[Oliver approaches Susan who is holding a breast pump]
Is that yours?
Yes.
Is it specially adapted for really tiny puppies?
Piss off.
S4 E1Nine and a Half Minutes
Craziness!
S4 E2Nightlines
Look, when I said have a baby... I didn't mean, I just meant... socially!
Socially?
To tea.
Babies can't come round to tea, Sally. They're rubbish.
Don't say that!
Hormones!
Bollocks!
Doesn't this all seem a little early?
Of course it's early, it's far too early! I don't want a baby yet! You gotta get a cat first, see if you're maternal.
You've already got a cat.
Well, I'll shave it! See if I still like it!
You went out and pulled a pregnant woman. What were you thinking?
Oh, you know, "there's a nice, compact pregnancy, let's take it out for a spin."
She had a baby inside her, you insane filth!
Jane, could you stop doing this? Could you stop just wandering through my front door? Because this is not, repeat not, an American sitcom!
S4 E3Bed Time
Do you know how long it's been since I've had sex?
Two years.
[A little affronted] Seven months.
Bed thieves are operating in your area. Secure all doors and windows and make a large pile of raggy dolls in the centre of your duvet.
[Singing] I'm Susan, the happy trotting elf! I trot and trot and bounce and bounce! I smile a lot and that's what counts! I'm Suuuusan! The happy, trotting, smile-a-lotting elf! I'm polite, so just for clarity, when I'm cross I say "apparent-LY!" I'm Suuuusan, the happy, trotting, smile-a-lotting--! [Falls off couch]
[Folds arms]
S4 E4Circus of the Epidurals
[Steve, Patrick, and Oliver are at an ante-natal class]
Right, the question of pain relief.
Yes
Absolutely.
Sorted.
So how are we supposed to pad this out?
[Looks over at Susan] I suppose we could discuss the different methods.
Drugs.
Yeah, drugs.
Sorted.
S4 E5The Naked Living Room
Actually I prefer videos.
What?
I prefer porn in video form, it's more realistic. Do you have any of those?
S4 E6Nine and a Half Months
Sometimes a man is faced with the right thing to do and the wrong thing to do. And he only misses by one.
Did you sleep with Jane?
All right, before I say anything that might inadvertently seem to confirm or deny that fact, yes I did. [Quickly realising what he has just said] Damn it!
[Trying to encourage Oliver to sleeping with Jane] Just look at her. She's a beautiful, sexy woman and she's never had an orgasm. Well there's your challenge, your Everest.
What are you waiting for, Oliver? Mount Jane! [Realises what he said] That wasn't actually meant to sound like instruction...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Coupling pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.