Gil Grissom quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Greg

(after Grissom assigns him a case) Alright, who's my wingman?

Grissom

You're a big boy Greg; you don't need a wingman for this.

Grissom

Whoa! Pick on somebody your own size.

Sara

Are you volunteering?

Grissom

(long pause) No.

Grissom

Has someone called your parents? You should let them know-- [Greg groans] What's the matter?

Greg

They still think I'm in the lab.

Grissom

Why do they think that?

Greg

When I was in high school I never played any sports, no football, no basketball, definitely no hockey.

Grissom

[sarcastic] I never would have guessed.

Greg

Well, it wasn't my choice. My mom wanted four kids, ended up with only one. She always made sure I stayed close... and if I got a nosebleed, she'd take me to the ER.

Grissom

Well, now would be the time to come clean.

Greg

[beginning to cry] My mom's gonna freak.

Grissom

You tell her that you risked your life to save someone else's and I think she'll be very proud of you.

Catherine

Pig and the piglets are in the pigpen.

Warrick

About time. Finally some good news.

Catherine

Did you know that Pig, a.k.a Cole Tritt, was the only adult? The rest of 'em were all under 18. One was 14.

Warrick

Are you kidding? Who raises these kids?

Catherine

I mean, they weren't all delinquents. Demetrius James was a college student.

Nick

Hangin' out with the wrong crowd in the wrong town. I'm tellin' ya, a fake I.D in Las Vegas is like havin' a--a free ticket on the hell train. Sex, drugs, gambling, no adult supervision, 24/7, by the time they're 21 they've done and seen it all.

Catherine

Make me slit my wrists why don't ya? I'm raising a teenager here.

Warrick

Ah, you're doin' a great job, Linds is gonna turn out to be a beautiful young woman. Besides, I grew up in Vegas, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?

Nick

Yeah. That was pre-Mirage. Back when you were a little squirt goin' to the casino, playin' the arcade games. Nah, Vegas is a different animal now.

Warrick

Yeah, these kids need to beat people up in the street to be entertained. They need some good discipline, they need their grandmother whuppin' their ass like I had.

Nick

Yeah, a good slap.

Sara

You know, it kinda sounds like you guys are blaming everybody but these kids. I mean, you don't get a bye just because you grew up here or your parents are on drugs or--- those kids were perfectly capable of telling the difference between a wild night out and beating somebody to death.

Grissom

The truth is, a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, it can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore. And unfortunately this city is built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want, we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from killing someone. And evidently you don't even have to feel bad about it.

Catherine

18 years and this is my first crucifixion. In a Catholic church with no crucifixes.

Grissom

I imagine the priest is a resurrection theologian as opposed to a crucifixion theologian. They believe in forgiveness rather than penance.

Catherine

We could all use a little forgiveness.

Brass

Is it bigger sin to lie if you're a priest?

Grissom

I hope so.

It was innocent. He wasn't feeling well. He laid his head in my lap. I touched his hair. I didn't want to ... I loved him. I loved Lucas, and he loved me.

Gil Grissom

Is that what you think? Then why didn't you help him? He told you he hit his head. He was in pain. He had a concussion, Carl. You must have known that. I'm sure he was dizzy, probably had no appetite. Maybe he was even slurring his words, but you didn't care about that, because you wanted what you wanted. His brain was bleeding. Now, most kids won't die from that, because someone who really loves them takes them to the hospital, but instead, you gave him alcohol and aspirin, a lethal combination for his head injury. It prevented his blood from clotting. You killed him, Carl. And you would have killed Jason, too, except he ran away from you and out of your reach.

You're not listening to me. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I need you to believe me.

Gil Grissom

I don't. You had choices. You made the wrong ones. And now this little boy is gone.

Grissom

Our Mexican fisherman signed his television release form "F. Krueger."

Catherine

Freddy Krueger. Nightmare on Elm Street.

Archie

Yeah, and the karaoke singer was Michael Myers from Halloween.

Catherine

Parts one through nine.

Archie

Yeah, but who's the hotel killer? Who's Pamela Voorhees?

Catherine

Friday the 13th?

Archie

No, that's Jason. Oh no wait, Jason was the sequel. Pamela, the mother, was the killer in the original. That's the question that tripped up Drew Barrymore in Scream.

Catherine

Yeah, and look what happened to her.

Archie

You watch slasher flicks?

Catherine

With Lindsey, I do. They never get the spatter right.

Grissom

All I know is the master of all scary movies was Lon Chaney Sr., the man of a thousand faces, and that's what we're looking for.

Sara

Hey, guess what.

Grissom

Mankind has reached a new evolutionary plateau and starting tomorrow no-one will rape, murder or maim again?

Grissom

Hey, how's it going on your civil case? Did you get a lawyer?

Greg

LVPD said they'll provide me with an attorney.

Grissom

Get your own counsel, Greg. That's your right.

Greg

Well, are you gonna give me raise because otherwise I can't afford that.

Grissom

Call the PPAC and talk to your union rep. This was an on duty incident, they'll provide you with an attorney.

Greg

How's the union lawyer gonna be any different?

Grissom

The department's only interest is the department. They'll throw you under the bus to protect themselves. When's your deposition?

Greg

Three weeks from tomorrow.

Grissom

Stick to whatever you put in the report. Don't waver, be consistent. Everything's gonna be fine.

Grissom

What you got?

Warrick

Well, I'm just following a lead off some serialized butt implants.

Grissom

I missed Las Vegas.

Grissom

I, uh, heard that there was some friction in the lab when I was gone.

Warrick

Did you ever hear of reverse forensics? [Grissom looks up at him, a little shocked]

Grissom

Catherine, lay out room, right away!

Catherine

[enters] Gil, where's the fire? [Catherine sees the miniature crime scene and looks confused]

Grissom

It's been sitting in my office for the last four weeks.

Catherine

But we caught the miniature serial killer, he confessed.

Grissom

Yeah, I watched him blow his brains out. But, I think the package was post marked after he killed himself.

Catherine

So maybe he arranged to have it sent post-mortum.

Grissom

The three other murders, the miniature was left at the scene. This one was addressed to me.

Catherine

So now it's personal.

Catherine

Yeah, crabs. I am buying Lindsay a chastity belt.

Grissom

There's a hole in the middle to let the urine pass so theoretically she could still get them.

Catherine

You are so creepy sometimes.

Warrick

What is this, Grissom? Romeo and Juliet.

Grissom

Post-Mortem photography. Memento Mori. In the nineteenth century the photo of the dead loved one was a popular keepsake. Death remembered. One last look.