is an important real-life event. This will make the kids think.

Ethyl

I don't want the kids to think. I want the kids to watch safe little situation comedies, with time-tested repetitive storylines.

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[Ethyl, having another near death experience, sees a vision of her late husband Louie]

Ethyl

Louie, is that really you?

LLouie

Hiya, cupcake!

Ethyl

Oh, Louie, it's so good to see you! Am I finally good and dead?

LLouie

Not yet.

Ethyl

Oh, will you guys stop jerking my chain?! I'm dead, I'm alive, I'm dead, I'm alive. If I wake up with dirt in my mouth again...

LLouie

Take it easy, cupcake. They sent me here with a message: stop pushing the afterlife.

Ethyl

But Louie, it's so beautiful up here.

LLouie

It's just as beautiful where you are, Ethyl. It's more beautiful, because it's life, and you only get a little bit of it. And if you don't live every day of your life to the fullest, you have an eternity to regret it.

Ethyl

But Louie, I miss you.

LLouie

I miss you too, sweetheart. But it's not your time yet.

Ethyl

Will we be together, Louie?

LLouie

Soon enough, cupcake, but you've got to go back now. And stop trying to make a buck off the afterlife. Dinosaurs who sell the afterlife may not ever see the afterlife. They may end up someplace not so nice. Look what's waiting for you.

[Louie shows Ethyl a door titled 'Place Not So Nice'; as it opens, five replicas of Earl Sinclair are in the family room]

EDEarl doppelgangers

[in unison] Hi, Ethyl! Come on in! [they laugh obnoxiously and Ethyl's jaw drops in horror]

Ethyl

[screams] NOOOO!

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[An unconscious Ethyl is back indoors with the Sinclair family standing over her]

Charlene

Grandma, can you say something?

RRobbie

Look, I think she's coming around!

[pushing his way forward, holding a shovel] No, no, no, no, no! The hole's already dug, let's get on with it!

Ethyl

[grabs the shovel] Not so fast, fat boy! [she hits Earl over the head]

I knew I should have cremated her. [passes out]

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Ethyl

What I'm going to do is enjoy life and love each and every one of you... starting tomorrow.

Why not today?

Ethyl

Because today there's a perfectly good hole in the backyard, and we're gonna bury fat boy in it. [Earl regains conciousness at this]

What? [Ethyl hits him over the head with the shovel]

Again!

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[The Sinclairs, who are wearing warm clothing, and Stan the Bunch Beetle are seen inside the Sinclair household as snow falls heavily outside the house. Earl is seen sadly looking out the window while the others are shown sitting close to each other.]

Could I have everybody's attention? There's something I have to say. [Sighs] First of all, Stan, I have to apologize to you.

SBStan the Bunch Beetle

Yeah, sure, whatever.

I now realize that building that wax fruit factory on your mating ground was wrong. Oh, sure, wax fruit's important, but... but so are bunch beetles.

SBStan the Bunch Beetle

Gee, that's big of you Earl. But I'm still feeling kind of blue. Maybe if there was someone holding me to her comforting bosom...[To Charlene] Hi.

[Charlene looks at Stan, then whacks him with her hand, knocking him to the ground.]

SBStan the Bunch Beetle

Ooh! I'll take it.

[Charlene giggle.]

And, I guess I owe the rest of you an apology too. You know, for bringing on the end of the world and civilization and everything.

Ethyl

I always knew you'd screw things up. I just didn't know how bad.

Mother, he said he was sorry.

And I know I put too much faith in progress and technology, and had too little respect for nature. [Sad music starts playing the background.] But, it's so easy to take nature for granted because it's always there. And technology is so bright and shiny and new.

We understand, sweetheart.

Understand what?

[Charlene and Robbie look at Earl, silently telling him to explain to Baby what is happening.]

Uh... Well, little guy, what happened was... Daddy was put in charge of the world and he didn't take real good care of it. And now, it looks like there won't be much of a world left for you or your brother and sister to live in.

Are we gonna move?

Well, no. There's no place to move to. This is the only world we got.

But, what's gonna happen to us?

Well, I don't exactly know.

RRobbie

But whatever it is, nobody's gonna leave you.

Charlene

That's right, little guy. We'll all stay together.

RRobbie

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, and hey, I'm sure it'll all work out OK. After all, dinosaurs have been on this Earth for 150 million years. And, it's not like we're going to just...disappear.