The Dean quotes from China, IL ... TV Quotes Database

The Dean

Steve, these government dudes think you're a terrorist!

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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The Dean

Steve, tenure is the highest promotion a professor can receive. You are now unfireable—and almost rich.

Pony

I wish I could get tenure and be almost rich.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Baby Cakes

The ball's dropping!

CCrystal

Ten.

FFalgot

Nine.

Leonard

Eight.

SSammy

Seven.

Baby Cakes

Green.

SSpider

Five.

The Dean

Four.

GThe Governor

Meh.

Steve

Two.

[The crowd murmurs in disgust when Frank and his robot counterpart stop the ball.]

Frank

I can't let my other self die!

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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[The Dean explains tuition fees will increase while professors' wages decrease.]

Frank

Come on! This is just a joke, right?

The Dean

This is not a joke! I'm the sheriff in this town! Abide by my rules or suffer the consequences! [Voice echoing] Consequences! Consequences!

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Leonard

Dean, what is this?

The Dean

The talking monkey? I don't know. We got her from some now-defunct Japanese zoo. They're a dime a dozen. What isn't a dime a dozen are barrels of oil.

Leonard

Japan? But her Southern accent...

[The communicator reads "Accent: Atlanta."]

The Dean

She was bred in captivity, doesn't know anything, costs too much to feed; I fucking hate this monkey. I can't wait to turn him into a few miles' worth of crude oil.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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Baby Cakes

Stop bothering my magical Bigfoot, you worthless, pre-oil monkey! Oh, I can't wait for Dad to take you back to the Dean.

KKKei-Ko

[Via communicator] Wait. I'm going back? No!

The Dean

Kei-Ko, it's time for you to be turned into oil, just like Mother Nature intended.

S1 E15 Unfinished Business

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