Anthony quotes from Designing Women

Anthony

Let me tell y'all. If you thought it was tough going standing up, you should try it at knee level — talk about trying to keep your eyes on one place. By the way, they want you to replace those burlap bar stools — it seems a couple of people got rope burn.

Anthony

I heard her talking to her facialist on the phone. And tonight, if you don't do something, they gonna exfoliate me!

Anthony

"Everytime I spend the evening with you BJ, I always end up on a contraption upside down."

Anthony

"Fired? did-di-did he said "Fired"? No, wait a minute, he said Ladies, You are fired. Ladies!... Oh, I'm sorry y'all I didn't know what came over me. War is hell!"

Julia

Oh, Anthony. We just feel terrible. I wish you'd take some more of that turkey for your dog.

Anthony

I don't want anymore of that turkey. I like my dog.

Mary Jo

Anthony, we are so sorry.

Charlene

We promise we'll make it up to you.

Anthony

Don't worry about it. It's been a fine afternoon. Happy Thanksgiving. Thanks again for turning me in for murder.

Mary Jo

I'm just a little upset because Quint doesn't believe in Santa Claus anymore. As a matter of fact he says he's gonna prove it once and for all — he's been up in his room working on all these traps.

Charlene

How come he doesn't think there is one?

Mary Jo

He says reindeers couldn't have the staying power, y'know, to go all the way around the world in one night. He wanted to know if Santa had some kinda deal with Federal Express.

Julia

Boy, he's awful young to be so cynical.

Anthony

Hey, that's not so young. I was only 3 when I quit believing.

Charlene

Oh, somebody told you?

Anthony

Yeah. My Uncle Willie. There wasn't enough money for presents, so he just came to me and told me that Santa Claus had been stabbed.

Charlene

Oh my gosh!!

Anthony

Yeah, Uncle Willie didn't have a lot of couth. Anyway, I was pretty upset. The next year I wrote a letter to the elves. All I asked for was a baseball glove because, y'know, I figured they had there hands full with Santa gone and everything. But I guess Uncle Willie couldn't get it together that year either, because Christmas Eve he came into my room and told me that the elves had been killed in a sledding accident.

Julia

We've been acting a little childish about things that didn't measure up to Christmases past. Have we forgotten how lucky we are to have had those Christmases in the first place?

Charlene

You're right. No matter how old I get, nothing's ever gonna measure up to my entire family sitting in front of a fire on Christmas Eve singing "Silent Night." Daddy reading from the Bible — Harold Thomas sitting on his lap — me on one side, Mama on the other. Y'know, I've just gotta be grateful I had that. Nothing is ever gonna be greater than that...except maybe heaven. Anthony...you're crying.

Anthony

I know. I thought you were gonna tell another one of those stories about your daddy needing a bank loan, and it got to me before I realized you were on another track.

Julia

I know I'm especially grateful to have my son here on Christmas Day — whose eyes I can look into and still see his father. And I'm grateful to Charlene for making that possible...and to Suzanne, for turning down a vacation in Switzerland just to hear me play the piano. And I'm grateful that I have a friend like Mary Jo who cries because her little boy doesn't believe in Santa Claus. And I'm also grateful that I know someone like Anthony, who is such a good sport about breaking a leg!

Charlene

Julia, you're starting to sound like the piano lady at the Holiday Inn Tap Room.

Julia

I know! It's Christmas...and I can't help myself!

Suzanne

Now play "The First Noel" for my pig.

My children attend school here in Atlanta, and I do not appreciate Commissioner Brickett's lack of support for our extra curricular fine arts programs like dance and ballet.

Listen. When the petticoat sports can attract a gate that pays for itself like basketball and football, then I'll get excited. Anyway, I think we should spend less time worrying about the screwball curriculums and get back to the basic three R's.

Julia

Screwball curriculums?! Petticoat sports?! I bet you think Refrigerator Perry is a better athlete than Mikhail Baryshnikov! I mean, I don't know what kind of an ignoramus...

Anthony

(clears his throat)... ahem!!

Julia

(immediately turning to the camera and smiling) I strongly support a more expanded program of liberal arts in the public schools and would do my best to encourage funding.

Anthony

Excuse me, ladies. I know it's none of my business, but there are two little old vietnamese ladies laying in your driveway.

Suzanne

Oh, they been there all morning. Y'know, they look frail, but when I pulled my Mercedes in at 30 miles an hour, they hopped up right quick.

What's this camper's name?

Anthony

(in a high-pitched voice) Cindy.

Cindy what?

Anthony

Cindy Birdsong.

Birdsong — I don't remember that name.(to other leader) Check your list.

Anthony

I was late. I got on the bus at the last minute.

Who let you on?

Anthony

I don't know. Some white girl.

Where's your application?

Anthony

I turned it in.

To who?

Anthony

Some white girl.

Anthony

Cantaloupe.

Suzanne

C-A-N-T-A-L-O-U-P-E

Anthony

That's very good, Suzanne.

Suzanne

(beaming) I eat it all the time.

Anthony

I want to know what you're gonna do to compensate Julia and all the others to whom you've brought pain and sorrow.

I guess I don't know yet.

Anthony

Well, you're gonna have plenty of time to think about it. This is your third offense, and they're gonna throw the book at you this time.

I know. I don't even know why I did it.

Anthony

You just wanted to screw up because that's what everybody expects of you. Well I'm gonna surprise you, Tyrone. I'm gonna wait around here for you to get out. I'm gonna come to visit you every week. I'm gonna check on you. I'm gonna hound you like a dog. And when you do get out of here, I'm gonna expect to see something a whole lot better than what I'm looking at now.

You are?

Anthony

Oh, you're damn right.

I can't believe you came. My own sister didn't even come.

Anthony

So what, Tyrone. You think that you're the only kid in the world whose family doesn't care about him? Well let me tell you something. I grew up in a neighborhood where people put cigarettes out on your head. I never met my father, and my mother was an addict who left me behind when I was two weeks old — I didn't see her again 'til I was nine. Then she wrote and said she was coming. One day she showed up at school after I had told everybody how beautiful my mama was and how she was coming just to see me. You know what she did, Tyrone? She got out of her car. She walked across the playground and picked up some other kid and hugged him and starting crying and calling him by my name. She did that right in front of everybody. I was her son and she didn't even know me. So you see... I've been where you are right now. And if it hadn't been for that one person, my grandmama, loving me and kicking my butt everyday I'd still be there.

I'm sorry I let you down.

Anthony

I'm gonna be here every week. You can count on that Tyrone.

I'm sorry, but your time is up.

Anthony

One more thing, man. You know that birthday wish that you asked me about? I wished you were my son.

I love you. :[hugs Anthony]

Anthony

I love you too, man.

Julia

Anthony, I want you to know that I've never been prouder of anyone in my life.....than I am of you at this moment. :she hugs him Let's go home.

Anthony

Suzanne, if you want one of my cookies, why don't you just ask?

Suzanne

Why should I do that for? I've been getting as many as I want without asking.

Julia

Don't try to reason with her, Anthony. Suzanne does not understand the concept of fairness. She only understands punishment and reward. If you don't want her to eat anymore of your cookies, I suggest you put a little mousetrap in there. Let it snap on her hand once, I guarantee she'll get the point.

Anthony

What would you do if somebody was coming after you?

Charlene

Scream for help.

Anthony

Uh, uh. You can't depend on anybody helping you.

Charlene

Then I'd run away.

Anthony

You can't always get away.

Charlene

Well, then, I'd kill them with a rolled up magazine. I saw this thing on TV where spies learn how to kill somebody with a rolled up magazine.

Suzanne

I just cannot believe I got this stupid traffic ticket.

Anthony

What'd you get a ticket for?

Suzanne

Driving in a reckless manner by having all the mirrors on my vehicle turned towards myself.