Suzanne quotes from Designing Women

Suzanne

Well, you can count me out. I'm not going on any singles cruise. And I'm certainly not interested in putting up with a bunch of dorky men in bad toupees and polyester suits.

Suzanne

Well, the room's not going to be ready for another half hour. And Charlene, you can just forget about that tour. Now I am telling you all, I cannot take anymore of this. I'm tired, I'm dirty, I've got that beef jerky she gave me stuck in my teeth. Now, I'm just going to march right into that bathroom in the coffee shop and brush my teeth and take a sponge bath in the sink and then I'm going to blow dry myself on the wall dryer... ... or maybe not.

Suzanne

My third husband, J. Benton Stonecipher never dated anyone but me. Of course in my case he never wondered if anyone could possibly be any better because of course that would be absurd. But now for me it was just no fun... I mean... I like to hear about how other women fall short.

Suzanne

Hello Randy? Suzanne Sugarbaker. Listen, Randy.....Good news.... I found ya a date. Yes I know everyone's tried to help. I bet ya had given up. Well anyway I have somebody. I'll call you later tonight with details. Oh Randy, what movie star are you going as? Mickey Rooney..... uh-huh, very good choice.

Suzanne

No offense, Julia, but if this Libby person is as bad as you say, you are way out of your league. I know these kind of women. They'll kiss you and call you honey and slop sugar all over you while all the time they're just thinking about themselves. I mean, that terminator stuff doesn't work with them. You gotta fight sugar with sugar. They'll find that's a job for professionals.

Suzanne

Well all I'm saying is this better not turn out to be any kind of cheesecake, cause I just don't do cheesecake. I eat it, but I don't do it.

Suzanne

It's been my experience, Julia, that no matter where you go...there you are.

Suzanne

A little crying, a little begging, it touches me and I never let it go unrewarded.

Suzanne

Well, I don't care what anyone says about the New South, it's just like that time we went to Memphis. I mean, anytime you put one black man and three well-heeled white women together, it's just gonna look strange and that's all there is to it.

Suzanne

Julia, this is your sister. Anthony and Charlene and Mary Jo and I are right outside. We're tired, we're stuffed, our feet hurt, we want to go home. Now if you're in there being either bored to death or held prisoner by this nerd maniac. Then I suggest you turn on all the lights right now. Otherwise we're just gonna be on our way and assume that you are a cheap little one night tart available to every Tom, Dick and Harry with a head cold. Okay now, we're watching the window, we'll be waiting for your signal. Good-bye.

Suzanne

They can have that crown when they tear it from my cold dead scalp!!!! Oh!

Suzanne

Well, for starters, she didn't wear a top for seven straight days. You know, just any excuse to go around naked and act like you don't speak English. If the sun came out, that top came off. If the sun went in, that top came off. If the moon came up, that top came off. I tell ya, in my whole life, I never been so sick and tired lookin' at one girl's breasts.

Suzanne

You know, I'm sorry but I don't think we like your tone of voice. Who do you think you're talkin' to? For your information, we are the Sugarbaker sisters of Atlanta. We had people living here long before it burned. Our great-great grandfather was Robert E. Lee's roommate in college. Our other grandfather helped write the Georgia Constitution. I myself have stood in the rose garden with Jimmy Carter. So even if we do, on this particular day, happen to have our head temporarily stuck in a fence, we are not going to take any crap off some two-bit, low-level bureaucratic usherette.

Suzanne

Well, this is quite a surprise. I guess maybe I deserve this award for the Person-Most-Changed, but.... not for the reason you think. Last night I got my feelings hurt because I came to this reunion thinking I was beautiful... and what I find out was that I'm fat... at least you think I am. But that isn't the biggest change in me. The biggest change is that the old Suzanne wouldn't have shown up here tonight. She would've just gotten thin before the next reunion, and then she would have gotten even. But I'm a little older, and I hope a little wiser than that person used to be.

Suzanne

I know the name of every man in this city who has money. I know the names of the men who are thinking about having money. As a matter of fact, I even know the names of little boys who are good at playing Monopoly. So don't be telling me about the men who have money in Atlanta, okay?