Morgan Brody quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Morgan

Good to put a face with the name. You don't look like a history nerd.

Greg

Neither do you. I mean the nerd part. Not that you are a nerd or that there's anything wrong with being a nerd.

Nick

Well, if you ask me, they're all primo. And hey, look at the bright side, you get to work with me.

Morgan

That's the bright side?

Nick

(laughs) Oh...

Morgan

I'm not saying I don't like Vegas. I'm just saying L.A. clearly owns it in a number of key categories. Vegas has no heart, no history...

Greg

No history?

D.B.

No taxes ought to quiet your complaint.

Morgan

No ocean.

Greg

All right, Morgan, I'll give you the ocean.

Morgan

And the weather and the Lakers. And the ability to walk down the street without being handed full-frontal business cards.

Greg

Okay, but if you think L.A. beats Vegas at night, you need professional help.

Morgan

Oh! You offering your services?

Greg

Messy stabbing, messy scene, clean getaway. Like the killer just vanished.

Morgan

Bloody Mary.

Greg

Well, yeah, there's an empty bottle of vodka on the bed.

Morgan

No, not the drink, the ghost. You stand in front of a mirror, lights out, you say your name three times and she bursts through the glass and kills you.

Greg

Are we at a crime scene or a 7th grade sleepover?

Morgan

You'd be the wedding expert, I guess.

Your mom's a multiple offender too, you know.

Morgan

But her second one stuck.

Brass

I think she's more than lying. I think we're looking at a modern Ma Barker here. You know, Ma Barker had four sons. Herman, Lloyd, Arthur and Fred. Masterminded her own Little Crime House on the Prairie.

Morgan

Wow. You're like a World Book of Crime.

Hodges

Si, Italiano è la lingua dell'amore.

Morgan

Oh, I always thought the language of love was français.

Hodges

Only to the French.

Morgan

Touché.