[Dan and Chris arrive at a castle]
Talk about gaudy. Yeesh. This is perfect. We penetrate their sanctum sanctorum and expose magic for the fraud that it is. [he and Chris walk up to the bodyguard] Two, please.
Tickets, passes, whatever.
BBodyguard
You have to say the magic words.
BBodyguard
Clearly, you are not magicians. Please get off our property.
Listen, meathead. We need to see The Amazing Peter. It's important. I promised I'd return his baseball bat.
BBodyguard
Look, buddy. Either disappear or I will make you disappear.
Fine. Come on, Chris. We'll just have to-ATTACK! [the bodyguard grabs his baseball bat] Run! [he runs off as he and Chris climb up a tree to sneak through the castle] Come on, it's not that far to the roof.
I don't know. This doesn't seem safe.
Nothing worth doing is safe. Was marrying Elise safe?
Well, there you have it. Hey!
BBodyguard
[shows up as a genie] What do you think you're doing?
Wow, that guy's really- [falls off a tree]
Next time. [takes a dive off the tree]
[with Dan in the river with a crocodile] Still think magic's not real?
[Chris and Dan are chained up in jail]
Magnifico did magic on you.
He did! He stopped you dead in your tracks. It was magic, real magic.
BBodyguard
[as he is taking Elise to jail] Stop struggling. You're only making it worse. This should cool you off.
Well, as long as we're all chained up, I might as well tell you the whole story. It all started on my 8th birthday. [scene cuts to her memory from her 8th birthday]
Good afternoon, boys and girls. I am Magnifico the Magnificent, and I need a volunteer to help me do some magic!
KEKid Elise
Oh, oh, me, me!
Everyone, give a big hand for Elise. Alright, just sit down. Alright, on 3! 3!
[Kid Elise screams as Magnifico the Magnificent plays a trick on her]
KEKid Elise
[as she is trapped inside a box] Help me! [as she is spinning on the wheel] Please, stop! Ta-da!
[the kids cheer as kid Elise gets scared as her flashback ends]
Please ever since then, I haven't even been able to be in the same room as a magician.
Wow, that's awful. I mean, it doesn't explain what you're doing here right now, which was my original question, but still awful.
Well, after what happened to me, I certainly couldn't let someone I love get hurt by magic. So I followed you here, I snuck in successfully, but when a magician asked if he could saw me in half, I sort of lost it. What? He'll live.
[after freeing himself off his chain] Ahh, much better.
Wait. How did you get free?
Well, I got really bored during Elise's story. Then I remembered my left thumb is double-jointed.
How did you get your other hand free?
[whispering] Well, help us.
BBodyguard
Do you believe in magic? You bet do.
There's no time. I'll have to come back for you guys. Don't move. [he climbs on Chris as he heads out to the vent]
BBodyguard
Hey where's the third guy?
[while hosting his magic show] Behold the power of magic. And witness the Chest of Wonders! [Dan shows up from the box]
You, sir, are baloney! You're no more magical than my big toe!
Can your big toe do this? [he tries to zap Dan but fails] What the?
Aw, I wish I had a wand like that. [he and Magnifico the Magnificent try to zap each other] No! Stop being amazed! This isn't magic. It's just a metal rod hooked up to a car battery.
Who taught you my magic trick?
[while Magnifico the Magnificent is trying to zap him] No one. I figured them out with plain old common sense. [the crowd laughs] I'll admit levitating was the hardest one. Turns out it's nothing more than fishing line and pulleys.
[Peter and the bodyguard play a trick on Magnifico the Magnificent]
[the crowd cheers]
Looks like his next trick's gonna be regaining consciousness. [found something hidden] Chloroform vapor.
BBodyguard
Magnifico! No!
Wow. Mr. Mumbles did not want to leave that dove room.
Stay right here! Time to show you a trick or two. [she defeats the bodyguard]
Happy birthday! [gives Elise the necklace]
You don't understand. The magician stole it, right? And my great-great-grandmother and then Dan-
Well, folks, we've all been through something very special tonight. I think it's clear now that magic is a bunch of hogwash. I hope that you've all learned-
Hey, Dan! Abra-- [Mr. Mumbles defeats him]
I've never seen Mr. Mumbles attack anyone like that before.
See? Everything has an explanation.
Dan Vs. · 241 quotes
