CSI: Crime Scene Investigation quotes

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Catherine: What do you think?
Warrick: Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job. I can always tell when Whitey's talking out his ass. It's a gift.

Brass: I think every new hire should experience an autopsy on their first night.

Grissom: Morning. Gil Grissom, forensics. I'm taking over the case for Warrick Brown. Mind if I come in?
Husband: [sighs] How can I help you?
Grissom: I need to give you a pedicure.
Husband: Come again?

Grissom: If latex rubber and cooking spray went on a blind date, how would the night end?
Charlotte: A lot better than ours did.
Grissom: I know, Pink Floyd's not your thing.
Charlotte: I have on cowboy boots. I work in a lab. What makes you think "Dark Side of the Moon" synched to the Wizard of Oz is going to warm my damn barn?
Grissom: I just thought it'd be something different.
Charlotte: You want to be different? Pin me up against a wall; lay one on me like you mean it.
[Charlotte gets up and walks past Grissom.]
Charlotte: You're slacking, pal.
[She sits down in front of the computer database. The computer beeps and starts running through print comparisons.]
Grissom: How long till we get a hit?
Charlotte: It could be four minutes, could be four days but you can bet your ass she'll give you something. She always does.
Grissom: "Pin you against a wall?"
[Grissom casts Charlotte a sideways glance.]

Royce Harmon: [Recorded] My name is Royce Harmon. I reside at 7642 Carpenter Street, Las Vegas, Nevada. I am 41 years of age ... and I'm going to kill myself.

Catherine: [explaining the job to Holly, the new girl] We restore peace of mind. And when you're a victim, that's everything. Stick it out. At least until you solve your first. And after that, if you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit. But if you stay, with my right hand to God, you will never regret it.

Sgt. O'Riley: [Describing Brass and Grissom] Here comes the "nerd squad".

Greg: I've got to warn you, oral swabs don't always read right. Vaginal swabs? No problem. Anal swabs? Money.
Nick: Anal swabs?
Greg: Anal swabs.

Grissom: [yelling at Warrick] We solve these cases regardless of race, color, creed, or bubblegum flavor!

Grissom: I need you to roll up your sleeve and give me a pint of your blood
Holly: What for?
Grissom: It's customary for all new hires.
Holly: Why?
Grissom: So many reasons...
[some time later] [Grissom is undertaking a blood spatter reconstruction using real blood]
Warrick: Where'd you get the blood?
Grissom: The new girl. Want to donate?
Warrick: Hell no.

[Holly Gribbs is observing her first autopsy]
Grissom: You gotta breathe through your ears, Gribbs.

[To a room full of 'corpses', after Holly Gribbs was frightened into hysterics]
Grissom: You assholes!

Nick: How do you know all this crap?
Grissom: It's our job to know stuff.

Grissom: Yes, yes, Norman pushed. Norman jumped. Norman fell.
Sara: Wouldn't you, if you were married to Mrs. Roper?
Grissom:I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle.
Sara: That's me. Still tossin' simulation dummies? There are other ways to tell, you know.
Grissom: No thanks. I'm a scientist. I like to see it. Newton dropped the apple. I drop dummies.
Sara: You're old school.
Grissom: Exactly. And this guy was pushed.
Sara: How's the girl?
Grissom: She's still in surgery. She's not doing very well.
Sara: That's too bad.
Grissom: God, Sara, I have so many unanswered whys.
Sara: There's only one why that matters now, why did Warrick Brown leave the scene?

Sara: Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?
Catherine: She's out in the field. Let me guess, Sara Sidle?
Sara: I know who I am, I think you're a little confused.
Catherine: If you think you're taking my case, Forget it.
Sara: Ok, we can stay here and argue or we can get out there and find who did this to Holly Gribbs. Two sharp woman are better than one..