Frank quotes from China, IL

Frank

You can't fake gay sex, okay? Hips won't lie.

Frank

[To Flip Flop about his report] Put it in the trash where it belongs. I said put it in there; I wanna see you do it!

Frank

I die now. All right, please please please let there be angels.

Pony

Frank, you are such an attention whore!

Frank

The same can be said for Jesus, and look where it got him: queen of heaven.

Pony

The Americans didn't need more land, but the natural resources were like—the gravy on potatoes.

It's finally clear! If potatoes are covered in gravy, then I'll kill anyone to get 'em!

Pony

And that is exactly what the early Americans did: we killed everybody!

Frank

Oh my God. She's—Amadeus-y.

Baby Cakes

The ball's dropping!

Ten.

Nine.

Leonard

Eight.

Seven.

Baby Cakes

Green.

Five.

The Dean

Four.

Meh.

Steve

Two.

Frank

I can't let my other self die!

Frank

Come on! This is just a joke, right?

The Dean

This is not a joke! I'm the sheriff in this town! Abide by my rules or suffer the consequences! [Voice echoing] Consequences! Consequences!

Don't give up your dream for an idiot!

Frank

He is not an idiot! He's my friend!

Frank

Denying it just makes it more obvious.

Steve

Just like denying you'll never be a Person of Anyone's Day is obviously sad.

Steve

You gotta admit, last night was kind of funny.

Frank

No I won't admit it! What you did to me was—bad people stuff.

He's such an anal-mal.

Frank

Look. You gotta stop pronouncing it like that.

Like what?

Frank

Like butt-fucking. You say "anal-mal"; it's "animal."

Frank

I have been hanging out quite a lot with my friends Transfer Billy and Stacy Megan. Yeah, and it's great.

Pony

It's a lie is what it is.

Frank

You're a bush is what you is—are.

[Seeing Frank's excess body hair] Frank? What's wrong with you?

Frank

[Groans] I have saved a fucking gorilla today, I also talked a very special idiot out of willing himself dead, and now, just because I'm too hairy in some places and too bald in other places, you can't find it in your putrid little heart to want to get to know me sexually? [Laughs sarcastically] What's wrong with me? What is wrong with you? I am magical!