Desperate Housewives quotes

Katherine

(exclaims angrily) You're going to jail for this! Everyone heard you, ow, threaten me at that meeting. I have witnesses.

Susan

Oh, please, if I were gonna kill you, I wouldn't do it in my own front yard. I'd sneak into your house and shoot you while you were asleep.

Susan

Not that I would ever do that.

Mike Delfino

[to Susan when he comes home to discover that she wants to have sex with him for the 4th time that day] Oh, God... Susan, I can't. I got nothin' left! I hit my hand with a wrench today, and when I cried, only dust came out!

Karl

[to Orson Hodge] I am proposing to Bree today with an airplane banner! And trust me, that will be the highlight of your day!

When I was born the doctors told my parents I wouldn't live through the night, then the week. What I'm trying to say is I really piss my doctors off.

Bree

What you doing?

Making you my screensaver.

Bree

Oh, that's sweet.

You're replacing my cat, he's eating noodles.

Oh don't cry, why you crying? Strippers are supposed to be tough.

Stop calling me that. Yes, I was a stripper. But you know what? You were the only person who never treated me like one, until now.

Oh.

And I'm really sorry if I crossed the line with Mike. You know I guess after working nine years in the club I just don't know where the line is anymore.

[to Gabrielle] Screw you, screw your friend, and screw Fairview!

Katherine

(to Robin) Just because I enjoy having sex with you doesn't make me a lesbian!

Iris Beckley

[Both sitting down in Iris's living room, having coffee] I'm sorry I couldn't get an address or anything.

Patrick Logan

You got me everything I needed.

Iris Beckley

Good. So... then I guess...?

Patrick Logan

Ah! Of course. [hands her an envelope full of money]

Iris Beckley

I know you've been looking for Angie for a long time but there's not gonna be any trouble, right?