Mary Jo quotes from Designing Women

Mary Jo

She's like those women you read about in the "National Enquirer," you know the ones who don't know they're pregnant. One day they're just sitting around, sippin' on a soda or something. And all of a sudden they look down and say, "My stars, would you look at that. I just had a baby." That's Charlene.

Mary Jo

You're just gloating 'cause you know you're in pinky ring city.

Mary Jo

Excuse me, but I don't like to have the back of my neck kissed before breakfast. Especially by somebody who is too dumb to appreciate a woman like Suzanne Sugarbaker. Just who do you think that you're talking about? This is no two-bit singles cruise barnacle. This is the Rolls Royce of females who happens to have more beauty titles than you have teeth. And let me tell you something else, I consider it an honor just to guard her brassiere and I am not even a man.

Mary Jo

(to Julia) When you kick somebody's teeth in, we like to feel like we're a part of it.

Mary Jo

(about her larger fake breasts) These things are power!

Mary Jo

We've been here 15 minutes and they've given out about 50 awards — I've got a spooky feeling I might win one.

Mary Jo

NO!!! Back off, buddy. Lay a finger on me and I'll kick you so hard your whole family will feel it. 9 - 1 - 1 !!!

Mary Jo

We think she's gone to pay her respects to the sacred ground where Jackie O. got her twenty million dollar settlement. And on her way home she'll probably wisk off to New York to have a little meet and greet with Joanna Carson, culminating the international rich bitch alimony tour.

Mary Jo

"It seems to me that you've built your entire case around two Dicks and a hat."

Mary Jo

"Yo, Governor!. Got our head stuck in the fence. Can't get it out. And Miss Betts won't give us a saw!" What's hard to understand?

Mary Jo

Well, that's a fine thing to see first thing in the morning; "The Return of Rusty...or Nightmare on Crack Street, part two!"

Mary Jo

For someone who's not gonna even be working here, Tinkerbell sure has a big desk.

Mary Jo

(to Allison, who is concerned that Barry is out to get revenge on her) If he tries anything, you can just unleash your secret weapon — and sleep with him.

Mary Jo

This is very strange... kinda like watching a combination of American Bandstand and America's Most Wanted.

Mary Jo

All we want is to be treated with equality and respect. Is that asking too much? I'm sorry, I don't mean to be strident and overbearing, but you know nice just doesn't cut it anymore. I'm mad because we're 51 percent of the population and only two percent of the United States Senate. I'm mad because 406 men in the House of Representatives have a pool, a sauna and a gym, and we have six hairdryers and a ping pong table. I'm mad because in a Seminole, Oklahoma police station, there's a poster of a naked woman that says "Women make bad cops." I'm mad because in spite of the fact that we scrub the nations' floors, wash the dishes, have all the babies and commit very little of the crime, still we only make 58 cents on the dollar. And I don't know about the rest of you women out there, but I don't give a damn if people think I'm a feminist or a fruitcake! What I'm going to do is get in my car and drive to the centermost part of the United States of America and climb the tallest tower and yell, "Hey, don't get me wrong, we love ya, but who the hell do you men think you are?!!"