Piper Halliwell quotes from Charmed

Phoebe

Yo-ho, hello.

Piper

Did you just call me a hoe?

Piper

How'd you get here?

Phoebe

A pirate never betrays his secrecy (Piper looks confused) Leo orbed me.

Piper

I'm not doing this anymore. I give up. I quit.

You can't quit, Piper. Not until you catch up.

Piper

You can't make me take my sister's soul. I won't do it.

We don't get to decide who lives or dies. Any circumstances can change someone's fate

Piper

Well, then, I won't collect anymore souls. I'll go on strike.

So, to save your sister, you would threaten to stop all death?

Piper

You got it.

That's rather selfish of you, don't you think? Unless, of course, you think that death is pointless.

Piper

Well, I...

It's not, you know. Far from it. Life only has meaning specifically because there is an end. Death is what forces people to live.

Piper

Yes, but...

Which means ending death effectively ends life, throws off the entire cosmic design, the whole point, and for what? A single fleeting life. This is bigger than your sister, Piper. Much bigger.

Paige

This isn't good, right?

Piper

I'm so sorry, Paige. It's much easier if you just let go.

Paige

Piper. I have something to tell you.

Piper

Paige...

Paige

You know that brown suede coat? You thought you lost it but, um, it's in my closet. And those earrings you liked. I borrowed them and I never gave them back.

Piper

You're stalling.

Paige

I know. But you can't blame a girl for trying.

Phoebe

Oh. Any idea what this meeting's all about?

Paige

Oh, probably something to do with the kids.

Phoebe

Why? Did something happen?

Paige

Oh, I'm sure they've gotten kidnapped by the latest demon or something.

Phoebe

Paige, that is so not funny.

Paige

You got so emotional when you're PMS-ed.

Phoebe

And you got mean.

Paige

I do not got mean. I'm above it all. Nothing happens to me.

Piper

All righty than.

Phoebe

Oh, right, nothing happens to you. You're above it all.

Paige

Fine, I get a little jumpy.

Piper

And I get a little pissy, so watch it.

We know.

Paige

The good news is we all get over it at the same time.

Piper

As long as we don't kill each other in the process, which brings me to what we need to talk about.

Paige

Ah, that sounds serious. That calls for ice cream with three spoons.

Phoebe

Ah-ah-ah! Persional gain.

Paige

I know, but screw it, it's too good.

Piper

Anyway, I've been wanting to tell you guys something for a while. Um, I just didn't know how to say it.

Phoebe

Oh my God. Are you pregnet again?

Piper

No, this is not a good thing. Do you guys remember Zola, the Elder who disappeared?

Paige

Yeah.

Piper

Well, he didn't disappear. He was killed. Leo killed him.

Phoebe

Leo killed him?

Paige

Heh!

Piper

It was an accident. He didn't mean to. I mean, he was tricked.

Paige

You might want to tell that to Zola.

Oh!

Phoebe

Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!

Piper

What? Where are the boys?

Phoebe

The boys are fine. We're not.

Paige

Keep it down. Hey!

Piper

Hey, yourself. Look!

Paige

Oh my God! What happened to him?

Phoebe

I think we're what happened to him.

Paige

What are you talking about?

Phoebe

We're in the cage, that's what I'm talking about. I think we trapped our selves.

Piper

No, we didn't. Did we?

Phoebe

I think that dream I had was real.

Paige

So you're saying, that we, did this to him?

Phoebe

Do you have a better explanation?

Paige

That is crazy. (stands up, hits force-field, plops back down)

Phoebe

As you were saying?

Paige

Okay. What does this mean? We're demons?

Piper

No, we didn't turn into demons, Paige.

Phoebe

We turned into monsters.

Paige

I know we all get a little testy this time of month, but that's ridiculous.

Piper

It can't be that, it's gotta be something else

Phoebe

Like what? The blue moon?

Piper

We gotta get out of here. This is crazy. Paige, try to orb one of these crystals away.

Paige

Crystal. Blue moon?

Piper

They're out of their minds.

Leo

Still, he's gonna be sent here tomorrow.

Piper

Well, I hope I don't blow him up.

Leo

Piper, you can't blow up a whitelighter.

Phoebe

Why not? She blows you up all the time.

Paige

Do you think we should put some snacks in the cage?

Phoebe

Like what, a wildebeast?

Piper

Please don't say beast.

Paige

No, I'm just saying we don't know how long we're gonna be in here. What if I get hungry?

Piper

Well, then we'll have Leo throw us Whitelighter. Don't worry about it.

Leo

Piper, you can't walk out on this.

Piper

You're right. We should orb.

Phoebe

Wait. Are you saying that you've been living in our house as an Avatar, and you haven't told us?

Leo

Look, I'm the same old Leo.

Piper

Only not. Is this how you went from psycho crazy guy to happy-happy guy? Because you became an Avatar?

Paige

What? What's going on?

Piper

Oh, you know, nothing. Your boyfriend tried to kill my husband.

Paige

I guess so.

Leo

What about Zankou?

Piper

I think I know how to find him.

Phoebe

Will you give me a lift? I wanna make sure I get my last column in.

Paige

Last column?

Phoebe

Well yeah. How much advice can a world with no conflict need? I may be out of the job.

Paige

You okay with that?

Phoebe

I've got better things to look forward to.

Piper

I was thinking, if we adjust the tracking spell we used to find the Source, it might work on Zankou, considering they were working so closely. Paige? Are you listening?

Paige

Yeah, that sounds great.

Piper

Well, it would, if you were listening to me.

Paige

I'm sorry, it's just a... big change.

Piper

I know. And you know what? It's okay to be scared.

Leo

It's not the shopping. It's this whole world vacation thing. I just think we should stay here and wait for the Elders decision on me.

Piper

Absolutely not. That's precisely why we should be going. Look, we're all together, we deserve a vacation. And we're not gonna sit around and wait for the other pattini to drop, so that's that. We're going.

Leo

But what about the travel and the cost?

Piper

Oh, for God sakes, Leo! We're orbing.

Leo

Okay, well, what about Phoebe and Paige?

Piper

What about them?

Leo

Well, they made us this big send-off dinner last night.

Piper

Oh, please. They ordered pizza.

Leo

Right. And we're not helping with the clean up.

Piper

Wow, if that's the best you got, you really do need a vacation.

Leo

But...

Piper

Arresto! Look, Phoebe and Paige just remade the world. I think they can handle the kitchen. Now, unless you have any more objections...Leaning Tower of Pisa, here we come!