Gil Grissom quotes from CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

Grissom

Have you got the DNA results from the fingernail Catherine found?

Greg

Yeah. They're not a match to Patrick Haynes.

Grissom

I never figured a man for the fingernail, Greg.

Greg

But this is where you break out the can of creep repellent. Half of the DNA markers are in common.

Grissom

A possible first degree relative?

Grissom

The Old Testament? The book of Jonah? And the Lord arranged for a fish to swallow up Jonah. You know what the problem with the piranha, though? They have high cholesterol.

Catherine

Cholesterol is found in humans, not fish. So how does a fish acquire human cholesterol?

Catherine

Caught in the act.

Grissom

I think that was the point.

Catherine

Oh yeah.

Grissom

What do you do for fun?

Sara

I chase rabbits...

Grissom

Let go of her.

Grissom

Catherine?

Catherine

Just keep him out of here.

Grissom

[to Eddie] I don't wanna ever see you in this building again. This is our place of business, you understand?

Eddie

I always knew you two had a thing.

Grissom

Go home Eddie.

Eddie

Sure.

Grissom

I think our robbery suspect just became our homicide victim

Catherine

Well that's one way to avoid the rap.

Grissom

I have a question

Ok?

Grissom

Since I screwed up our last date, would we ever have dinner again?

Oh we'll have dinner... just not together.

Grissom

I hear that Greg found uranium on the swab from Felton's skull.

Nick

Yeah. He says I'm okay, but you know Greg. Tell me, am I radiating a green glow?

Grissom

You know what they say about looks.

Brass

They can be deceiving?

Grissom

They can kill.

Grissom

(Grissom examines the bug Catherine took from the collapsed building. Grissom looks at the bug in the container while Catherine looks through the camera footage taken earlier on the computer monitor.) An anobiid powder-post beetle. Very nice specimen.

Catherine

He likes you, too. Now, tell me about him.

Grissom

Your building collapsed.

Catherine

You assigned me the case. You already know that.

Grissom

Well, this little guy confirms it. This species of beetle eats softwood. Tell me about the building.

Catherine

The frame's made of Douglas Fir.

Grissom

A delicacy.

Catherine

I did find more than a bug. Dry rot, questionable repairs, a jittery Engineer. And check this out. (She turns the monitor to the side to show Grissom.)

Grissom

Forget the beetle; this damage was intentional. You're looking for a homosapien.

Catherine

I know. Gives new meaning to "home wrecker."

Grissom

Catherine, there's a reason I assigned you this case. You're good with people, both the dead and the living.

Catherine

Translation: We're opening a political can of worms. The mayor's involved, an election's around the corner and you could've clued me in a little earlier. (Grissom looks back at the beetle in the container. He turns eagerly to Catherine.)

Grissom

Can I keep him?

Catherine

Sorry. It's evidence.

Grissom

Don't forget to feed him. (He hands the container back to Catherine.)

Catherine

I know...wood.

Grissom

Have you let anyone else touch this note? Police, a relative, anyone?

No, just us. Why?

Grissom

Well, because the person who touched it before you has your son, and he's just left us the first piece of the puzzle.

Sara

You told me a few weeks ago that nothing is personal. No victim should be special. Everyone follows your lead.

Grissom

Everyone didn't find that baby. I did. And that little boy is dead because someone lost their temper or screwed up, or god knows what. So, excuse me, but this victim is special.

Catherine

[Hands him an ice pack] Ice.

Grissom

I don't need this.

Catherine

Just do it.

Greg

I am the man.

Warrick

Why, what'd you do? Let me guess, you ran a DNA profile on the blood from the dead guy's knuckles and you got a match?

Greg

No.

Grissom

You ran a DNA profile and something very distinctive popped up?

Greg

Not quite.

Warrick

You made it out of bed and you dressed yourself?

Greg

...no.

Catherine

You missed the deadline. No Chicago for me.

Grissom

Oh, Catherine...

Catherine

This is the one meeting I needed to attend. I don’t always want to be second banana. I can probably do your job. I know that I can do Ecklie’s.

Grissom

I forgot. I’m so sorry.

Catherine

Make sure to submit the paperwork by the end of the day.

Grissom

I thought you said that it was too late.

Catherine

Well, I knew you’d forget so I upped the deadline — gave you a buffer. Don’t forget again.