As the true King of Udrogoth, I order you to... Stop being mean!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Okay, time for new laws! [Clears throat.] First, pickled pigs' feet do not belong in jars in delis, they belong on [Screaming] pigs' ankles!
You call that a law?
It beats shaving cats.
[Candy brings the citizens of Udrogoth to rescue David.]
We will defend to the death he who brought us Casual Dress Friday!
PProclaimer
Even if he did make us watch that awful play!
You know, you don't have to yell like that. You're not making proclamations.
PProclaimer
Yell like what?!
Throughout history, there have been many great barbarian heroes: Kronkaz the Smasher, Mortaad the Ridiculer-
MMortaad
Hey! Pizza face!
Sheebor, the Stomper on Things Until They're Squished Into Mushy Paste-
SSheebor
Ha! Are you paste yet?
FUFlat Ugly Monster
Not... Quite.
These mighty heroes have been honored in the most ancient and venerable of old art forms.
One pack of Famous Barbarian Trading Cards, please. [Shouting.] Or I'll crush you like a grape!
Now, I've got Strom's trading card, and action figure, and poster, and lunch box, and board game, complete table setting, snow globe, his official biography, his unofficial biography, his officially unofficial biography, and his new-and-improved super-deluxe monkey warmer!
Monkey [lying in a wooden hot tub with Strom's picture on it] Is it hot in here, or is it me?
I'm here to slay the dragon, people! [Cow moos.] You know, big scaly monster? Fangs? Wings? Been terrorizing you for years?
[Ms. Bogmelon describes Faffy, Dave's dragon.]
It's more of a dumb, little, flyin' potato or somethin'.
[Candy teaches Faffy the martial art of "Tae Kwon Don't".]
It's not as good for fighting as Tae Kwon Do, but it's great for firming the buttocks.
Strom the Slayer has slain griffins, and basilisks, and manticores. He's slain so much stuff it's amazing anything's still alive! He is exactly what I want to be when I grow up.
So, there's eight or ten girls back home, and then maybe... twenty or thirty on the road?
So... you're saying you're single?
[Strom points out that the book Dave is holding is smoking.]
Ye-e-es, yes, it's a filthy habit, but I can't get it to stop.
[Strom guesses Fang is a human (who is normally mistaken for a monkey)]
[In awe.] He guessed my species...
[Strom takes out his axe to slay Faffy.]
Oooh, the Legendary Golden Tri-Axe! And here comes his famous battle cry!
[Screaming.] Valim-Valee!
Okay, the battle cry isn't all that great. But the axe is cool!
I'm highly allergic to being chopped up!
[Uncle Oswidge casts a magic spell, which is reflected back to him and Candy and turns them into centipedes.]
Do you have any idea what this is gonna cost me in shoes?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dave the Barbarian pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.