Susan Walker quotes from Coupling

Oliver

Is that yours?

Susan

Yes.

Oliver

Is it specially adapted for really tiny puppies?

Susan

Piss off.

Sally

Look, when I said have a baby... I didn't mean, I just meant... socially!

Patrick

Socially?

Sally

To tea.

Patrick

Babies can't come round to tea, Sally. They're rubbish.

Susan

Don't say that!

Steve

Hormones!

Susan

Bollocks!

Patrick

Doesn't this all seem a little early?

Sally

Of course it's early, it's far too early! I don't want a baby yet! You gotta get a cat first, see if you're maternal.

Steve

You've already got a cat.

Sally

Well, I'll shave it! See if I still like it!

Sally

[Singing] I'm Susan, the happy trotting elf! I trot and trot and bounce and bounce! I smile a lot and that's what counts! I'm Suuuusan! The happy, trotting, smile-a-lotting elf! I'm polite, so just for clarity, when I'm cross I say "apparent-LY!" I'm Suuuusan, the happy, trotting, smile-a-lotting--! [Falls off couch]

Susan

[Folds arms]

Susan

[Trying to encourage Oliver to sleeping with Jane] Just look at her. She's a beautiful, sexy woman and she's never had an orgasm. Well there's your challenge, your Everest.

Steve

What are you waiting for, Oliver? Mount Jane! [Realises what he said] That wasn't actually meant to sound like instruction...