Leonard quotes from China, IL

Baby Cakes

So Mattie is—

Leonard

Your sister, son.

Baby Cakes

Aw, man.

Leonard

That's why I didn't want you together. Believe me, I understand the inertia of star-crossed love—but fucking your sister is just gross.

Baby Cakes

The ball's dropping!

Ten.

Nine.

Leonard

Eight.

Seven.

Baby Cakes

Green.

Five.

The Dean

Four.

Meh.

Steve

Two.

Frank

I can't let my other self die!

Leonard

[Locked out of the house] Jerk! I don't have my key! Let me in!

Baby Cakes

Well, I got like five keys in here, so you do the meth!

Leonard

It's not meth. It's math!

Leonard, your turn. Imagine your son tells you that he wants to burn your face off with acid. What do you say?

Leonard

What do I say? I say—I say, "Go right ahead because you're my son, and I must love you unconditionally."

Are you just telling me what I want to hear?

Leonard

Hey, Derrick, do me a favor: go fuck yourself.

Leonard

Dean, what is this?

The Dean

The talking monkey? I don't know. We got her from some now-defunct Japanese zoo. They're a dime a dozen. What isn't a dime a dozen are barrels of oil.

Leonard

Japan? But her Southern accent...

The Dean

She was bred in captivity, doesn't know anything, costs too much to feed; I fucking hate this monkey. I can't wait to turn him into a few miles' worth of crude oil.