Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Prue

Some of us have a job.

Phoebe

Some of us have fun.

Piper

And some of us are having a really bad hair day.

Piper

Okay, we have to call the cops and report it as a break-in.

Prue

And tell them what? That someone broke into our house to try and steal our broomsticks?

Piper

Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy.

Phoebe

It's an improvement. At least he wasn't a warlock.

Phoebe

I am so busted, aren’t I?

Piper

Are you out of your mind again?

Phoebe

No. I’m the Amazing Phoebe.

Piper

This is not funny. Our powers are supposed to be a secret, not a marketable job skill.

Piper

I've never seen anybody killed before.

Phoebe

Jeremy.

Prue

Javna.

Piper

I mean humans.

Piper

(after trying to copy an exercise video) Uh, I give up. Two weeks and nothing strengthened but my temper.

Prue

Piper, here's the problem. You didn't read the fine print. See, it says right here. $19.95 for the video and twenty grand for the plastic surgeon.

Piper

Yeah. Well it's worked. She's the most desired female in America. What every man wants.

Prue

That woman? Of course men want her. Men are not different from women. We all want what we can't have. Which is why we need to stop thinking about what men want and start thinking about what we want in a man.

Piper

So, what’s up?

Phoebe

I, uh, I found this spell. "How to attract a lover".

Piper

No, Phoebe. Forget it. We’re not casting any spells.

Phoebe

Come on. There must be more to our powers than warlock wasting. I’m ready to have some fun with our magic.

Piper

No. No personal gain, remember?

Phoebe

How is it personal gain, if we’re using our powers to bring happiness to another person. And in my case lots and lots of happiness...

Phoebe

You want a man who is single, smart, endowed?

Piper

Employed.

Prue

Ok, so it's time to shower, shampoo and go kick some Hecate butt.

Phoebe

Did she just say shower?

Piper

She did, didn't she?

Hot water!

Phoebe

Ok, I can't hold it any longer. Your name isn't Piper, and that's the good news. You're really Hecate, Queen of the Underworld, you're pregnant with a demon child, which means...I'm afraid I have to kill you.

Piper

What?!

Prue

Phoebe, what is it that you saw exactly?

Phoebe

Well, I-I saw the thing being born.

Prue

Did you see Piper?

Phoebe

Yes, I saw her legs.

Prue

Never saw her face?

Phoebe

No.

Piper

Hello, bickering sisters. I'm not pregnant but I am in the room.

Phoebe

Okay, Piper tell me the truth. Am I a boyfriend thief?

Piper

Totally.

Phoebe

Besides Roger. Whom, by the way, Prue, I never touched.

Piper

My boyfriend, Billy Wilson.

Phoebe

[chuckles] Bill-- Will-- Eighth grade Billy Wilson?

Piper

You kissed him at homecoming.

Phoebe

I did not kiss him at homecoming.

Piper

Oh, please. You were all over him, with your breasts all...whatever.

Phoebe

I didn't even have breasts back then.

Piper

Phoebe, you've always had breasts.

Piper

So you know... it's not like either one of us has a problem finding guys...

Phoebe

Please.

Piper

So if one of us got Leo, it'd be ok with the other one.

Phoebe

Absolutely.

Piper

So we can just consider this a friendly competition.

Phoebe

Sibling rivalry.

Piper

War.

Phoebe

Exactly!

Piper

Hungry?

Leo

Uh.

Piper

Oh, it's on the house.

Leo

You're big on food, aren’t you?

Piper

Uh...

Leo

No, that's good. You know, actually, in the Mayan culture the cook was second in the hierarchy only to the medicine man.

Piper

Mayans? You know about Mayans? Well, you certainly are a handyman, aren't you?

Leo

Uh, so, does Phoebe work here too?

Piper

Phoebe? Work? No, no, no, she's probably at her gay and lesbian group right about now. So what'll it be?

Phoebe

Piper, what do you really think about your boss?

Piper

I think he's a self-serving jerk who must have a very small penis...(Piper, Phoebe and Prue all gasp/laugh) Oh my God, I'm gonna be so fired!