Warrick Brown quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

One pint. To go.

S2 E3 Overload

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Warrick

Robert Harris. Does that name mean anything?

Yeah, especially if you bet against me.

S2 E3 Overload

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Warrick

Bobby Dawson's taking odds. 2:1 Grissom's wrong, 5:1 he gets suspended for shutting down the jail house, 10:...

Fired?

S2 E3 Overload

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Warrick

Hey Sara what were you in high school?

Science Nerd.

You changed, you still smell.

S2 E4 Bully for You

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So how's your new toy working out?

Warrick

It's been downsized.

Bummer. I know how you wanted to see that thing work.

Warrick

Well, it's the same difference, really. Air is drawn into the last tube the chalk absorbs the chemicals from the air. And mass spec will break it down at the lab.

So why did you need the expensive one in the first place?

Warrick

'Cause it was cool. (Cath smiles at his honesty)

S2 E4 Bully for You

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'Nick: Shut up. She was not.

Warrick

I saw her in action.

Really?

Warrick

Yeah, she was.

Catherine?

(walks in and smiles) I was what?

Warrick

I was just telling Nick how you were a big bully in high school.

A bully? All right, I guess I was. But, I mean, not the kind that people want to take a gun out and shoot.

Warrick

No.

No, no. You were the kind that guys fall all over themselves trying to impress.

(smiling) Like you, Nick, huh? (Cath puts a hand on his shoulder for emphasis, he gets it. And sits down) Oh, Nick...what were you in high school?

Me? I was, uh...I was "dependable".

Dependable.

Mmhmm.

Dependable jock, dependable stoner?

No. Never a strap, never a smoker. Just all-around "dependable" guy, I guess.

Warrick

What Nick's trying to say he was unpopular. (Cath laughs. Sara walks into the break room)

Nick, Ronny's got something on Liquid Man, says it's hot.

Great. (gathers things and gets up)

Warrick

Hey Sara, what were you in high school?

Sara'

Science nerd. (Nick walks past her and sniffs)

You changed? (whispers) But you still smell. Let's go. (they leave)

So that leaves you, Warrick. What were you?

Warrick

Oh, I was short, I had big feet, thick glasses.

You?

Warrick

Yeah. I got pushed around by all the guys and never got any play from the girls.

The girls didn't even notice your eyes?

Warrick

No, they used to tease me about my eyes. Called me names.

Aww, well, what do they know? They're your best feature.

(Sara is working on the decomp and Hank finds her in the lab, and she excuses herself for a minute)

S2 E4 Bully for You

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Warrick

So were you a jock or a brain?

I was a ghost.

S2 E4 Bully for You

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Warrick

The job is fine. It's the other stuff -- the personalities.

I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.

Warrick

Is that Einstein?

Linus.

Warrick

Charlie Brown. Figures.

S2 E10 Ellie

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Okay, let's run this. Amanda was tired of being number two, so she calls up Mrs. Logan to discuss her affair with her husband. But Mrs. Logan doesn't just discuss it she throws down the gauntlet.

Amanda broke the only rule. Don't call the missus.

Now he really has a problem.

Warrick

Two problems. His wife is going to leave him, take half his money and he was going to jail.

You got to admit, his solution was ingenious.

Most killers take their time planning a murder. He took his time covering it up. Forty-eight hours to be precise. So Logan cleans up the crime scene and calls his lawyer. Asks him to help him with his little charade. I mean, what better way to protect your assets than to pay a kidnapper who's already on retainer?

Everything from that point on was calculated.

Blood on his hands...he's the last customer of the day at the bank. Acting suspiciously...

...driving recklessly.

Warrick

He knew he'd get hauled in to the cops.

You bet your ass. He didn't leave those sunglasses behind by accident. His cell phone rang on cue. The call's for me. He practically forced that money into his lawyer's hands.

Out of one pocket, into the other. I especially liked the little show he did for us in the coroner's lab. Trying to find out how much we knew.

Why make the map? Why lead Catherine to the body?

Because without the body Logan would always be under suspicion.

If not by the police, by his wife.

Warrick

So, he left these wine glasses for you to find.

Sure, we wanted us to suspect the wife. That's why he used her SUV to transport the body. And he let me mark the money because he knew that eventually his lawyer would touch it.

Why though? The money was in a suitcase.

Warrick

A million dollars. Pretty tempting.

I saw the locker and I saw Logan's briefcase. It was too big to fit inside. His lawyer had to remove the cash by hand.

How could he possibly know that Catherine was going to mark the money?

Warrick

He didn't. He probably thought the bank marked it.

Besides, there's always fingerprints.

So I did everything in my power to help him.

S2 E14 The Finger

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[Sara and Cath are in the hallway walking into the breakroom]

Wow, you got to go to the body farm?

Yeah.

I've always wanted to go there. What was it like?

Quiet.

[Now in the breakroom]

Warrick

I hear Grissom goes there all the time. Like even on his nights off.

[Walking over to the fridge] Why does that not surprise me? [He opens the fridge and sighs] Man, something stinks in here again. [He grabs his lunch out of the fridge]

What, bad milk? Cottage-cheese bad?

Worse. It's all over my sandwich. Smell that. [He hands her his sandwich, she reacts to the smell. She then kneels down to look in the fridge and sees a container on the top shelf]

Yeah. He's got one of his experiments in there.

You're kidding me?

Catherine Blood or bugs?

It's not bugs.

Warrick

Oh, that's so not cool. That's a community fridge.

Man, someone has got to talk to Grissom about this.

[Walking in]: Talk to me about what?

You leaving your experiments in our refrigerator.

Well, the lab fridge was full. I put in last night.

Well...

I'm going to test for horizontal motion on bloodstains. Vis-a-vis surface textures. [Nick looks annoyed. Catherine takes a sip of her coffee and discretely tries to ignore the smell. Grissom is clueless as he takes out the container of blood from the fridge and opens it] Hey, any of you guys got any linoleum at home? [Catherine catches a smell of the open container and this time, she discretely pinches her nose trying to avoid the smell. Sara is quiet]

[sits down still annoyed at being ignored] That blood is rank, man.

Grissom I know. That's why the Red Cross gives it to us 'cause it's past its expiration date. [Grissom puts it back in the fridge and talks to Catherine about the case a little then leaves]

Warrick

Way to go, Nick. You really told him.

I told him...he just didn't hear it.

S2 E15 Burden of Proof

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[Nick walks into the break room after pulling down a departmental newsletter from a bulletin board entitled "CRIME STOPPER" with an article about him]

[laughing]

Warrick

Who wrote this?

You're kidding me, right?

Warrick

[dramatic voice] Nick Stokes, crime stopper! [Warrick and Sara laugh] You went Hollywood on me man!

And I quote, 'In his off time, he enjoys creating and inventing toys.' That's...facinating...what kind of toys do you make Nick?

I thought I got my hands on all those departmental newsletters. Where'd you get those?

SWSara and Warrick

[simultaneously] Greg.

[pause] Yeah, that figures.

S2 E19 Stalker

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CCalleigh

(holding up a shell casing) Normally you can spot a Glock casing from about a block away! (examining it) Rectangular firing pin impressions. This isn't fired from your chief's weapon! (realizes she hasn't introduced herself) Oh! By the way! I'm Calleigh Duquesne! (before Catherine can speak) Don't ask me how to spell it! (sees the look on Catherine's face) Southern!

Well I'm southern too! (means the country) Nevada!

Horatio

(laughs at Catherine's comment which earns him a jealous look from Calleigh)

CCalleigh

Do you have a theory on how the mother and girl ended up here from Las Vegas?

We don't work theories! (notices Warrick checking out Calleigh) Do we, Warrick?

Warrick

(snapping back to reality) No, just the evidence!

CCalleigh

(laughs) Well, we're a bit more fanciful down here. Aren't we Horatio?

Horatio

I'd say that's a fair point!

S2 E22 Cross-Jurisdictions

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Warrick

(Throws magazine onto roof of car) Hey

Ooooh, Pretty girl

S2 E23 The Hunger Artist

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Tom Haviland's attorneys are not waiving time.

Are you serious?

They're actually exercising their right to a speedy trial?

Gil

No requests for continuances, no stall tactics. They're pushing for their day in court.

Warrick

Good defense attorney always does the last thing you expect.

Yeah. What typically drags on for months has now been put on the fast track and the prelim is less than 72 hours.

Greg

I'm only done processing half the evidence.

You're going to have to call in help, because if the judge thinks that our evidence isn't strong enough to go to trial, he's going to dismiss the charges on Tom.

Can't the D.A. drop the charges and we'll refile when we get our evidence together?

Sure, but the odds are that Tom will relocate to Europe and pull a Polanski.

Greg

And what's a Polanski?

Get-out-of-jail-free card. One more thing: Westcott just added a forensic scientist to their roster. She wants him to examine every piece of evidence we have against Haviland.

As soon as it's processed they'll get a copy of our report.

Gil

They're entitled to see it as it's processed.

I've never done a case where the defendant took advantage of that rule of discovery.

Gil

Well, when you can't attack the evidence itself, you attack the method of gathering the evidence.

So who's their guy?