Jim Brass quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Brass

Miss Farrell, were you aware that Mr. Pennington withdrew over $100,000 from his bank account yesterday?

Um, why? Uh, no, I didn't know anything about that.

Brass

Then this will be a short visit.

Ray

I found bloodstains on Miss Farrell's party dress.

Brass

Oh.

Ray

It's been washed.

I look great in that dress. I wanted to wear it out tonight, so I had to clean it. It was dirty.

Brass

Those incriminating DNA stains can be so hard to get out.

Oh no. There is no death, only transmogrification.

Brass

Well that's a relief.

It is better to be agreeable than to be right.

Brass

That's not religion, that's marriage.

Hodges

[Calls Brass on his cell phone.] It's Hodges.

Brass

Who?

Hodges

From trace. We have a situation at the Whatifitcon.

Brass

The Whatifit-what? How'd you get this number?

Hodges

I cloned Grissom's cell phone for a work related matter. That's not important now. We have a situation. It's one of the exhibitors.

Brass

Could you be more specific?

Hodges

He's dead, Jim.

Brass

I'm going to need some contact information on them.

Mom! We're going to be late!

Just a minute. [To Brass.] Mountain View Cemetery, Plot 921.

Brass

I talked to the neighbors, nobody had anything bad to say about Mrs Kelly, in fact they all called her a saint. Specials eds teacher, she's a friend to kids, stray dogs, and anyone with a problem.

Catherine

Well I must have met her evil clone.

I don't know. It's a set-up, I'm being framed.

Brass

Who framed you, Roger Rabbit?

Jim Brass

You know, I'm curious, uh, have you had any problems with disgruntled employees lately?

No more than usual. I mean come on, you know what we do here?

Jim Brass

Yeah, I read the sign. You're support operations for The Tangiers.

Which means we laminate badges, distribute uniforms and issue parking permits. We are the testicles of the casino business, my friend. If you're working here, it's not 'cause you want to be.

Brass

I put my credibility on the line for you. CSIs said excessive force, I said 'no way'.

Officer Finn

That's right.

Brass

Oh, really? [plays the dispatch recording of Officer Finn calling Sergeant Johnson a black son of a bitch.]

Officer Finn

I don't remember saying that.

I'm advising you not to speak, not until we hear the complete recording and check the witness statements.

Officer Finn

You think I'm racist? I don't remember, if I said he was black, I was describing the suspect. I was so focused on what the gun was doing I...

Brass

Did you see his face?

Officer Finn

No, it was dark out.

Brass

Are you telling me, you didn't recognize Scott Johnson? He was a trainee, he rode with you, he was your damn partner for four months. You spent 8 hours a day in a car together. You saw more of him than you did of your wife.

This was over 5 years ago.

Brass

So you're telling me you didn't recognize a guy who put a formal complaint in your file for racial discrimination? Let me read this to you: "Frequent and excessive use of racial epithets including the 'N' word."

Officer Finn

First of all, no. I didn't recognize Johnson. And second, yeah, sure, I use street talk with the trainees.

Brass

Come on, you know that doesn't fly anymore.

Officer Finn

But believe me, whatever they get from me is nothing compared to what they're gonna get from the real gorillas in the jungle.

That's a poor choice of words.

Officer Finn

I am training them for the real world and of the dozens and dozens of people I have trained, and that is every color of the rainbow, pal. That hard ass was the only one who ever complained. The only one. He's the racist, not me.

Captain, do you know how much the university pays campus security?

Brass

Well, I know that prison inmates make 15 cents an hour. Is it less than that?

You found my Beemer? Good work, boys.

Brass

When you reported it stolen, did you know there was a dead girl inside?

Well, it came fully loaded, but a dead girl wasn't part of the package.

Catherine

What's with all the blood?

Oh, don't take that tone with me, blondie. This is the blood on an innocent Samaritan.

Brass

Oh, yeah? We got a special on Samaritans, we're arresting them tonight.

Dede partied with my girls for a couple days. Asked me to hold on to her valuables whilst she went clubbin'.

Brass

Did she also ask you to beat her, rape her, and slit her throat?

If someone wanted to plant blood, they could do it in any crime scene. What kind of a monster would kill a kid to accomplish that?

Brass

The same kind of monster who couldn't just divorce Samantha Rose.