Catherine Willows quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Nick

Yeah, well that's tourist trash.

Sara

Thirteen million pounds per day. I went to the recycling forum in March.

Catherine

The landfill manager says this is the active cell. Spotter says cell lift moves forward 20 feet a day. That puts the active cell right ... pretty much in front of us.

Nick

Man! You find the best evidence in the nastiest places.

Catherine

You are what you throw away.

Sara

It's like peeling an onion in peoples' lives.

Catherine

Well, this onion is our time line so peel back accordingly.

Catherine

Heard you got to be superhero today.

Doc Robbins

I consider myself a superhero every day.

Sara

Cans are on private property, it's not trash day, how did you get consent?

Catherine

I talked to the president of the owner's association.

Nick

What'd you threaten her with?

Catherine

A return visit.

Doc Robbins

Second degree midline episiotomy scar.

Catherine

Well, that narrows it down to more than half the women in this country who gave birth.

Doc Robbins

But there might be one other thing. At first I thought appendectomy, but check out her x-ray. She's had surgery. Some kind of implant at the L4-L5 interspace. I'll know more when I open her up.

Catherine

You're my hero, Al.

Doc Robbins

An artificial spinal disc. If you can recreate a spine the possibilities are endless.

Catherine

I thought, uh, disc replacement surgery involved fusing bone to bone.

Doc Robbins

Eh, typically, but it can limit mobility. With that little disc, your body doesn't know the difference. Matches range of motion, flexibility and an axial rotation of a normal spine. Still in clinical trials. Less than a thousand surgeries have been performed in this country.

Catherine

Oh, well, I like those odds.

Doc Robbins

You'll like this even better. Medium endplate, size 12, polyethylene component and a six-degree lordosis angle. Narrowed it down to one. Amy Ennis. Austin, Texas.

Catherine

Tourist?

Brass

Have you ever seen anything like this before?

Catherine

How it manifested? No. But the cause? (beat) People throw things away every day.

Nick

The semen sample I recovered is still being processed in DNA.

Greg

[walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.

Nick

Whose?

Greg

I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.

Catherine

Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.

Greg

Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.

Nick

That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.

Warrick

You'd know it, spanky

Catherine

Hi. What'd I miss?

Grissom

Murder, seduction, deceit -- the usual.

Catherine

Mm. This one of your favorites?

Grissom

Actually, I'm not a big fan of noir.

Catherine

Okay. Well, what do you like?

Grissom

I like silent movies.

Catherine

Oh, Dougie Max was poisoned.

Greg

To the max.

Catherine

It's physically impossible to absorb a fatal dose of cocaine through the penis.

Grissom

Cite your source.

Brass

Did you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage?

Catherine

Ba-dum-bum

Brass

I'll be here all week.

Catherine

We have a bigger problem than we thought we did.

Hodges

Why are you looking at me?

Catherine

I'm not looking at you.

Hodges

Yes you are!

Catherine

Okay...

Catherine

What do you see?

Grissom

Nothing.

Catherine

What are you looking for?

Grissom

A punchline?

Brass

Ba-dum-bum.

Catherine

I'm gonna find out what Rone's mothers maiden name is.

Grissom

What's his mother got to do with it?

Catherine

She may have sold me my engagement ring.

Grissom

I'm not going with you.

Catherine

What do you mean?

Grissom

I'm scheduled for surgery at Desert Palm.

Catherine:

Surgery? [She walks over to him] Your hearing?

Grissom

[nods] Yep.

Catherine

I'm sorry.

Grissom

I'm not. Has to be done.

Catherine

What can I do?

Grissom

Nothin', I'm fine. Take care of the case.

Catherine

Wha--ah, that's it?

Grissom

That's it. Um... good luck.