B.J quotes from Designing Women

Anthony

B.J., you have no way of knowing this, but every adventure I've ever gone on with these women — from going to Graceland when it was closed to spending the night wearing pantyhose in a ten degree motel room with Suzanne Sugarbaker — has just ended up as a total disaster. Y'know, this just may be the adventure that I've been waiting for... the one that just finishes me off.

B.J.

Is that a yes?

Anthony

I'll get my bags.

Carlene

I just can't believe you! I thought you were up here nursing a broken heart... but here you are hokey-pokeying with some showgirl!

Anthony

(looking over at the sleeping girl) Who the hell is that?

Mary Jo

Oh c'mon, Anthony! It's your little friend from the Follies Bergere!

Anthony

But how the hell did she get in my bed?!

B.J.

Boy... if you can pull that one off you're my first choice for this year's Academy Award.

Anthony

Look... I'm not kidding!! I don't have any idea how she got here! Oooh... my head.....

Bernice

You know, this girl is really a snoozer. I think that we should get her up and slap her around and make her tell us what happened.

Julia

Bernice. Please, You're not gonna slap anybody's face."

Anthony

This is like some kind of a nightmare!

B.J.

Oh yeah, that's horrible. A beautiful, voluptuous showgirl comes into your hotel room, takes her clothes off, sleeps with you... I imagine you'll block it out, just like Vietnam.

B.J.

In an impulsive moment of stupidity I've just made myself the victim of public humiliation and ruined my entire life.

Carlene

B.J., what did you do?!

Mary Jo

She's changed her hairdo.

B.J.

How'd you know?

Mary Jo

Because that's just the kind of thing that women do when they come up against a milestone event. They either sell their house or decide to become a therapist . . . or go completely crazy and change their hair. The scarf was a dead giveaway.

B.J.

Well, thank you, Mary Jo. I came in here feeling like I was stupid. Now I know it's worse . . . I'm a stupid cliche.

B.J

(In a seance trance.) "OOOOh OOOOh OOOOh. Somethin is happenin Mrs. Beecham! I can feel his presence. He's with us HMM! The next voice you hear, will be none other than your dead, dearly, deported Irwiiiinnn!

"Irwin, tell me what to do?

Anthony

"Don't move, Stay right where you are!

"Yes Irwin! I will! I'll stay here forever!"