[Dan and Chris are in the lobby with the police officer]
Alright. Now, which one of you is Chris?
That's me, sir.
Okay. So we have a wallet, keys, a comb.
Why do you have a comb? Your hair is boring.
A locket with a picture in it.
[seeing the locket with Elise's picture] Hey, that's not me.
3 bouillon cubes, 2 beef, 1 chicken.
Really?
There might be a soup-related emergency.
Do you mind? I got a lot on my plate and I don't need to be spending all day with a couple of knuckleheads like you two.
Oh, yeah? What do you got going on that's so important?
I'm in the middle of a book I'd like to finish sometime this year.
Good book. Not all of it works, though.
Now what else? Okay, so are you Dan?
Give me my stuff.
Okay. We got an enemies list and several expletive-laced letters to someone named Grandma. Also I feel I should warn you that you are way past the legal limit on pocket lint.
What I do in the privacy of my pockets is my business alone. You can't treat me like this. I know people who pay taxes. And where are my knucks?
Brass knuckles are illegal in California and the rest of the country. They've been confiscated.
[angrily] Confiscated? Confiscated?
[whispering] Dan, don't.
[angrily] CONFISCATED?! [he throws a tantrum messing things around the police station like kicking a trash can and ripping paper off the bulletin board] I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! THOSE WERE A GIFT FROM MY MOTHER. HOW DARE YOU?! I'M GOING TO CONFISCATE THIS WATER! [drinks water] WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? HOW DARE YOU?! WELL, I'M CONFISCATING THIS AND THIS, [steals the envelope and pen] AND I'M CONFISCATING YOUR HAT!
Sir, do not reach for my hat.
[Dan takes the police officer's hat of him and wears it, but the police officer teases him with a stun gun]
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