LMr. Larity
Just like I used to tell my daddy...just 'cause you been to the magic show, doesn't mean you know how to saw a woman in half without winding up in jail. And here you are, in jail. Heh heh heh.
That doesn't make any sense.
S1 E4Super Prison Breakout
Dave, I already cried and peed myself. I have nothing left. SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!
What the hell were we supposed to learn from all of this, other than that Todd's sad life can cause a man to kill himself?
I learned that stealing is wrong. And prisoners, like everyone else, love me.
And Clare, my dear, you doth learned the Golden Rule: whores are loved everywhere and in every position.
Hey, that reminds me, where the hell is Clarence?
They don't call me "Shoot First and Ask Questions Larrity" for nothing!
S1 E5Just One Of The Gamers
Before grandfather die, he say, "If you make Kim-chi look like Bi Bim Bab, people will think Kim-chi IS Bi Bim Bab."
S1 E6The Take Over
NMr. Noshi
The rest of what we see today was very terrible. Especially those created by...uh...fat homosexual with horn hat.
[clueless] Nobody talks to my friend like that! Don't worry, Black Steve, I'm gonna make him apologize.
[in Japanese] My name is Todd. Where is the toilet? Coffee with milk.
MMr. Matsui
[in Japanese] You're an ass.
YYamada
Now you will wager your honor against Kobatashi.
[drunk] I don't have any honor. BRING IT ON!
[Dave belches]
Ugh, Dave, how many of those pastrami bombs did you eat?
It's more like, how many of those pastrami bombs didn't I eat? Which is zero.
Dave, I'm sorry I doubted you.
Eh, I'm used to it by now.
Now this first game is called Pizza Man... oh, SO TASTY...
Dave, you promised.
Well, if that didn't get them, this will. Moon Tennis, anyone? You get to play tennis on the fucking moon! Can you imagine that? Well, I did, because that's my job! What about Bacon Avenger? Don't break the eggs!
S1 E7Larrity's Got Back
You should pay to have the abortion, Dave, you did this to me, blah, blah, blah. Ladies, be quiet! That's what I have to say to you.
This has my vote as "best day ever"!
Oh yeah!
Dude, your rectum is gone. That is no bueno.
PPing
You like a massage?
S1 E8IPO
This is the '80s, Dave. People don't just get huge amounts of money for no reason.
Jerry, with that much money, you can buy five lapdances a day and still have money left over for...more lap dances. I've done the math.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Code Monkeys pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.