Warrick Brown quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Warrick

Damn! Why didn't I see that coming? Gambling?

Nick

Hey, we're all in Nevada. It's legal; don't worry about it.

Warrick

Legal doesn't matter in there. You know the judge is going to throw out our blood evidence, right?

Nick

Truth is, it is compromised, Warrick.

Warrick

The blood is fine. It's their methods that are dirty.

Warrick

Cath? You all right? Don't let him get to you like that.

Catherine

I was scared...and I still am. [Warrick puts his arms around Catherine] Don't tell anyone, okay?

Warrick

You know I could do this for you.

Catherine

Not going to hurt any less. (Catherine takes a swab from the cut on her head)

Warrick

Two guys break and enter and get into some kind of an altercation.

Catherine

One ends up killing the other.

David

And almost Catherine. That had to be scary, huh?

Catherine

I didn't have time to be scared, David

Warrick

There was this one case where a boxer put lead shot in his gloves to increase his punching power. And also ancient greek limapulists used a glove weighted with metal, called a "cestus."

Grissom

You making a classical reference?

Warrick

Yeah. I thought you'd like that.

Sara

(a phone book get thrown into the hallway as Sara goes by and she jumps back) Why are you throwing phone books?

Warrick

'Cause a beaker gets glass all over the place.

Sara

(sweetly) What's wrong?

Warrick

It's this curtain that the porn girl was found wrapped in. I've got no prints, no second donor. I've got nothing to link this porn guy to the girl's murder. It's just driving me nuts.

Sara

(sarcastically) I'm fine.

Warrick

(realises he almost hit her) I'm sorry. Are you okay?

Sara

(smiles) Yeah. (puts her hand on his shoulder) You missed me by a mile. We may have something.

Warrick

Really?

Sara

Right here. I wanted to show you. When he's stabbing her, she's bleeding all over him.

Warrick

Well, a void proves that, but we still can't prove it's him.

Sara

Yeah, but her blood might. Catherine and I suspect transference. She had HIV.

Warrick

Well, how are we going to get a sample of Sampson's blood?

Sara

Warrant, based on the butterscotch dirt that you found on his car.

Warrick

[has a lightbulb moment] Oh, I like that.

Sara

[smiles] You might want to apologize to the phonebook.

Warrick

You know it's illegal in the state of Nevada to have venomous snakes?

If you handle them correctly, snakes are harmless. I know what I'm doing.

Grissom

Yeah, that's what we're afraid of.

Warrick

You ever buy a brand-new car, Griss?

Grissom

Depreciation doesn't make it a logical investment.

Warrick

It's not about logic. It's about that smell. There's nothing like the smell of a brand-new car.

Warrick

This guy has been in Mat's house.

Grissom

What is this?

Warrick

Mat's team won this three years ago. This trophy was given to the rec center last year. I found all this stuff in Jacobs' car. Look at this.

Grissom

If this is evidence, it needs to be tagged and cataloged.

Warrick

This is the same guy who shot Mat's daughter in the head and he's walking around laughing at us.

Grissom

Can you prove that?

Warrick

What is this? I've been putting guys away like this for years. And now that it matters it's like that you're holding me back here.

Grissom

Your job, Warrick, is to process the evidence. Objectively and without prejudice.

Warrick

I'm so tired of hearing that. I've heard it a million times. I can't be like you, I'm not a robot, ok? I, actually, care about this people.

Grissom

Y'know what? You're not working on this case anymore. I have another assignment for you tomorrow.

Warrick

Keep it.

Grissom

Greg, how many licks are take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Greg

The world may never know.

Warrick

Just see if you get some DNA off this stick, would you?

Greg

All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.

Grissom

All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy.

Warrick

I blew it.

Grissom

Yeah. But you're not the one who's paying for it.

Nick

The semen sample I recovered is still being processed in DNA.

Greg

[walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.

Nick

Whose?

Greg

I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.

Catherine

Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.

Greg

Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.

Nick

That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.

Warrick

You'd know it, spanky

Grissom

Linens and towels from The Sphere on top of the washing machine, and what I believe to be sheets from the motel inside the dryer. Both positive presumptive for blood.

Nick

Think they were being smart taking the sheets, or did they just get off sleeping on 'em?

Warrick

Either way, they were sick and dangerous.

Grissom

What does that say about whoever killed them?

Archie

You know, if I had my choice about how I was going to go out, it would not be electrocution. I think an aneurysm in my sleep, quick and painless.

Warrick

I like surprises.

Archie

Whoa-ho!

Warrick

What you got?

Archie

Ultimate power. I could program this bad boy to make me a cup of coffee.