Catherine Willows quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Grissom

Your phone's ringing.

Catherine

You can hear that?...[Smiles] You're back.

Grissom

What?

Catherine

Whoa, this isn't half bad for college kids.

Sara

Yeah, why live in a one room flea bag when you can pool your resources and live like this.

Catherine

Hey how about it, you, me, Warrick, Nick, Grissom?

Sara

Oh, nah, not Grissom.

Catherine

What the hell is this?

Ma'am, you may want to take one of these. [The officer hands Sara an umbrella]

Sara

Thank you, thanks!

Catherine

Where's the body?

Upstairs.

Sara

Upstairs?

Yeah.

Catherine

It's raining MAN JUICE?

Sara

Hallelujah?

You might want to wear these.

Sara

Thank you.

Brass

Well, the rancher's going to get off, Linda's dead, and Wolfie... skates with a misdemeanor.

Catherine

We took one look at those furry suits and thought "foul play," but this was really just a domestic dispute gone mad.

Grissom

Fur and loathing in Las Vegas.

Catherine

Hey you!

Warrick

Hey.

Catherine

How're you holding up?

Warrick

I'm fine.

Catherine

You sure?

Warrick

Yeah.

Catherine

You're in the women's bathroom.

Greg

I understand why all these cadets are here. They have to be. But what's up with all these off-duty cops?

Catherine

Chance to be a hero. Girl's beautiful. These guys don't get many chances.

Greg

For what?

Catherine

To rescue a princess.

Doc Robbins

Dismembering an adult male with this much precision and without cutting through the bone. 12 hours minimum.

Catherine

Half of a day. That's patience.

Doc Robbins

The, uh, patella was cleanly removed. And with one slice, the femur was separated from the tibia and the fibula. There's a perverse elegance to this butchery.

Catherine

Well, I'm not so sure I see it that way. A killer with knowledge of anatomy whose tool is a scalpel. I think that the butcher was a doctor.

Catherine

We're mid-case. Why do we have to do this now?

Grissom

Well, unless I get this evaluation in, I'm gonna get written up.

Catherine

Okay. My goals...Oh, all right, okay, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life.

Grissom

You don't have a personal life?

Catherine

Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months!

Grissom

How can I help?

Grissom

You... Advance, I mean. You... have any interest in changing sections in the lab? For instance.

Catherine

Gil, how do you do this? Honestly, how do you juggle scheduling and vacations and time...

Grissom

The goal of any supervisor is to teach someone to take his place someday.

Catherine

Are you goin' some place?

Grissom

You never know.

Catherine

Are you considering me?

Grissom

Why not? You're certainly qualified. [She gets up to leave] But a CSI who uses the DNA lab to establish her own paternity calls into question her judgement. Don't you think?

Catherine

You left that out. Ar-are you covering for me?

Grissom

I believe that we dealt with this issue, handled it internally. As far as I'm concerned it's dead. And besides you'll never do it again. So, just sign your name by the red X.

Catherine

Before I sign, um... since we're putting all of our cards on the table there's something you should know, Sam Braun wrote me a check and I cashed it.

Grissom

For how much?

Catherine

Enough where Lindsey and I can do anything, and not enough to where we can do nothing.

Grissom

Sam Braun was a suspect in one of your murder cases, how does this not look like a pay off?

Catherine

I consulted a lawyer. It's a check from a father to a daughter it is completely out of departmental jurisdiction.

Grissom

What about conflict of interest? Not just for you but for this lab.

Catherine

Gil, I would never you or the lab.

Grissom

[Cutting her off and getting angry] Maybe not legally, but ethically? [She sighs and looks at her lap and then back at him] What else should I know, Catherine?

Catherine

That's everything. [She signs the sheet and leaves]

Catherine

Alright, what do those look like to you?

Greg

Semen stains.

Catherine:

Yeah.

Greg

Which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative.

Catherine

No.

Greg

I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.

Catherine

Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

Doc Robbins

Urine... you're out.

Catherine

Home pregnancy test, huh?

Doc Robbins

It's about 10 times cheaper than the brand sold by our medicial supply company. But just as accurate.

Catherine

Eye on the bottom line. I find that very---

Doc Robbins

Sexy?

Catherine

Prudent. But that was a good try.

Doc Robbins

Ah, plus sign. You know what that means.

Catherine

Who's yo daddy?

Catherine

You okay?

Grissom:

I'm fine. (she turns his head to the right to see his neck injury)

Catherine

Nasty. Kinda looks like a hickey. (Grissom makes a face and pushes her hand away) You wanna tell me what got this party started?

Grissom

I scraped his nails.

Catherine

That's it?

Greg

Everyone but the little guy was gettin' high and gettin' by. Daughter was on uppers, Mom's on downers and Grandma was on the cancer stick.

Catherine

Ritalin, Valium and Grandma's a liar.

Greg

Pants on fire.

Catherine

So, it's gone from intentional to accidental to personal. Who have we got?

Warrick

Nick's girlfriend (Nick laughs)

Nick

Well, Rick Chilson did call Sabrina a "bitch" while we were talking.

Catherine

Charming.

Nick

Yeah, he's an ass, but his alibi checks out.

Catherine

[out of breath] What the hell kind of music is that?

Grissom

Inspiration.

Catherine

Sedative!

Grissom

Okay. [Grissom changes the song to a country one.] How's this?

Catherine

How 'bout something that doesn't twang?

Lieutenant Mendez

I just made Lieutenant. I've got nothing to prove.

Catherine

A man with nothing to prove. Now that would be a first.