Gil Grissom quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Tell me, Mr. Grissom, how does a man choose death as his profession?

Grissom

It chose me, actually.

I guess one man's corpse is another man's candy. Care for a sip? Full of folacin.

You have one more question. How could I consume raw organs? Not morally -- aesthetically. I dried them and ground them into powder.

Grissom

Protein powder.

You want an empirical experience...I've got a fresh one [protein powder shake made from human organs] in my fridge.

She is nuts, right?

Grissom

She's a cold blooded killer.

Mr. Grissom. You're looking grim. I'm afraid I don't have a supplement for that.

Grissom

We found blood in your kitchen blender. The lab has matched it to the dead jogger.

It had to happen eventually.

Grissom

Why?

You're the scientist. I should have thought you'd figured that out.

Grissom

I haven't.

Think of the bugs, Grissom. Cycle of life. Angels versus insects. When we die the fable we tell ourselves is we go toward a white light and angels. But you and I both know the hard reality is that insects arrive immediately and begin turning us back to earth.

Grissom

Yes. But the insects haven't killed anyone.

No. But they'd die if they didn't have bodies to feed off of. And so will I. ... Porphyria.

Grissom

The madness of King George.

Or the Legend of the Vampire. Which makes it a real hard disease to have. But it's real for me.

Grissom

It's genetic.

Grissom

The only thing my father ever gave me. The first time it presented was after a minor sunburn. My lips receded -- so did my gums. I increased my glucose intake and I was fine ... for a while. I began a drug regimen but they only treated the symptoms. I had my spleen removed because it absorbed my blood. But nothing helped. Lesions started forming on my face. That's when I bought my first dog. Bullets and poison leave residue in the blood. Dogs kill clean. Imagine what I'd look like by now without them.

Grissom

You could've tried intravenous hematin.

Human blood is the richest source of heme.

Grissom

And so you extracted the organs with the most blood-- the liver, the spleen, the heart.

If you lock me up, I'll go mad.

Grissom

Unfortunately, a symptom of your condition. But you've been killing people, doctor.

I'll die in prison.

Grissom

Yes, but the people you'd be feeding off of will still be alive. Cycle of life.

Grissom

You said that you were a doctor. May I ask your specialty?

Nutrition. My patients are mostly professional athletes.

Grissom

Do you ever consult with amateur athletes? Like marathoners?

You mean like that jogger? What was his name?

Grissom

Terry Manning.

Doesn't ring a bell. And I'm very good with names, Mr. Grissom. You'll let me know when I can pick up Simba.

Grissom

You're assuming a lot.

So are you.

Grissom

Catherine. (Catherine looks at Grissom and doesn't say anything. He notices that she walked out of his office) What are you doing?

Catherine

The carnival case. I'm taking it.

Grissom

The carnival case?

Catherine

A six-year-old girl died on a ride at the carnival over on Washington. The paperwork's on your desk.

Grissom

(nods and glances at his office behind her) Did you straighten up my office while you were in there?

Catherine

You think I overstepped? ... These people come to town, they commit crimes and they leave. I just want to get there before the carnival moves on.

Grissom

Okay. Take Sara with you.

Catherine

She's meeting me there.

Nick

Man, do you turn it on like this at your seminars?

Grissom

People actually pay to go to my seminars, Nick. We've I.D.'d the dog.

Nick

Well, if he's got bits of jogger hanging out of his mouth, cuff him.

Greg

You know, most dogs have 42 teeth but, as you've discovered, your Cujo only has 41. Woof-woof.

Grissom

Did you ever hear a dog say "woof-woof," Greg? I mean, what is the origin of that? And what do we sound like to them, I wonder.

Greg

I don't know. Probably blah, blah, blah.

Grissom

(Grissom admits to a mistake) What?

Nick

Well, it's just that most people don't admit to being wrong.

Grissom

I'm wrong all the time. That's how eventually I get to "right".

Warrick

[Sitting in a rollercoaster seat] Whatever happened to my evaluation?

Grissom

You're sitting in it!

Grissom

Do you think a woman could've done this?

Catherine

I could.

Grissom

Scared of you...

Warrick

[Getting onto a roller coaster with Grissom] I thought we were getting a beer.

Grissom

We are, after this.

Warrick

C'mon, Grissom, you know this is your thing. [Starts to get up]

Grissom

Ah-ah-ah! Every 9 years and 34 days, I feel like sharing. You'll like it. It cleanses you.

Warrick

Cleanses me? Whatever happened to my evaluation?

Grissom

You're sitting in it.

Grissom

Repeat after me, Silk silk silk.

Nick

Silk silk silk.

Grissom

Now what do cows drink?

Nick

Milk.

Grissom

They drink water. They produce milk.

Catherine

Never doubt and never look back. That's how I live my life.

Grissom

I admire that.

Grissom

In the last 48 hours have you been anywhere else besides those two places?

No. My life's pretty routine.

Grissom

It might just get a little more routine.

Grissom

It's been 24 minutes, Greg. When is this thing going to be done?

Greg

Well, with all due respect sir, it's not a baked potato. Did I ever tell you I used to live in New York?

Grissom

Is this going to be a short story or a novel?

Greg

Excuse me. You know, heroin has a nine-minute half-life. After that, it metabolizes into morphine.

Grissom

What's the 6-MAM count?

Greg

A hundred fifty-eight nanograms per mil. Definitely not lethal. The same with your Xanax. Quarter-mil tabs, hundred micrograms per liter. Again, not lethal. There's addicts walking around Times Square with more drugs in their system.

Grissom

So Braun should still be walking around.

Grissom

...and the point of your New York story was...?

Greg

Oh, I was just going to tell you about another way to take heroin.. a suppository up the coolee. You just stand on your head, and then you let gravity...forget it!