Earl Sinclair quotes from Dinosaurs

Stay tuned after Father Knows Nothing for the premiere of Dad's A Big Moron, and then at 9:00 it's more hijinks with Simpleton Father, followed by Brain Dead Dad.

Earl Sinclair

This is why TV stinks! One show's a hit, they make 50 more like it with the same characters and the same premise!

Baby Sinclair

Don't have a cow, man! [laughs]

Do females go through the same things we do?

Earl Sinclair

Well, now... your mother's a bit more knowledgeable in that area, and I know she'd like to talk with ya.

Yeah, okay.

Earl Sinclair

'Cause I know you and your mom had a little run-in, but she's pretty smart, and she can give you some good tips. And if she does...

Yeah?

Earl Sinclair

... pass them along to me! [laughs]

Baby

Can I go to the afterlife?

Fran

No, not for a long time, sweetheart.

Baby

Oh, but I wanna go to the afterlife! Better than the now life.

Fran

Earl, I'm worried about what Mother's saying on TV. I'm afraid of the effect this may have on simple, impressionable minds.

Earl

[petulantly] I wanna go to the afterlife!

Fran

Earl!

Earl

Gee, Fran, now that I know there is one, why should I worry so much about politics, the environment and social injustice? I'm just gonna put my feet up and wait to die.

Charlene

Grandma, can you say something?

Look, I think she's coming around!

Earl

[pushing his way forward, holding a shovel] No, no, no, no, no! The hole's already dug, let's get on with it!

Ethyl

[grabs the shovel] Not so fast, fat boy! [she hits Earl over the head]

Earl

I knew I should have cremated her. [passes out]

Ethyl

What I'm going to do is enjoy life and love each and every one of you... starting tomorrow.

Fran

Why not today?

Ethyl

Because today there's a perfectly good hole in the backyard, and we're gonna bury fat boy in it. [Earl regains conciousness at this]

Earl

What? [Ethyl hits him over the head with the shovel]

Baby

Again!

Okay, here we go!

Well, it does seem to have quieted him down a little.

It's interesting, he strikes a chord with children. Something about Blarney elicits the purest feelings of warmth and affection.

Baby

EAT GLASS, BLARNEY!! [shoots his bottle at the TV, Blarney somehow notices this]

[howls, as the TV explodes, Robbie and Fran gasp]

Baby

DIE, SCUM! DIE!! [laughs maniacally]

Well, I gotta say, I'm with him!

THAT DOES IT!!!!! [takes slingshot away] I AM FED UP WITH YOUR BAD BEHAVIOUR!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!

Baby

NO! I WANT PRESENTS!!

YOU ARE GOING TO YOUR ROOM!!!!! THERE WILL BE NO MORE PRESENTS!!!!!

Earl

It's present time!

B.P. Richfield

[as Earl and his co-workers are clocking off] And where do you think you're going, you walking mounds of refuse?!

Earl Sinclair

Err, home, sir. The whistle blew.

B.P. Richfield

The whistle?! That wasn't the "time to go home" whistle, you leaky bucket of animal droppings! That was the "keep working or I'll fire your lazy butts" whistle!

Good morning. Last night's massive aerial springs have succeeded in destroying all of the cider poppies. Unfortunately, it also killed all other forms of plant life on the planet.

[sadly] Well, there goes breakfast.

...and so it seems the task force solution to the cider poppy problem, has caused an environmental calamity of catastrophic proportions.

Baby

Somebody's in trouble.

Earl

[happily] Good morning, everyone! Isn't it a beautiful day?

Fran

[angrily] Earl, have you looked outside? That spray of yours killed every plant on Earth!

Earl

D'oh, pish-posh, Franny! Given the operation of this magnitude just bound to be some unfortunate casualties, but let's not giving the wild hunt purply. [Earl sees the valley with dead plants; Earl gasps in shocked] Duh... maybe we went a little overboard with the poison.

Charlene

[shocked in anger] A little? [furious] Your stupid spray killed all plant life!

Earl

Hey, what are you complaining about? You never liked salads anyway!

Charlene

[shocked in anger] Huh?

[angrily] You've destroyed the global food chain! No plants means no food at all!

Earl

Nonsense! There's a wide variety of commercial snack foods which have virtually no natural ingredients.

Fran

[furious] Earl, we can't live on Ho-Ho's!

Baby

I can!

Earl

[reassuringly] Hey, let's not get panicky. Our Task Force Technical Advisor will know exactly how to bring back the plants.

B.P. Richfield

How the heck should I know?! I'm a captain of industry, not a gardener!!!

B.P. Richfield

What are you whining about now, Sinclair?

Earl

Sir, I think we may have gone just a teensy bit too far this time.

B.P. Richfield

I don't know what you're talking about. Why, this sudden cold snap is a godsend! Dinosaurs are flocking to stores, buying WESAYSO heaters, WESAYSO blankets, and WESAYSO old-fashioned hot cocoa mix. [Laughs briefly] We're going to have the best third quarter in history.

Earl

Uh, sir, I think this could be the last third quarter in history.

B.P. Richfield

Oh, don't turn into one of those environmental doomsayers, Sinclair. [Fake whines] Boo hoo, it's raining acid! There's a hole in the ozone! You're hurting Flipper! Bah, bunch of tree hugging pantywaists! They're always standing in the way of progress, and it's our job to pave right over them!

Earl

I think you're missing the point, sir. The world may be coming to an end!

B.P. Richfield

Well, that's a fourth quarter problem. We'll drop a bomb on that bridge when we come to it. Right now, my biggest problem is trying to figure out what to do with all this money!!! [Laughs maniacally while tossing around the money on his desk.]

Earl

Could I have everybody's attention? There's something I have to say. [Sighs] First of all, Stan, I have to apologize to you.

Yeah, sure, whatever.

Earl

I now realize that building that wax fruit factory on your mating ground was wrong. Oh, sure, wax fruit's important, but... but so are bunch beetles.

Gee, that's big of you Earl. But I'm still feeling kind of blue. Maybe if there was someone holding me to her comforting bosom...[To Charlene] Hi.

Ooh! I'll take it.

Earl

And, I guess I owe the rest of you an apology too. You know, for bringing on the end of the world and civilization and everything.

Ethyl

I always knew you'd screw things up. I just didn't know how bad.

Fran

Mother, he said he was sorry.

Earl

And I know I put too much faith in progress and technology, and had too little respect for nature. [Sad music starts playing the background.] But, it's so easy to take nature for granted because it's always there. And technology is so bright and shiny and new.

Fran

We understand, sweetheart.

Baby

Understand what?

Earl

Uh... Well, little guy, what happened was... Daddy was put in charge of the world and he didn't take real good care of it. And now, it looks like there won't be much of a world left for you or your brother and sister to live in.

Baby

Are we gonna move?

Earl

Well, no. There's no place to move to. This is the only world we got.

Baby

But, what's gonna happen to us?

Earl

Well, I don't exactly know.

But whatever it is, nobody's gonna leave you.

Charlene

That's right, little guy. We'll all stay together.

Yeah.

Earl

Yeah. Yeah, and hey, I'm sure it'll all work out OK. After all, dinosaurs have been on this Earth for 150 million years. And, it's not like we're going to just...disappear.

You're tuned to DNN's Pre-Prime News. And now here's senior correspondent, Howard Handupme.

And finally, follow-up from last week's Georgie Show mainly has sparked a Justice Department Investigation into the Georgie Empire, leading to the arrest of Georgie himself on charges of racketeering and tax evasion. In a related story, Earl Sinclair was pardoned of all criminal charges by the Chief Elder who was also apparent. He presented Sinclair a key to the city and thanked him for in his words: "giving that chuckling carpet bag a well-deserved shot in the chops.".

Earl

Yeah, a lot of goodness does me. There's no door in this city.