Baby Cakes quotes from China, IL

Baby Cakes

Listen up: I started out as a baby on this campus, too, and I'm now me. That baby is flesh and blood—that's got to have value, or else nothing does.

Baby Cakes

Movies are better than people; you don't have to smell who you're watching.

Baby Cakes

This movie just busted the fourth dimension!

Baby Cakes

When everyone got showers in their home, I bet this is what caused the "Sexual Revolution." First, daily showers, then privates went into the nearest mouths, now butt holes are getting jealous of the Christmas kisses.

Baby Cakes

I heard that nature was just really like a really hard video game: gotta keep on dying and restarting until you master it.

Steve

The Dean is—cool.

Baby Cakes

So cool he could kill or love anyone, and we gotta have a perfect in our pack of regulars or we'd all be lost.

Baby Cakes

I bet heaven's a ghost town.

Pony

Duh. That's the point, right?

Baby Cakes

No, I mean like no one's good enough to be there. Just Jesus playing fetch with Old Yeller.

Baby Cakes

So Mattie is—

Leonard

Your sister, son.

Baby Cakes

Aw, man.

Leonard

That's why I didn't want you together. Believe me, I understand the inertia of star-crossed love—but fucking your sister is just gross.

Pony

It does kinda suck that we students failed all our classes. I mean, listen to them down there.

Baby Cakes

Nah, they sound happy.

[Lighting a cat on fire] We're not happy! [Throws burning cat at office]

Baby Cakes

The ball's dropping!

Ten.

Nine.

Leonard

Eight.

Seven.

Baby Cakes

Green.

Five.

The Dean

Four.

Meh.

Steve

Two.

Frank

I can't let my other self die!

Baby Cakes

Did you find Mom on Facebook and bury a hatchet in her?

[Laughs] Oh you sweet boy. No. God no!

You can be honest with us, Baby Cakes.

Baby Cakes

Well then, [Points to a bald male doctor] you smell tough and [Points to an African female doctor] that girl's a ghoulie and [Points to Falgot] that guy I'm pretty sure is a river Gremlin.

That's not really what I meant.

Baby Cakes

I'm horny now! [Points to Leonard] You're fatter than you think, [Points to the Caucasian female doctor] and you could be sexy.

We need to keep him here. He's clearly insane because I am sexy.

Baby Cakes

Come on, guys; don't be turds out of water!

Flip Flop

Ah, yeah! Twin fight! Twins hate being twins, yo.

Steve

No, this is not about us looking alike; I am TOTALLY COOL with that.

We are completely different.

Steve

Yeah, we are different. You ain't the boss; I am. You're gonna teach my curriculum, and while you're at it, you're gonna change your clothes.

Flip Flop

Oh, I called it! It's about the twin stuff!

Kenny

Where's that cretin who hates me?

Baby Cakes

I'm that Cretan.

Kenny

It's like I'm Ahab who finally got himself a fat-ass Moby Dick. All right, now, how do we fix my woman-problem?

Baby Cakes

Well, the first thing we gotta do is scrape some of those dicks off your heart and replace them with whatever a woman has downstairs.

Kenny

Well, that's a grand metaphor and all, but how do we do this practically?