Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Phoebe

What? What's so funny?

Piper

This whole family needs a shrink

Piper

Okay, what do you say we make this eight legged freak wish it'd never been hatched?

Chris

Woah, hold it, you are not going anywhere mom, this is way too risky.

Paige

He's actually right without the Wyatt force field thing...

Chris

Okay, do you have to keep rubbing that in?

Paige

Aren't there any therapists in the future?

Chris

We need Phoebe.

Piper

No, I don't wanna interrupt her date with Mark.

Paige

Actually, it's Mike this week.

Chris

No, it's Mitch, but who cares. We need her.

Paige

Are you hormonal or just plain crazy?!

Piper

One woman can only take so much.

Paige

What do you think these people are gonna do when they step out of their offices?

Piper

Well, they won't be touching my stomach anymore, that's what I think...

Paige

(to lady who was touching Piper's stomach.) It's okay, it's okay. We all get a little vertigo sometimes. (To Piper, entering in the elevator) No wonder that Chris grows up to be such a neurotic little freak!

Chris

Not something, someone. Demonatrix.

Phoebe

Look Chris, what you do in your spare time...

Piper

(laughs) Phoebe?! Are you here to save me or kill me?

Phoebe

I havn't decided yet, turn around.

Paige

Piper. Hello?

Piper

Where the hell are you? I'm in labour!

Phoebe

Is she okay?

Paige

She's in labour.

Piper

Is there an echo?

Piper

Since when are you in such a hurry to say goodbye?

Phoebe

Well, since something happened with the thing, and the thing, with the thing.

Phoebe

Okay, you two! Stop it right now! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! (Paige and Phoebe pull leo and Piper apart) You go over there, you over... here. (Piper slaps Phoebe with her many hands) And keep your hands to yourself!

Piper

But you're interrupting us.

Phoebe

And saving life as we know it.

Leo

What are you talking about?

Paige

Look at your outfit. Does that look like something you normally wear?

Leo

Well, no.

Paige

Exactly. This is not the first time we have been hijacked by gods. So you just have to fight it.

Leo

I don't want to fight it. I haven't felt this potent in years.

Phoebe

Ew! Over sharing.

Piper

How is his rash? Did he need oilment?

Paige

I don't know, I've been kind of procrastinating on that one. It's not my favourite thing to check.

Piper

Why? You don't have a problem checking Wyatt

Paige

Yeah, that's because I don't flash forward to Wyatt being twenty-two like I do with Chris

Piper

Yeah!... Right!... Ew!

Paige

This is Godiva.

Piper

Godiva?!

Paige

As in... Lady Godiva. In the flesh, so to speak.

Piper

PLEASE, don't tell me you've been vanquishing demons with the children.

Leo

Well, Chris was fussy. It calmed him.

Paige

It's okay, it's just a graze.

Phoebe

I still can't believe an Elder attacked you.

Paige

I know, they're supposed to be pacifists, right?

Piper

Have you seen Leo lately? Speaking of which. Leo!

Paige

He's a little mad at me and I can't say I blame him. I did kind of mess things up.

Phoebe

Well, that doesn't explain why he tried to kill you.

Pardon me?

Paige

I think the demon did something to the Elder, got him to free up his repressed anger somehow.

Phoebe

Oh, probably wasn't breastfed as a child.

Piper

Phoebe!

Paige

Well, either way, we wouldn't even be in this situation, this demon wouldn't even be here if I hadn't have had the great stroke of genius to try to save school.

Phoebe

So why do you think he tried to kill her?

If I could just--

Paige

Maybe he knew what I didn't know. Which is that since they came together, they have to leave together.

Phoebe

Yeah, but why wouldn't he want to go back?

If you would just listen to me...!

Phoebe

Oh!

Piper

Wow!

Phoebe

That's just... a lot!

It is apparently still the only way I can get anybody to listen to me.

Piper

Woman, keep your clothes on, this is a family show. Really.

Let's see what you've been hiding from me. Oh, there's so much, so ready to come out. Let it out, let it all out!

Leo

You demons have it so easy. No morality to worry about. No attachments, no one to lose.

Piper

Yeah, you tell him, Leo!

Leo

When you kill, you feel NOTHING!

Piper

Leo!

Leo

Oh, hi sweetie, how are you?

Piper

Don't you sweetie me! Where are the boys?

Paige

Do I look like a ma'am to you?

Piper

Paige, you're obsessing.

Paige

You're damn right I'm obsessing! I am far too young to be old!

Piper

I think I found something.

Paige

Huh?

Piper

I said I think I found something. What, are you deaf now too?

Paige

Well, you're gonna go deaf first. Don't forget, you're the older sister.

Piper

Yeah, I love you too.