TV show quotes
The ball's dropping!
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Seven.
Green.
Five.
Four.
Meh.
Two.
[The crowd murmurs in disgust when Frank and his robot counterpart stop the ball.]
I can't let my other self die!
Did you find Mom on Facebook and bury a hatchet in her?
[Laughs] Oh you sweet boy. No. God no!
[At the insanity department, a Caucasian female doctor consults Baby Cakes.]
You can be honest with us, Baby Cakes.
Well then, [Points to a bald male doctor] you smell tough and [Points to an African female doctor] that girl's a ghoulie and [Points to Falgot] that guy I'm pretty sure is a river Gremlin.
That's not really what I meant.
I'm horny now! [Points to Leonard] You're fatter than you think, [Points to the Caucasian female doctor] and you could be sexy.
We need to keep him here. He's clearly insane because I am sexy.
Movies are better than people; you don't have to smell who you're watching.
This movie just busted the fourth dimension!
I heard the Dean's a big ol' murder.
I heard the teachers are criminals.
I heard God is, like—really mad at this place.
[Learning that she has sixty years before she will resemble Sammy] So this means I'll look good until I'm eighty.
Oh you got it backwards. I finally started looking good at eighty.
[The Dean explains tuition fees will increase while professors' wages decrease.]
Come on! This is just a joke, right?
This is not a joke! I'm the sheriff in this town! Abide by my rules or suffer the consequences! [Voice echoing] Consequences! Consequences!
I think I know what's going on here. You waddled your fat cat American ass down here, thinking that Mexico was as dirty and cheap as Selena Gomez.
I didn't—waddle.
Miss, this is a university. It costs thousands of dollars, not dozens.
[Steve attacks Carabas.]
Come on, guys; don't be turds out of water!
Ah, yeah! Twin fight! Twins hate being twins, yo.
No, this is not about us looking alike; I am TOTALLY COOL with that.
We are completely different.
Yeah, we are different. You ain't the boss; I am. You're gonna teach my curriculum, and while you're at it, you're gonna change your clothes.
[The crowd gasps.]
Oh, I called it! It's about the twin stuff!
[Steve, Carabas and an unnamed lookalike prepare to fight.]
Hey, new guy, I think you look more like Carabas there than you do me.
Fuck off; I'm way hotter!
I look nothing like him! I am special!
No one is like me!
[The unnamed man drags himself and Carabas into a fireplace.]
Yes! Last of the Mohicans!
[To Flip Flop about his report] Put it in the trash where it belongs. I said put it in there; I wanna see you do it!
Don't give up your dream for an idiot!
He is not an idiot! He's my friend!
Where's that cretin who hates me?
I'm that Cretan.
It's like I'm Ahab who finally got himself a fat-ass Moby Dick. All right, now, how do we fix my woman-problem?
Well, the first thing we gotta do is scrape some of those dicks off your heart and replace them with whatever a woman has downstairs.
Well, that's a grand metaphor and all, but how do we do this practically?
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