[while walking with Dan] Can we please pick up the pace?
Hey, you shouldn't have come with me on errand day if you didn't have the time.
You said, you needed a ride, and you only had one thing to do.
Yeah, run errands. Plus, you got something, too.
One thing. At one place. I had to pick it up for Elise's birthday. [shows Dan the necklace] Nice, huh?
It's a heirloom. It was the only thing of value my great-great grandmother brought her to this country. I got it engraved, see? [shows it to Dan]
What's going on here? [drops all of his stuff on the sidewalk]
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Ta-da!
Oh magic. Never mind, we're going.
Seriously? How old are you?
Magicians have powers that normal humans can't understand Dan.
No, they have gimmicky deck of cards and thinly-veiled distractions. You will feel a punch. Watch this hand! [punches Chris in the stomach]
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
For my next illusion, I'll need a volunteer. How about you? [jumps on the floor] Behold! A necklace. [makes a magic trick to Chris' necklace] Transportatum necloranicum.
[looks at his necklace box] It's gone.
[everybody cheers]
Okay, now let's make it reappear so we can all get on with our lives.
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
I'm sorry, but that would be impossible. I banished it to the 4th dimension of the universe.
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Oh, yes. Your necklace is now in another realm. A small price to pay for magic!
[everybody cheers]
Hey, buddy. You might fool children and Chris here. But we both know that magic is a scam. Now give my friend his necklace back.
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Abra Cadabra! [shows up with an underwear]
Wait, those look like- [looks in his pants]
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Abra Cadabra! [disappears and drives away]
Hey! I know you're in there!
It's no use, Dan. You can't fight a magician.
For the last time, magic is not real!
[holding a stick with an underwear] So, this isn't your underwear?
MAGICIAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!!
[as he becomes sneaky opening up a room] Aha. Here's your so-called 4th dimension. I told you this hocus pocus was mumbo jumbo.
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
You! Stop polishing watches. I need you to go to Pasadena and work a jewelry convention. Should be a gold mine, if you know what I mean.
I'm impressed. There is some serious crime happening here.
No. No. Come on, where is it? Wait, I think I found it. Wait! [the treasure lands on him] Got it!
Smooth as always, genius.
[Magnifico the Magnificent and two men confront Dan and Chris]
Alright, magician. Game's over. We know the truth.
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
It's Magnifico the Magnificent. And for your information, I found all these watches and I bought all this jewelry.
I don't care about that. Steal away! I just want you to admit that you don't have any magical powers.
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Oh, I have powers! Observe. [he electrocutes Chris]
Eh, that didn't even look real. Felt real. [he runs off to defeat Magnifico the Magnificent]
Sleep! [he puts Dan to sleep and takes the necklace away from Chris] I'll take that.
[Chris and Dan are chained up in jail]
Magnifico did magic on you.
He did! He stopped you dead in your tracks. It was magic, real magic.
[as he is taking Elise to jail] Stop struggling. You're only making it worse. This should cool you off.
Well, as long as we're all chained up, I might as well tell you the whole story. It all started on my 8th birthday. [scene cuts to her memory from her 8th birthday]
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Good afternoon, boys and girls. I am Magnifico the Magnificent, and I need a volunteer to help me do some magic!
KEKid Elise
Oh, oh, me, me!
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Everyone, give a big hand for Elise. Alright, just sit down. Alright, on 3! 3!
[Kid Elise screams as Magnifico the Magnificent plays a trick on her]
KEKid Elise
[as she is trapped inside a box] Help me! [as she is spinning on the wheel] Please, stop! Ta-da!
[the kids cheer as kid Elise gets scared as her flashback ends]
Please ever since then, I haven't even been able to be in the same room as a magician.
Wow, that's awful. I mean, it doesn't explain what you're doing here right now, which was my original question, but still awful.
Well, after what happened to me, I certainly couldn't let someone I love get hurt by magic. So I followed you here, I snuck in successfully, but when a magician asked if he could saw me in half, I sort of lost it. What? He'll live.
[after freeing himself off his chain] Ahh, much better.
Wait. How did you get free?
Well, I got really bored during Elise's story. Then I remembered my left thumb is double-jointed.
How did you get your other hand free?
[whispering] Well, help us.
Do you believe in magic? You bet do.
There's no time. I'll have to come back for you guys. Don't move. [he climbs on Chris as he heads out to the vent]
Hey where's the third guy?
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
[while hosting his magic show] Behold the power of magic. And witness the Chest of Wonders! [Dan shows up from the box]
You, sir, are baloney! You're no more magical than my big toe!
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Can your big toe do this? [he tries to zap Dan but fails] What the?
Aw, I wish I had a wand like that. [he and Magnifico the Magnificent try to zap each other] No! Stop being amazed! This isn't magic. It's just a metal rod hooked up to a car battery.
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Who taught you my magic trick?
[while Magnifico the Magnificent is trying to zap him] No one. I figured them out with plain old common sense. [the crowd laughs] I'll admit levitating was the hardest one. Turns out it's nothing more than fishing line and pulleys.
[Peter and the bodyguard play a trick on Magnifico the Magnificent]
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Aha! Sleep!
[the crowd cheers]
Looks like his next trick's gonna be regaining consciousness. [found something hidden] Chloroform vapor.
Wow. Mr. Mumbles did not want to leave that dove room.
Stay right here! Time to show you a trick or two. [she defeats the bodyguard]
Happy birthday! [gives Elise the necklace]
You don't understand. The magician stole it, right? And my great-great-grandmother and then Dan-
Well, folks, we've all been through something very special tonight. I think it's clear now that magic is a bunch of hogwash. I hope that you've all learned-
MMMagnifico the Magnificent
Hey, Dan! Abra-- [Mr. Mumbles defeats him]
I've never seen Mr. Mumbles attack anyone like that before.
See? Everything has an explanation.
Dan Vs. · 241 quotes
