Baby Cakes quotes from China, IL

Steve

Baby Cakes, sometimes when a man has feeling for a woman—

Baby Cakes

I don't understand!

Leonard

[Locked out of the house] Jerk! I don't have my key! Let me in!

Baby Cakes

Well, I got like five keys in here, so you do the meth!

Leonard

It's not meth. It's math!

Pony

[Unsure of Frank's whereabouts] This is all Steve's fault. You know, he tricked me into showing a porno in class. He said that it was the Dean's, but that's just crazy.

Baby Cakes

Uh huh. Yeah, he's always telling me crazy stuff too, like, "Get me out of this dungeon you built in your basement," and, "I'm not a wizard," so yeah. I feel ya.

Baby Cakes

[To a foreign exchange student] I'm gonna call you Aladdin, 'cause there is no way that isn't who you are.

Actually, my name is—

Baby Cakes

Okay, this whole place was built on a Native American burial ground, but I guess that can be said for all the places in America.

Baby Cakes

So frats, my genie here needs a hazing, and he needs the "'round-the-world" special.

I—I do not want to go around the world; we have only just met.

You're both morons—get the fuck out.

B.C. is just a repressed, full-on anchovy-eater, like I was before.

Pony

It makes sense. If he wants anchovies, me must have the anchovy gene, right?

His love for pepperoni—it's all been a lie.

Baby Cakes

Then I'm the greatest liar ever.

Baby Cakes

What? No, I thought you wanted to get back with Dad!

Get over it! Arrgghh—sorry, I should eat.

Baby Cakes, your mom is a great lover. She is the best at sucking—

Baby Cakes

Shut up!

—the Rock off.

Pony

[Attacking the Easter Bunny] You die!

Please stop!

Pony

Fuck you! Fuck you! I will fucking kill you! [Screaming and tearing up] This world sucks—Easter Bunnies and dead husbands! Die, you fucking Easter Bunny! Die like my dead husband; die like Johnny! I was relieved when Johnny died; I got married to him way too quick! I felt guilty for feeling like this for so long! [Pony pauses as she ceases her attacks.] I do miss him, though.

Baby Cakes

[Having witnessed the beating] Oh, she's a Chris Brown.

Pony

No, I'm a brown widow.

Pony

Kim's dead.

Steve

Oh my God, how?

Pony

Gummy bear.

Baby Cakes

Well, that one's on me, I guess.

Baby Cakes

Stop bothering my magical Bigfoot, you worthless, pre-oil monkey! Oh, I can't wait for Dad to take you back to the Dean.

[Via communicator] Wait. I'm going back? No!

The Dean

Kei-Ko, it's time for you to be turned into oil, just like Mother Nature intended.