Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Piper

(to Paige) Don't forget diapers! Lots of diapers!

Piper

(reading letter) Captain Black Jack Cutting formally invites you to Treasure Island.

Piper

Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the G silent?

Piper

Matchmake later, save sister now.

Piper

I don't know what's worse: the fact that I'm dying, or that apparently, I get to spend my last dying moments on earth with you.

Piper

Have you gone crazy again?

Piper

Are you telling me that our child is evil? again?!!

Piper

I have enough to do without worrying about who you're torturing in the attic!

Piper

(gasps as she notices the ring) Oh crap.

Piper

This place is a mess.

Piper

Prue?

Prue

In here, working on the chandelier.

Piper

Sorry, I'm late.

Prue

What else is new? You know, Piper, I would have been here to wait for an electrician myself, but you know I can't leave the museum until six. I didn't even have time to change.

Piper

I just... I didn't realize how long I was in Chinatown. Did Jeremy call?

Prue

No, but he had some roses and a package delivered. What were you doing in Chinatown? I through that you had an interview at North Beach.

Piper

I did, but later I went to Yung Li market after my interview to get the ingredients for my audition recipe tomorrow.

Prue

So that Wolfgang Puck knock-off didn't hire you today?

Piper

No, but this just may get me the job.

Prue

Jeremy sent you port?

Piper

It's the ultimate ingredient for my recipe.

Prue

Nice boyfriend.

Piper

Oh my God. I don't believe it. Tell me that's not our old spirit board.

Prue

Yeah, I found it in the basement when I was looking for the circuit tester.

Piper

"To my three beautiful girls. May this give you the light to find the shadows. The Power of Three will set you free. Love, Mom." We never did figure out what this inscription meant.

Prue

Oh, you should send it to Phoebe, that girl is so in the dark, maybe a little bit of light will help.

Piper

You're always so hard on her.

Prue

Piper, the girl has no vision, no sense of the future.

Piper

I really think Phoebe's coming around.

Prue

Well, as long as she doesn't come around here I guess that's good news.

Prue

I don't get it. I have checked everything. There's no reason why the chandelier should not be working.

Piper

We've been talking about what to do with that spare room. I think you're right, we do need a roommate.

Prue

Well we could rent out a room at a reduced rate in exchange to help around the house.

Piper

Phoebe's good with a wrench.

Prue

Phoebe lives in New York.

Piper

Not anymore.

Prue

What?

Piper

She left New York. She's moving back in with us.

Prue

You've got to be kidding.

Piper

Well, I could hardly say no. It's her house too; it was willed to all of us.

Prue

Yeah, months ago. And we haven't seen her or spoken to her since.

Piper

Well, you haven't spoken to her.

Prue

No, I haven't. Maybe you forgot why I'm so mad at her.

Piper

Well, of course not, but she had nowhere else to go. She lost her job, she's in debt.

Prue

And this is news? How long have you known about this anyway?

Piper

A couple of days. Maybe a week, or two...

Prue

Thanks for sharing. When does she arrive?

Phoebe

Surprise! I found the hide-a-key!

Piper

Phoebe, welcome home.

Phoebe

Hello Piper. (Piper and Phoebe hug)

Piper

It's so good to see you. Isn't it, Prue?

Prue

I'm speechless.

Phoebe

Oops, I forget about the cab.

Piper

I'll get it. (She grabs Prue's purse)

Prue

Piper, that's my purse!

Phoebe

Thanks, I'll pay you back.

Prue

Is that all that you brought?

Phoebe

That's all that I own, that and a bike. Look, I know that you don't want me here...

Prue

We're not selling Gram's house.

Phoebe

Is that why you think I came back?

Prue

Look, the only reason Piper and I gave up our apartment and moved back was because this house has been in our family for generations.

Phoebe

No history lesson needed. I grew up here, too. So, can we talk about what's really bothering you?

Prue

No, I'm still furious with you.

Phoebe

So, you'd rather have a tense reunion filled with boring chitchat and unimportant small talk?

Prue

No, but otherwise we won't have anything to talk about.

Phoebe

I never touched Roger.

Prue

Whoa!

Phoebe

I know you think otherwise because that's what that Armani-wearing, Chardonnay-slugging, trust-funder told you, but...

Piper

Hey! I have a great idea! Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner?

Prue

I'm not hungry.

Phoebe

Ate on the bus.

Piper

Okay, we'll try the group hug later.

Phoebe

I forgot your question.

Piper

I asked if Prue was going to have sex with someone other than herself this year.

Phoebe

That's disgusting. (looks at spirit board) Please say yes.

Prue

What are you watching?

Piper

Nothing. Just a show.

Prue

About witches? Are you worried we're gonna be burned at the stake?

Piper

Yeah, right. By the way, Andy called.

Prue

When?

Piper

While you were in the shower.

Prue

What did you tell him?

Piper

That you were in the shower. Bad date?

Prue

No. No, no. Not at all. It was great. You know. Dinner. Movie. Sex.

Piper

Excuse me? On your first date? You sleaze.

Prue

It wasn't exactly our first date, Piper.

Piper

High school doesn't count. That was last decade. Spill it. Ooh, that bad, huh?

Prue

No. Actually, that good. It was... well, we were amazing, but that's not the point. I told myself that things would be different, that we would take it slow. It just shouldn't've happened, that's all.

Phoebe

What shouldn't've happened?

Piper

Prue slept with Andy.

Phoebe

Hello!

Prue

Oh, thanks a lot, mouth.

Phoebe

Wait, you were going to tell her, but not me? Family meeting!

Prue

Speaking of last night, what time did you end up rolling in?

Phoebe

No no no, do not change the subject!

Prue

Don't dodge the question!

Piper

It must've been at least after three.

Phoebe

I must still be on New York time.

Prue

Actually, that would make it later.

Prue

Brittany, are you alright?

Piper

I'll call 911.

Prue

And tell them what? That she's dying of old age at 25?