Greg Sanders quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Greg

Guy stands in the middle of a 3-way shootout and strolls out alive?

Nick

Was he just lucky, or bulletproof?

It was a mathematical certainty that a woman like that would report the assault or she would blackmail me for the rest of my life. So, the only logical thing to do was to kill her.

Greg Sanders

And you applied that same logic when Karen Jones showed up at your door?

You know what the stupid girl did? She, she pointed a gun at me and she demanded that I give her fifty thousand dollars for her friend's funeral.

Catherine Willows

Well, according to my math, the fifty thousand dollars that you saved is gonna cost you twenty years to life.

Wait. Look, I, I am a good man. I work hard. I love my wife. I contribute to society. I mean, these people, you deal with them all the time. And those girls? They were just, they were just worthless criminals.

Catherine Willows

No, they were human beings. You're the worthless criminal.

Greg

Sounds like Shawn was really trying to change his life.

Catherine

Probably what got him killed.

Ray

It's always easier to , uh, embrace hatred than it is to leave it behind.

Sara

I understand not wanting to share the details of your personal life with your co-workers. But when you don't share the fruits of your investigative work...

Catherine

No, he will from now on. He wasn't purposely shutting us out.

Greg

Look, I really like Ray. I think he's a great CSI. But if he doesn't trust us, how can we have his back?

Sara

And how can he have ours?

Nick

Since when do you worry about identity theft?

Greg

Every aspect of our life has been reduced to binary code, Nick. All we are is zeroes and ones. Easy pickings.

Hodges

So, is this, uh, bullet fragment telling you a story?

Greg

Once upon a time, a cranium met a nine-by-19 millimeter Parabellum round. The end.

Brass

So Sylvester and Tweety whacked their owners.

Greg

Think of it as a series of unfortunate events.

Brass

What do you mean, don't think of it as a cartoon?

Greg

And I quote: "She is not merely dead, she is most sincerely dead."

Nick

I beg to differ, Dorothy.

Greg

If you knew your Wizard of Oz, you'd know that it was the Munckhin coroner that pronounced her dead, not the girl with the dog.

Catherine

[to Greg] You did good.

Greg

Yeah, well, most bosses wouldn't have given me the chance to make it right.

Catherine

Oh, make no mistake. I'm pissed off at you, Greg. You disappeared on us, you walked into an ambush, you almost got yourself killed and then you left the scene of a crime.

Greg

Am I on suspension?

Catherine

You should be. [pauses] But I'm the last one who should be throwing stones. I've been blinded by lust once or twice. Just do me a favor. The next time you get the hots for a mysterious babe, let me check her out for you. I got an eye for the rotten ones.

Greg

Deal. Catherine?

Catherine

Yeah?

Greg

Why do the rotten ones smell so good?

Greg

Instead of coming back for her stuff, she comes back for revenge.

Ray

Well, revenge is one thing, but, uh, shoving his dead wife's ashes down his throat and slicing him up, that's a monster.

Catherine

[to Greg] Running from another stripper?

Greg

Burlesque dancer. And that's not funny.

Morgan

Good to put a face with the name. You don't look like a history nerd.

Greg

Neither do you. I mean the nerd part. Not that you are a nerd or that there's anything wrong with being a nerd.

Morgan

I'm not saying I don't like Vegas. I'm just saying L.A. clearly owns it in a number of key categories. Vegas has no heart, no history...

Greg

No history?

D.B.

No taxes ought to quiet your complaint.

Morgan

No ocean.

Greg

All right, Morgan, I'll give you the ocean.

Morgan

And the weather and the Lakers. And the ability to walk down the street without being handed full-frontal business cards.

Greg

Okay, but if you think L.A. beats Vegas at night, you need professional help.

Morgan

Oh! You offering your services?

Greg

Messy stabbing, messy scene, clean getaway. Like the killer just vanished.

Morgan

Bloody Mary.

Greg

Well, yeah, there's an empty bottle of vodka on the bed.

Morgan

No, not the drink, the ghost. You stand in front of a mirror, lights out, you say your name three times and she bursts through the glass and kills you.

Greg

Are we at a crime scene or a 7th grade sleepover?

Greg

Uh, 200 party guests, all swabbed, printed and checked for spatter. All clean.

D.B.

Well, maybe you'll have more luck at your next case. I want you to restock your kit and go meet Morgan at the park motel. (Greg walks away smiling) It's a scene, not a date, you wacky kid.